“I believe,” Douglas cut in firmly, quieting her with his calm words, “dinner is getting cold. I would imagine the children are missing their aunt and likely becoming concerned.” Both father and daughter swung to Douglas who was now standing several feet from the doorway. “If Julia has anything more to say after supper, perhaps she can do so then. Now it’s important to get back to the children.”
Julia was still shaking but she took a deep breath while she watched Douglas. He looked completely unperturbed at this turn of events and she tried to suck some of his energy from across the room.
“Of course,” she agreed with a stiff nod, because he was right, she should be thinking of the children. “Father, would you like to meet your grandchildren?” she inquired, but her tone was barely civil, making these lovely words sound nearly threatening.
He simply nodded, looking back and forth between Douglas and Julia.
She took another breath and motioned with her arm to the door. Trevor started to exit the room and she followed him, her movements jerky. As she passed Douglas, he caught her hand and pulled on it gently to stop her.
“You have to get control of yourself,” he told her from between his teeth. “You can’t let the children see you like this.”
“And how do you propose I do that?” Julia flashed back. He may be able to stand cold and controlled in the face of just about anything but she wasn’t built like that.
Douglas turned.
“Dr. Fairfax,” he called to the older man and her father, already in the hall, stopped. “If you’ll give me a moment with Julia?”
Trevor looked relieved, obviously believing that he had an ally in Douglas as he had in Monique and therefore he nodded gratefully.
Julia also wondered where Douglas stood on all this drama and decided that it was likely exactly where Douglas always stood, casually removed.
“Please close the doors and wait for us in the hall,” Douglas requested. “And please do not approach the children until Julia and I are there to make introductions.”
Trevor nodded again before he closed the doors behind him and Douglas pulled Julia back to the windows where his gentle tug on her hand made her halt.
He turned her to face him but didn’t let go over her hand.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she muttered under her breath, her body still shaking, resolving to worry about Douglas some other time.
“Julia, you lose your temper, you let him see he can affect you and you give him power. You cannot give him power. You need to control yourself,” Douglas informed her, like it was as easy as that.
“He does have power!” she burst out. “He’s my father. He’ll always be my father.”
It was all too much, losing Gavin and Tammy, losing her old life, playing this game with Douglas and now this. She didn’t have the strength, never had, Sean had shown her that.
She lifted a hand and raked her fingers with agitation through her hair.
“He’s never been your father,” Douglas stated and her entire body jerked at his pronouncement, her arm dropping listlessly, because, in his statement’s exquisite simplicity, she realised he was right.
She stared at him, stunned with the knowledge shared eloquently, through five little words, that Douglas didn’t stand casually removed, not from her but instead, from Dr. Trevor Fairfax. Gone was the fury she’d seen the moment her father entered the hall. Douglas gave Trevor Fairfax nothing and this was because he was worth nothing to Douglas except his casual indifference. And telling her this, showing her, Douglas was indicating this was how she should also behave.
The tears she’d pushed back sprang to her eyes. She pulled her hand from his and swung away, putting distance between them as she fought back her emotions and tried to find the strength to follow his lead. She stopped, her back to Douglas and pressed the fingers of both of her hands to her mouth.
Douglas didn’t follow her and she used the moment of semi-privacy to battle for control.
“You know, I don’t really miss him,” Gavin said once when they were talking about their father. “Whenever we had to go to his house for the weekend, I always couldn’t wait to get home to Mom.”
Tamsin had kissed the top of her husband’s head.
“Yeah, Gav,” Julia had agreed quietly, “I know.”
“I was glad when he stopped coming to pick us up for visits,” Gavin had muttered. “It was a relief.”
Then Gavin looked up at them and laughed off the sad thoughts he was expressing aloud and the sadder ones that underlay them. Julia never knew if it was actually a relief or if her brother was trying to convince himself. Had he wished he’d had a father? Had he wished he’d not grown up in a house full of women? Had he needed some male guidance?
She’d never asked and now she’d never know. What she did know was that Gavin worked every moment of every day to be a good father to his children, a shining example and, furthermore, an excellent, attentive, loving husband to his wife.
For Julia’s part, she’d always wanted a Daddy, someone to make her feel like a princess just as she’d witnessed her own father treated his other two daughters. She’d wanted that kind of love and devotion, to be the beautiful darling, the girl who could do no wrong in her Daddy’s eyes. And she never gave up hoping for that, hoping that one day he’d be that kind of Dad. And then came the day he gave her the cheap cardboard box filled with cheaper earrings after she had struggled her way through four years of university, working as a tutor, and left with a staggering amount of student loans which he, not once, offered to assist her with. That day, she had given up hope.
She thought about those earrings, which she kept until just over a month ago, finding them when she packed up her house. Before she moved to England she had thrown them in the trash.
Douglas was right, he had never been her father.
She straightened her shoulders and drew air into her nostrils, her head tilting back with the effort. She released it from her mouth and turned to Douglas.
Not one tear had been shed.
“I’m ready,” she told him, her voice, surprising her, was strong.
He assessed her as she walked toward him but when she went to pass him, he took her hand. They walked together, hand in hand, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Even though she knew it was weak, knew she shouldn’t allow it, she needed his hand in hers. She might not have made it across the room without it.