“This is Josephine.”
“Josie, girl, you…are…legend!” a female voice shrieked in my ear.
I narrowed my eyes at the black granite of Jake’s island. “Pardon?”
“Babelicious, I heard about last night,” the woman stated.
It came to me it was Alyssa right before she kept speaking.
“You rock. You roll. You got it good and from what I hear, gave it better. Girl, I wanna be you when I grow up, walkin’ into the arena, pure class, your shit so doesn’t stink, and then you give Jake the business in the locker room and walk out with head held high on your fancy-assed heels. You’re so the f**king bomb, you’d level Hiroshima again if you visited.”
“Um…” I mumbled but got nothing else out. Not that I knew what to say to her highly unusual compliments delivered with extreme enthusiasm.
“Ohmigod!” she shrieked. “I so hope Donna hears about this. That bitch is a stupid bitch. I mean, hello! Wake up and look at the near-to teen wolf you got in your bed. He may look a little like Jake Spear of twenty years ago but he is not Jake Spear of twenty years ago. You let Jake go, bitch, you’re never gettin’ him back no matter how many boy-men you bang.”
This was extremely insightful.
Before I could share that or, perhaps, walk out of the room, as it was likely, with the direction the mostly one-sided conversation was moving, I should take this call privately, she kept going.
“And who wants a twenty-something? Is she high? Every woman knows they gotta get a man who’s sowed his wild oats and, she’s lucky, he’ll have sowed his wild oats with her. She let that shit go and now she’s grasping at it to get it back ‘cause she knows no way Jake’s gonna go there with her because Jake suffers no fool and that bitch, lettin’ him go, is all kinds a fool.”
She took in a breath so deep, I heard her inhaling it over the phone and I thought I’d get a word in edgewise but I wasn’t fast enough.
“And don’t get me started on the way she is with her kids. My head might explode.”
This, too, I agreed with her on.
“Indeed,” I got in.
“You bet your ass, indeed,” she replied, sounding like she was doing it through laughter. “Now, babe, my shop isn’t open on Mondays but I’m opening the joint and givin’ you a mani-pedi tomorrow just because you’re the shit and already so legend that if I tell all my girls that the class-act who’s banging The Truck is a client, everyone will want to go there.”
Oh dear.
“But trust me, these lips aren’t loose,” she continued, again before I could utter a noise. “Don’t even think they are. Junior likes his BJs tight so I don’t ever go there. Come in at three. It’s called Maude’s House of Beauty. It was my mom’s before me. She’s Maude. Obviously, I’m not. We’ll go for a drink after I sort you out and that way I can be home in time to feed Junior and the hooligans I pushed out for him and you can get to Jake and rock his world.”
“I’m afraid I can’t,” I told her and I was actually quite disappointed I couldn’t. “I’ll have Ethan.”
“That’s cool. We’ll drop Eath with my Bryant. They’re buds. My girl Sofie will look after them.”
“I think I need to clear this with Jake and, well… Ethan,” I said.
“You with the big man now?” she asked.
I kept my eyes resolutely to the island and answered, “Yes.”
“Course you are,” she hooted. “So ask. I’ll wait.”
I drew in a breath then said, “Please hold on.”
“I’ll be here,” she replied.
I looked up to see Jake had eyes to me but a spoon to the browning hamburger meat.
“This is Alyssa. She says that her girl Sofie can watch after Ethan while I—”
“Yes!” Ethan broke in. “Can I go to Bryant’s after school tomorrow, Dad? Can I? Hunh?”
“Yep,” Jake answered, grinning at his son.
He then turned his grin to me and winked.
When he did, I felt my belly dip and it was an even better sensation knowing some of the other ways Jake could make my belly dip.
Then I went back to Alyssa. “Jake and Ethan are fine with that.”
“Right on!” she shouted. “Okay, see you at three. Maude’s. I’m on Cross Street, about two and a half blocks north of Wayfarer’s. Later!”
After her farewell, not waiting for mine, she was gone.
I put my phone to the counter.
“Take it you’re hookin’ up with Alyssa tomorrow,” Jake noted unnecessarily and I looked to him.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
He grinned and his voice was soft when he said, “Good.”
I already liked Alyssa but I had a feeling I was going to like her more because clearly Jake liked her and he liked her for me.
I grinned back just as I heard a commotion at the door to the garage. Mere moments later, the door was thrown open and Amber and boy Taylor surged in. Following them, girl Taylor strolled in like she was arriving at the end of a runway and about to stop to strike a pose.
Amber went to Jake, threw her arms around him (regardless of the cooking meat that was close and the wooden spoon in his hand), got up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.
She did this quickly and just as quickly greeted, “Hey, Dad. I’m alive.”
“I see,” he replied, smiling down at his daughter.
That caused another belly dip.
I didn’t get to fully appreciate this one as, without delay, Amber rushed to me, grabbed my hand and started tugging, announcing loudly and with great liveliness, “Josie! I’m so glad you’re here! I sooooooo have to talk to you.”
She must have very much soooooo had to talk to me for she dragged me out of the kitchen, to the stairs and up them. It was clear boy Taylor agreed with her urgent need for communication for he put his hands on my back just above my bottom and gratuitously shoved me up the stairs Amber was yanking me up.
We hit the door to her room. One that I’d noted earlier had a white board on it with little pink and blue flowers drawn in at the edges. But contradictory to the cheerful flowers, the words “Enter and Die!” were printed on it in hot pink in the middle and under that, smaller but in all capital letters, “THAT MEANS YOU RUNT!”
It should be noted that under that, in much smaller letters and in black marker was written in a different hand, “Don’t call me runt!!!!!!!!!”