He still had a smile in his voice when he asked, “You think that instead of you comin’ outta your skin tonight, maybe it wasn’t that and instead you dropped the disguise?”
“What disguise?”
There was no smile in his voice at all when he said gently, “The one you been wearin’ for a long f**kin’ time, baby.”
Yes, Gran had talked about me.
I said nothing but I did something.
I slid down the bed and hid, doing this by pressing my face back into his chest.
“How ‘bout we talk about that later,” he suggested, still speaking gently.
I again said nothing but I indicated agreement by nodding.
He gathered me close in his arms again and stated, “Glad you get off on me fightin’.”
I took in a deep breath and gratefully accepted his subject change. “I met a woman prior to your bout. Her name is Alyssa and she warned me that would happen.”
“Alyssa. Surprised I didn’t hear her moanin’ through the walls before I came out for my fight. More times than I could count over the years, before the door closes on her ass, me and a bunch of boys have seen her drop to her knees and start to blow Junior just freein’ his dick from his trunks enough for her to latch on.”
It would seem that fighters and their partners were very blunt when discussing sex.
However, that wasn’t what concerned me.
What concerned me was that I might have become the new Alyssa of the adult boxing league that night.
Therefore, I mumbled, “At least you locked the door.”
There was a moment of silence before he called, “Babe.”
I didn’t reply. I quite enjoyed Jake fighting and although I would never have guessed it, I much wanted to see him do it again.
Alas, I couldn’t. I couldn’t show my face again.
It would be mortifying.
“Josie,” he called again.
“I’m tired,” I told him which wasn’t completely a lie.
“Baby, look at me.”
I took in another deep breath before I tipped my head back and looked at him.
He was already looking at me and he didn’t delay in speaking when he caught my eyes.
“I get that was probably not your thing but outside of that assclown bein’ an assclown and mouthin’ off, I’ll tell you how that felt for me. You’re beautiful. You’re classy. You’re sweet. You dress f**kin’ cool and unbelievably hot. I KO’d the third seed in our league in five minutes and I was prouder of walkin’ out of that room with you, knowin’ everyone knew you were mine and just how you were mine, what I could do to you and what you could give to me, than I was at watching him hit the mat.”
“That’s absurd and beautiful, both at the same time,” I blurted.
I saw his white teeth in the shadows and knew he was smiling when he advised, “Grasp on to the beautiful part, Slick.”
“I’ll make an effort to do that, Jake.”
I watched his face get closer then I felt his mouth on mine. He kissed me, it was again deep and sweet but it wasn’t long before he broke contact with my mouth and lifted his lips to touch them to my forehead.
He then dropped to his back but took me with him, holding me close to his side.
I wrapped my arm around his flat stomach and rested my cheek against his chest.
“You get on with Alyssa?” he asked when we’d settled.
“She was lovely, albeit loud and foul-mouthed.”
“She’s the shit. Good woman. Good mom. Good to Junior.”
“She asked me for my number,” I shared and his arm around my back gave me a squeeze.
“I’ll talk to Junior. Get hers. She doesn’t call you, you call her. You got me, the kids, but women need women at their backs and she’d be a good one.”
I didn’t have very many women at mine, but the ones I had, I knew this was true.
“I’ll call her if she doesn’t call me.”
That got me another squeeze before he murmured, “Good.”
He fell silent.
I stared at the shadowed angles of his chest.
I did this for some time before I whispered, “Jake?”
“Baby, we’re good,” he whispered back, answering the question I hadn’t yet asked. The question that had me most afraid. The question that might lead to what we’d done being a foolhardy act which would mean we’d lose all we’d built. And even in the short time we’d had, we’d built something beautiful I never wanted to lose.
I just wanted to build it higher, stronger and keep it forever.
“What’s next?” I queried.
“Don’t know, Josie. Just know whatever it is I want you to be a part of it and I hope like f**k you want the same.”
I closed my eyes tight and pressed my cheek hard to his chest.
I wanted the same.
I very much wanted the same.
But I didn’t expect Jake to want it.
Clearly, he did.
And I didn’t know how to feel the feeling I was feeling. I’d been content for so long I forgot how to feel happy.
I turned my head and my lips moved against his skin when I noted, “You like me too.”
His hand slid up my spine to curl around the back of my neck when he replied, “Oh yeah, honey. I like you too.”
I swallowed the emotion that was clogging my throat and dipped my chin into my neck so I could press my forehead into his skin.
His hand tightened on my neck and he urged, “Go to sleep, Josie.”
At his command, I opened my eyes, turned my head and settled in. “Okay, Jake.”
He moved his other arm to wrap both around me and I settled deeper into him. With effort, I relaxed against him and it didn’t take long before one of his arms slid away, the other one loosened, his hand resting lightly at my waist, and I knew he was asleep.
I wasn’t asleep.
The last time I got what I wanted, what I really, really wanted was when Andy came to sit by me in lunch at high school.
And that didn’t work out very well.
Somehow, it had happened again.
I’d been happy then.
I felt happy now.
Right alongside utterly terrified.
This thought seized me and I rolled away from Jake to turn my eyes to the window.
I couldn’t see the sea from where I was in the bed, but I could see the inky sky and bright shaft of moonlight.
I was barely away from him but for seconds before Jake rolled into me and I felt his arm curl around my belly.
He did nothing more. He said nothing. His breath was even. His hold was again loose.