So it worked.
“Well, I didn’t want to shout and you can hear me when I’m talking to you in my mind, so I tried it and –”
He cut me off. “I can’t hear you all the time, only when I’m listening.”
That was news.
“Really?”
He waited a moment before stating, “No one has ever done that.”
I felt my eyes go round as I repeated, “Really?”
His expression turned thoughtful. I suspected so did mine. I wanted to know what in the hell was going on.
Then his expression went watchful again like he was denying something from me, which I thought was weird.
Eventually, he said quietly, “Really.”
He studied my face, his eyes so intent I felt that pulsating feeling again, as if he was trying to source my mood, invade my thoughts.
I wished with all my heart I could do the same thing.
I wanted to ask what he was doing but I figured Myrna would let him do whatever he wanted to do without question, even if he was invading her mind. So I just looked at him.
Finally he declared, “Let’s eat.”
I put the potatoes in a serving bowl and carried all the food to the table while Lucien opened the wine and poured it. All the while this happened I had a freaky feeling about the whole getting into his mind business.
I added that to my very long, mental Ask Mom Tomorrow List.
We’d served up the food and I was buttering my flaky, still warm biscuit (it could be argued my biscuits were better than my fried chicken, or, at least, Mom and Lana could argue about it and they did all the time) when Lucien spoke again.
“We need to talk about last night.”
My mouth was watering for the biscuit. When he spoke those words, it went dry and my appetite took a hike.
Regardless, I bit into the biscuit and chewed, the biscuit like dust in my mouth and looked at him with what I hoped was respectful enquiry.
He took in my look and his mouth got tight.
“And yesterday,” he went on.
I decided to waylay the talk by announcing hurriedly, “I was wrong about yesterday.”
His eyes locked with mine. “Yes, you were.”
My mind seethed.
My mouth reminded him softly, “I already apologized.”
“You apologized about some of it, not all of it.”
I pressed my lips together.
Lucien kept talking. “Katrina and I have been mates for fifty years, Leah, but I’ve known her seventy-five. I filed Severance from her this week. Do you know what Severance means?”
I nodded.
He watched me nod and continued, “Our impending Severance had nothing to do with you and everything to do with you.”
That didn’t make any sense and I didn’t want it to make any sense. I didn’t want to be talking about this at all. But as usual, I didn’t get a choice. Lucien kept speaking.
“I knew things weren’t right with Rina and you personify everything that isn’t right about her. Being with you prompted me, finally, to make my decision.”
His words didn’t penetrate.
That wasn’t true, one did. He called her Rina.
I heard him say it the day before but now I felt him say it.
My stomach twisted.
“She loves you,” I whispered through the pain in my stomach.
“She doesn’t know what love is,” he replied tersely. “Vampires don’t have the same expectations when they mate, Leah. Eternity is a very long time. It isn’t unheard of for there to be absences, sometimes for years, even decades. And fidelity is definitely not a requirement of vampire mating.”
I had the sense he was explaining something about his relationship with Rina but I also had the sense he was explaining something to me.
My dry mouth went parched.
Obviously, since my contract stated he had free use of my blood and my body, I couldn’t expect him to be faithful to his mate.
Just as obviously, since he had a mate, Severance or not, I shouldn’t expect that he would be faithful to me. Neither my blood nor my body.
It was then something hit me. Something so overpowering that stomach twist wrenched the other way, more acute, slicing through me.
I had enough experience with the wrong kind of men to know exactly what he was saying. The about face with the orgasm business last night and this morning wasn’t him wanting to give me something.
It was Lucien’s act of contrition.
Regardless of this Vamp Non-Fidelity rule, he felt guilty.
I put my biscuit on my plate.
Then I whispered, “You had sex last night.”
It sounded like an accusation and I wanted to kick myself. Myrna wouldn’t make an accusation, never in a million years. And I didn’t have any right to make an accusation. None whatsoever.
But I couldn’t take it back.
His face went hard. “Leah –”
I waved my hand in the air, trying to undo the damage I’d done as the knife in my belly sliced a painful line straight up to my gullet.
“It isn’t any of my business.” I tried to make it come out airily but feared I failed.
“Leah –” he started again but I began to carve into my fried chicken breast and talked over him.
“You just be you, do what you want, live your life like any vamp would. And I’ll be me and do my job, no troubles for you, no expectations of you. Promise.”
I was looking at my plate, surprised, even at myself, that I’d just let go of the game and came clean.
This was a mistake. I should have kept my eyes on him.
“Your job?” he asked in a silky voice I’d never heard him use before. A voice that was beyond scary. So scary, my eyes shot to his face.
It appeared I’d made some kind of mistake. A bad one.
He was angry. Belatedly, I felt his fury had filled the room and I found it hard to breathe.
I also found myself confused. I mean, it was my job being his concubine.
Wasn’t it?
In an effort to calm his anger, I decided to explain.
“I figured it out yesterday, Lucien,” I told him and, seeing as this was slightly embarrassing, my eyes went to a point over his shoulder, before going back to my plate. I put a bite of chicken in my mouth then looked back to him.
He was silent through this, not eating, his elbow on the table, his wineglass in hand, his eyes scorching into me.
I kept going after I swallowed. “I’d been an idiot.” I thought he’d like that but his face didn’t change. “You’ve been very kind to me, generous with me.” I waved my fork around the kitchen in a lame effort to make my point. “I can’t imagine all vamps are like this and, even if they are, it’s not a bad life. I… I…” I stammered, losing my momentum when his face still didn’t change but I found the courage to sally forth. “I’d been wrong. So, yesterday, when I had all that time to think, I decided I’ll do my job servicing you until you’re through with me. No more fights. No more tantrums. I promise.”