So far I’ve gotten away with being designated as Drew’s researcher. No one else really has researchers, but I’m there, and I can’t compete for myself so he gets to use me. If he wasn’t so good it never would have flown, but he performs. When Drew does well, the team does well, and when the team does well, Mr. Trent looks good, so he’ll give Drew just about anything he asks for. Which works for me, because it keeps me out of the claws of Ethan Hall, who still thinks asking me for blow jobs in the guidance office, while pretending to harmlessly flirt, is romantic.
I hand Drew the printouts and my notes and we split up the rest of the work so we can finish it tonight. I haven’t quit badgering him about Tierney yet.
“Why can’t you guys at least be friends? Wouldn’t that be better than nothing?” I’m not an expert on relationships. Not any of them. Not familial, not romantic, not friendly. Relationships require communication, which is not really my thing, so it’s a weak subject for me. I just don’t get why he has to act like he hates her when he so obviously doesn’t.
“No, it would not be better than nothing. It would absolutely be worse than nothing.”
“That’s such a cop-out. Guys always say that because it’s easy.”
“And girls always want to change the rules in the middle of the game. You can’t change the rules and think everyone else is just going to keep playing. I know what her hair smells like, but I can’t get close enough to her to press my face into it. I know how soft her skin is on every part of her body, but I can’t touch it. I know what she tastes like, but I can’t kiss her. I’m not allowed anymore; so why should I torture myself with being around her, just so I can say we’re still friends?”
“Still doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense, and if you’d stop to think about it for one minute, you’d realize it. If you and Josh were suddenly not together, do you think you could still hang out with him all the time? Be in his house, but not touch him? Act happy for him when he’s going out with some other girl and she’s going to know all of the things about him that you know, but that all of a sudden you’re not supposed to know anymore? You couldn’t do it, either.”
“Josh isn’t in love with me and I’m not in love with him.”
“Sell it to someone who’s buying, Sunshine. Have you seen the way he looks at you?” I’ve seen the way he looks at me but I don’t know what it means. “Like you’re a seventeenth-century, hand-carved table in mint condition.”
“So he looks at me like I’m furniture.”
“Exactly. See? You know what I’m talking about.”
“Nobody likes a smartass.”
“Fallacy. Everybody likes a smart ass. Especially you.” He fixes his eyes on mine, and it’s obvious he won’t be done proving his theories until I concede. “Friends is bullshit and you’ll know it, too, when it happens to you. When the two of you break up, you’ll know exactly what I mean.”
“We-can’t-break-up-if-we-aren’t-together.” I enunciate every word in my most exasperated voice, but it doesn’t deter him.
“Semantics. It’s going to happen and everyone,” he gestures around the room to the audience that isn’t there, “knows it but you. One day, you’re going to get drunk and screw the shit out of each other and then you’re going to realize how incredibly, stupidly in love you are, or maybe vice-versa, knowing you two. Could happen. But anyway, you’ll be together. And then one day, you won’t. And when that day comes, I can promise you, you won’t be friends. You’ll hate each other before you’ll ever just be friends.”
“I don’t want him to love me.” Why I say this out loud is beyond me, but it’s true. I don’t want the obligations and the expectations. I don’t want to be the source of disappointment in another person’s life.
“He doesn’t want to love you either so I guess you’re on the same page.”
Talking about Josh is starting to feel like a very bad idea. “We’re supposed to be talking about Tierney.”
“We’re supposed to be talking about government term limits.”
“Alright, I’ll accept your impossible friendship theory if you tell me what happened. Maybe if I know how it ended, I’ll agree with you.” I actually am starting to agree with him, but I’m not telling him yet. I want the story.
“I was an ass**le.”
“That’s a given. Quit stalling.”
“We got together. Together, together,” he clarifies. “Not just my version of together. Tierney didn’t want anyone to know because she refused to have people thinking she was another name on a very long and undistinguished list. She said she was better than that. And she was better than that. She never would have hooked up with me if it was nothing. But dickhead Trevor Mason kept giving me shit, so I told him. Except I didn’t tell him we were together. I just told him we were screwing. She got pissed. Broke up with me. Everybody acted like she was a loser for thinking I gave a crap about her.”
“Did you give a crap about her?”
He nails me with a look that says that I know the answer and he’s not saying it. I think the word love might sear his tongue.
“You guys don’t even have anything in common. What’s the attraction? And please refrain from listing body parts or anything involving the word oral.”
“She’s Tierney. She gives me shit, but she won’t take mine. She makes me laugh, but she laughs more. She argues with me about everything, even when she knows she’ll never win. Plus, she’s hot as hell and she can’t stand me. Is there anything else that could possibly make her more attractive?”
“It sounds like you’re giving a speech. Bottom line it, Drew.”
“Damn, you’re annoying,” he groans, but that’s what he always does when he’s going to answer anyway. “Listen, I know what I look like and I know how smart I am. Shut up. Don’t look at me like that. I know it and you know it. But I know I’m a pretty shit human being, too,” he says, sounding momentarily sincere. “Tierney made me feel like I wasn’t completely worthless as a person.”
“But you treat her like she’s worthless. You hurt her feelings all the time. I know she’s all hard-core and everything, but you do know she has feelings, right?”