I need to make it up to him. But how?
I’m pondering this when another email comes through from Nate.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013 14:28
From: Nathan McKenna
To: Julianne Montgomery
Subject: Departing
Julianne,
I am about to board the plane back to Seattle. Once you’ve finished with the reports I emailed to you earlier, you are free to leave for the day.
Nate
He’s still so cold, although I know that in work email he doesn’t really have a choice. He could have texted me with something more personal, and the fact that he didn’t makes me really nervous.
Did I fuck up so badly yesterday that he’s going to break it off?
Wednesday, May, 15, 2013 14:35
From: Julianne Montgomery
To: Nathan McKenna
Subject: Re: Departing
Nate,
Safe travels. See you in the office tomorrow.
Julianne
But he’s not getting off that easy. I pull out my phone and send him a text.
Please travel safely. I’m excited to see you tonight.
There is no response.
Shit.
***
I’m later getting to Nate’s than I really intended to be. I had to stop by the hospital to see Natalie, Luke and Olivia, and I couldn’t go empty-handed, so I stopped to shop a little on the way. I ended up with a huge, super-soft giraffe and a tiny pink onesie that says, “Birth: Nailed It.”
I don’t have any idea if Nate has already made it home because I haven’t heard a peep from him. I guess I’ll find out when I get there.
I park in my usual space, leave my suitcase in the car in case I’m not welcome to stay here tonight, and ride the elevator to his floor, and as the elevator climbs, so does my anxiety level.
Based on how things have gone over the past twenty-four hours, I’m inclined to believe that things may be done between us. The thought of it makes me hurt like nothing ever has before.
I walk down to his door and put my shiny new key in the lock. I step into Nate’s apartment, and can immediately sense that I’m alone.
He’s not home yet.
It’s chilly inside, so I switch on his gas fireplace to warm the space and turn on a few lamps in the living room and the light over the kitchen stove.
Maybe I should cook for him? I wonder if he’s eaten.
I’m standing in the middle of Nate’s sexy kitchen, wondering what to do with myself when the front door opens and he walks inside, pulling his small black suitcase behind him. He’s wearing another dark suit and tie, and his hair is pulled back off his face.
He’s still in executive mode.
“I’ll be right back,” he murmurs and walks through the great room toward his bedroom without sparing me a glance.
Maybe I should just save him the trouble of telling me it’s over and leave now. I know he’s mad, and I wasn’t expecting a scene from a movie where we run toward each other in slow motion and hold on for dear life. We saw each other just yesterday morning, for Pete’s sake, but I was hoping for something a little warmer than that.
My heels click on the hardwood as I walk to the couch and gather my purse and wrap, and then I head to the front door. My hand is on the knob when I hear his hard voice across the room.
“If you walk through that door, so help me God, Julianne, I will tie you to my bed.”
I lower my head and sigh. I’m so confused. He wants me to stay?
“Look at me.” It’s not a request.
I turn around and face him. He’s changed into a soft gray t-shirt and black jeans, and his hair is down. He’s shed his professional clothes, and is just a man standing before me.
An angry man.
“Where are you going?” he asks and crosses his arms over his chest.
“Home.”
“Why?”
“You don’t seem to be terribly happy to see me.” I’m proud of keeping my voice steady despite the tears that want to come.
God, I’m such a girl.
Regret moves through his eyes and he frowns and runs a hand through his hair. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, and I take that to mean that I’m right. I close my eyes and hang my head, bracing myself for the goodbye.
“It’s okay, Nate. I get it. I’ll go.” I turn back toward the door and before I know what’s happening, Nate twirls me around and grips my shoulders in his large, strong hands, holding me in front of him, his feral eyes trained on mine. He’s panting, and he’s just so angry.
“You are not running again.”
“I’m not going to stay where I’m not wanted.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve barely heard from you since last night. You won’t talk to me. You’re cold and distant. I’m not an idiot, Nate, I know when someone’s trying to break it off.”
He clenches his teeth and closes his eyes, then looks at me with such need my knees almost buckle.
“I don’t know how to deal with how I feel for you. I was a wreck yesterday when I couldn’t reach you. No one at the office knew where you ran off to, and you wouldn’t answer me. When you finally did call me, you brushed me off and told me I’m ridiculous and that our relationship is bullshit.”
“That’s not what I…”
“That’s what you said,” he interrupts me and grips me tighter. “No one hurts me, Julianne. No one. I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me. That’s what got me through fighting, and it’s what’s gotten me to where I am now. And then you came into my life, and you just blindsided me. I am so fucking wrapped up in you I can’t see straight, and you tell me I’m a caveman for wanting to protect you and that our relationship is bullshit.”
Tears are running down my cheeks at the despair and loss on his face. My God, I had no idea his feelings for me are so strong. That he feels for me the same way that I feel for him.
I’ve never been so relieved and devastated at the same time. How am I going to fix this?
“I don’t know how to deal with it either, Nate.” I cup his face in my hands. “I was so sure that you were finished with me, that I’d pissed you off so badly that we couldn’t fix it. I didn’t mean that our relationship is bullshit. I didn’t.” I stress this and look him dead in the eyes. He’s watching me, listening, and I continue.