“You know I dont care if you eat at that damn restaurant, right?” Ty murmured, his voice low and affectionate and oddly gentle after what theyd just done.
Zane turned his chin enough to press a kiss against Tys collarbone as pleasant warmth filled him. “You know Ive never even looked at him, right?”
Ty was silent for a long moment. Finally he turned his head and said, “Appropriate time for a blind joke here, or is it too soon?” Zane snickered and jabbed at Tys ribs. “Jerk.” Ty laughed quietly, the sound warm and reassuring, as he nuzzled his nose into Zanes hair again. When the laughter ebbed, Zane realized Ty was holding his breath, and something about the slight tremble to Tys body made Zane feel that Ty wanted to speak again. It wasnt the first time Zane had noticed it, and suddenly Zane realized what Ty was keeping himself from saying in moments like this:
I love you. Zane squeezed his eyes shut and kissed Tys shoulder again, resisting the urge to crawl into Tys lap and do whatever he had to in order to get Ty to say it again. He wanted to hear it again, just once, after all these weeks, now that it meant so much more, now that Zane had acknowledged to himself that he knew what the leaden weight in his chest was. Now that he might be able to believe what he felt for Ty was real and not just a result of circumstance and proximity. Now that Zane needed courage he couldnt quite find to take that final step and deliberately fall.
“You okay?” Ty asked quietly. “I didnt hurt you, did I?”
Zane actually wasnt sure, but he shook his head anyway. “Floors cold,” he whispered as he shivered, and he recognized the source of that reaction. He was scared. There. Hed admitted it. He was scared, terribly scared, because Ty loved him and Zane didnt know how to handle it when he couldnt even explain how he felt himself because he was still digging through fear and guilt about the past and trying to justify reaching for the future he so desperately wanted….
“Yeah,” Ty agreed contentedly. His fingers played with Zanes hair, his body relaxed against Zanes. He seemed perfectly happy to just sit there and hold Zane for the rest of the night. He cleared his throat and moved his chin to rest it on top of Zanes head. “Were never going to find that lube,” he muttered in wry amusement.
“Well get more,” Zane murmured, gears still spinning as he tried to deal with the questions and uncertainty crashing down on him. Somewhere in it all was a pang of upset: wasnt loving someone supposed to be a happy thing? He cursed his innate habit of analyzing everything to death and turned his face into Tys arm. “How about bed?” he suggested quietly. “Id….” He shivered again.
Tys chin moved again, and Zane got the impression Ty was peering down at him. “Youd what?” Zane bit his lip for a moment before answering. “Id really like you to hold me for a while,” he whispered. It felt odd to say it like that, something so innocuous yet meaningful.
“I dont know… youre all sweaty,” Ty said with mock distaste. He pressed his mouth and nose to Zanes cheek and smiled so Zane could feel it. He inhaled deeply, growling on the exhale. “You smell good, though.”
The weight on Zanes chest let up a little as Ty kept his response light. Zane wasnt sure what hed been expecting. He reached out to drag his fingers down Tys chest to his belly, where Zanes come had smeared between them. “Could shower first,” he offered.
“No point in that,” Ty murmured. “Yet.”
Zane grunted inquisitively. Ty smiled against his cheek again, then pulled his arm away and pushed himself to his feet with a groan. “Oh my God,” he bemoaned. “Im too old for that.”
“Ha!” Zane scoffed from the floor. “As the man eight-plus years older than you who just got f**ked to the point of not being able to remember to breathe, I disagree.”
Tys hand found his and pulled him to his feet. He pulled Zane closer despite both of them still being sticky and kissed him chastely. “Are you complaining?” Ty asked seriously.
“Not even a tiny bit,” Zane murmured as he found his physical balance. He leaned closer into Tys arms, seeking the comfort he craved and needed for his emotional balance, which felt like an unbolted teeter-totter.
“Good. Cause that took a lot of energy,” Ty said with obvious amusement. He let his hand slide down Zanes arm, and he took his hand. “Come on. I want to keep you in bed long enough for that pasta to go bad.”
GRAHAM stood on the sidewalk, staring wide-eyed at the door. What the hell kind of fight were those guys having? He held the envelope between damp fingers. Hed written it quickly. Hed wanted to follow Mr. Garrett and his friend, but hed missed them leaving the restaurant while hed been washing dishes. He had been so panicked for a moment hed almost told Leticia that he needed to go after them, but then hed overheard Ryan talking about delivering to Mr. Garretts and realized they had to have his address in the delivery logs. Turned out his place was only a block away, close enough he could walk there on his break, and so he had, shaky but determined.
Graham had to tell someone what Pierce was doing. Who better than an FBI agent who couldnt see his face to identify him? But now, standing here, listening to what sounded like a violent disagreement inside, Graham was having second thoughts. The door actually rattled as someone pounded on it erratically. Well, the other dude had looked awfully angry when they were at Chiapparellis.
Graham swallowed hard, steeled himself, and gripped the confession in his fist as he stepped up to the door. He wouldnt knock, because there was no way he was going to interrupt whatever epic battle was going on inside, so he smoothed the letter out with shaking hands and slipped it under the door.
It got stuck in the rubber doorstop and wouldnt push all the way under. Graham cussed to himself and shoved it harder. It crinkled up, and he stopped. Another bang and thump against the door followed by what sounded like a shout of pain made him jump back, and he looked up at the door, heart hammering in his throat. The letter wasnt going anywhere, but he sure as hell was.
He turned and jogged to the corner and around the block, back to the restaurant and safety.
Chapter Nine
Z ANE shifted as he came awake. He was warm, half-wrapped in the sheet, but something was missing. He frowned and reached out, his hand catching on the rucked-up quilt before coasting over the cool sheet beside him. Zane pushed himself up on one elbow as he started to rub at his eyes. After a moment, he made himself stop. It wasnt like it was going to help. He still couldnt see anything. His chest clenched painfully.