‘I’m sorry.’ A sob rose up in my throat. He was the one good person left in my world, and I was hurting him anyway.
Hurting him to be free.
‘What did I do?’ Ethan swallowed, springing to his feet. He crossed the room to me, grabbing my hands. ‘Was this because I pressured you? I’m sorry, I was being a pig. I won’t do it again, I swear.’
‘No.’ I pulled away. ‘It’s not that. It’s not you! It’s . . . everything.’
‘I don’t understand.’ He looked bewildered, his blue eyes wide with emotion. ‘Tell me what to do, Chloe. I’ll do anything!’
‘You can’t,’ I cried. ‘It’s over, OK? We’re done.’
There was silence.
Ethan caught his breath, his chest rising and falling as he clenched his jaw and looked around the room. ‘You’re just stressed, I get it,’ he said, sounding determined. ‘With your mom, and school, it’s all been too much for you.’
‘Ethan . . . ’ I protested weakly.
‘It’s OK.’ He gave me a tight smile. ‘You’re right, you need a break. Some space to think. This trip will be good for you, and then we’ll talk when you get back.’
I watched him helplessly. He wasn’t listening. He didn’t understand. That was Ethan, right from the start. He’d decided on me, that day in the diner, all charm and boyish enthusiasm, talking me into our very first date by sheer force of will. He’d picked me, and that was it. In his mind, we belonged together.
But I didn’t belong to anyone at all.
I exhaled. ‘Fine,’ I lied, not wanting to hurt him any more. ‘We’ll talk when I get back.’
‘Do you need a ride to the airport?’ he offered, pulling his sweater back on.
I shook my head. ‘No. We’re good.’
Ethan smiled at me again, tender as ever. ‘We’ll be OK,’ he reassured me. ‘I know things are tough, and you feel like you can’t handle it. But you can. I’m not giving up on you yet.’
He leaned down to kiss my cheek as he passed me towards the door. I felt the brush of his lips against me and turned my head away.
‘Goodbye,’ I whispered, knowing it was the last time.
‘See you soon.’
I listened to him thump downstairs and let himself out, closing the door softly behind him. The last threads of guilt strung up around my heart finally snapped.
I thought that was the last I’d ever see of him.
I was wrong.
I pace, panicked, down faded hospital hallways and back through endless swinging doors. I’m trying to keep myself together, keep the terror hemmed inside, but how can I keep pretending now that Ethan is awake?
I can feel him now, taking a crowbar to my delicate cages, cracking them wide open and letting the darkness loose. All my secrets and fear and tangled, twisted lies, taking flight around me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop him.
I should have run, back at the house, when I still had the chance. I should have got the hell out of town before it locked me up here forever.
I circle back to the ICU, expecting to meet a pack of deputies at any moment. The curtains to Ethan’s room are pulled closed, and I can just imagine Weber’s woeful expression, noting down the long list of my crimes. I shiver, already feeling the sting of metal on my wrists, the harsh glare of the interview room.
I know what’s coming to me, the only question is, when?
‘Chloe.’
I hear Weber’s call from by the elevators and turn, confused. He’s not in there?
‘I thought you were talking to Ethan,’ I say, my voice shaking slightly.
Weber doesn’t seem to notice. ‘I was, but the doctors needed to check him out first.’
‘Is everything OK?’ I ask, my mind still racing. ‘They said he was fine.’
‘Nothing to worry about.’ Weber scrutinizes me now. ‘Just some more tests. He’s been through a lot.’
I nod, forcing myself to seem calm. ‘Did he, say anything?’ I ask, casually.
‘Not much yet. He was pretty confused and out of it from the drugs.’ Weber pauses. ‘When the doctors are finished, I’ll sit down for a real chat.’
‘Right.’ My heart pounds. ‘I don’t know how much he’ll remember,’ I add, ‘he was already unconscious when I dragged him out. I think he hit his head pretty hard.’
Weber narrows his eyes. ‘We’ll see about that.’
The door opens and the doctor emerges. Weber moves to enter, but he blocks the path. ‘Ethan needs to rest now,’ the doctor informs him.
Weber scowls. ‘I have to speak to him. This is a murder investigation, remember?’
The doctor holds fast. ‘It’ll have to wait. He’s been through a severe trauma. I want to minimize any additional stress, at least for a few more hours until we see how he stabilizes.’
Weber shoots me a look. ‘Then nobody goes in, you understand.’
I take a step back. ‘It’s OK, I was just going to find Annette. I think she’s in the cafeteria. I could get you something,’ I add, with a helpful smile.
Weber shakes his head, and turns back to the doctor. ‘I want to see his medical records, I need to know everything that happened to him.’
‘Of course.’
The doctor gestures for Weber to follow him, but Weber doesn’t take a step until I do.
‘I’ll be downstairs if you need me,’ I tell him, still sounding upbeat. I walk carefully down the hall towards the elevator, feeling his eyes on me. As the doors close, I see him finally turn and follow the doctor away.
I wait until the elevator reached the basement, then I hit the button again and head straight back up to the ICU. I walk fast back down the hallway and check around, but nobody is in sight. I crack the door to Ethan’s room, and step inside.
It’s dark, and it takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim. I edge towards the bed, tip-toeing silently, but suddenly, the lamp turns on and the room is flooded with golden light.
My heart stops.
Ethan is sitting up in bed.
‘I was wondering when you’d show up.’
I took Mom to the airport and hugged her goodbye with tears stinging in the back of my throat.
‘You’ve got magazines for the flight,’ I told her, fussing with her scarf in the tiny local departures terminal. ‘And I packed you a snack too. I wrote down all your details for the connection. Carol will be there to pick you up at the other end.’