‘Can I talk to you? In private?’ he added, watching as Cain turned and glanced from one of us to the other.
‘Err, sure,’ I replied hesitantly, silently begging Cain with my eyes to object. He gave me one last apologetic look before walking off, closely followed by the other five. As Lyla passed she glared at me, arms crossed defensively across her chest.
Suddenly finding the pavement extremely interesting, I hid behind my hair, praying he would not see the fiery blush tainting my cheeks. Brushing my toe across a crack in the stone he spoke.
‘What happened earlier?’ His voice was unnaturally calm and controlled, as though he was barely containing his temper – something I suspected I had never truly seen.
‘Earlier?’
‘With Kaspar.’
I sighed. I should have known. Of course Fabian would want to know why I had his blood on my lips; why Kaspar had disappeared, which I did not even know the answer to myself. Hates the tube, my arse.
‘Nothing,’ I exhaled, knowing my ploy to lie would not last long.
He took a step closer, towering above me. And in the narrow side-street, surrounded by tall town buildings, the low hum of traffic just a few streets over, the grey, unexciting skies hovering above me, I felt extremely small. Extremely insignificant.
‘Just tell me, Violet.’
‘We stopped at that place and Kaspar, he seemed distracted, and suddenly he just pulled me towards him, a-and we talked, and then …’ I trailed off.
‘Go on.’
‘He cut his lip, and I sort of, well, we-we kissed,’ I said, surprised at how eager I was to tell someone; anyone. My head dropped to the floor because I knew I could not face seeing his expression at that moment. ‘But only for a second and then he disappeared.’
A small, strained voice cut through the silence. ‘Why?’
‘I-I don’t know … his blood just sort of … sent me crazy, and I couldn’t stop it.’ Taking a peep up towards him, I saw him too looking at the ground. ‘What happened to me, Fabian? I-I didn’t want that!’
Lies, my voice breathed.
‘I don’t know. But … tell me the truth. Do you feel anything when I do this?’
‘Do what?’
He took a step towards me and tilted my chin to the side.
‘This.’
Planting his lips on mine, everything forbidden, wrong and immoral came flooding back. And that was just me wishing it was not Fabian’s lips on mine, but Kaspar’s.
As my lips moved in time to his of their own accord I felt the wave of gushing love, longing, need and most of all happiness. Yet all the while … it just wasn’t the same.
I knew that when we broke apart, that would be it and I would return to thinking of him as nothing more than a friend. And I knew that I was hurting him by allowing him to kiss me. Yet still my hands snaked around his neck, clutching the little bag of chips, pulling him down, closer. All of a sudden he broke away, holding me at arms length, hope gleaming in his eyes.
‘Anything?’
‘Yes. But …’ I heard his breath quicken. ‘I’m sorry, but it’s only ever when I kiss you. I don’t … it’s not … I’m sorry, Fabian, but I never have and never will think of you as more than a friend, and I don’t know why because you’re so nice, and you treat me so well …’
And Kaspar doesn’t, my voice offered.
‘I just don’t love you. I’m sorry … I don’t know what happens when I kiss you.’
He closed his eyes. ‘You experience what every other human would when they kiss a vampire. It’s how we seduce our prey … sometimes. And no, it’s not love,’ he said. Impassively. Unemotionally. But underneath I could hear the strained tone in his voice, the true measure of how much he was hurting.
‘And not what a relationship should be based on.’
Instantly, I regretted what I had said. Fabian’s expression dropped from unreadable to rage in mere seconds.
‘And what you and Kaspar have is? Should a relationship be based on lust, blood and desire? Is that what you want, Violet?!’ he thundered, taking a step closer to me as I did the same.
‘Who said anything about a relationship?’
‘No one. Nothing. Nothing but the way you act!’
‘I don’t want a relationship. Not with a vampire, not with anyone! I had enough of men when my last boyfriend cheated on me, remember?’ I screeched, breathing heavily, madly gesturing with my hands which were curled into fists, flinging the bag of chips around at precarious speed.
‘Don’t lie to me! You want him, and you know it.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘But hear me, Violet. When he breaks your heart, don’t come running to me, because I won’t have a heart to spare. Remember that.’
With that he turned and fled, leaving nothing behind but a whipped wind.
‘I won’t let my heart get broken, idiot,’ I murmured after him. I leaned up against the railings of a nearby house, undoubtedly split up into flats and allowed myself to cool down. After a few deep breaths, panic set in.
Why the hell do I prefer Kaspar when he was such an arse, plainly put? Okay, an arse with his moments, but cruel all the same?
You prefer him, because like you said, it’s not just because of the seduction that you kissed him, is it, Violet? my voice probed, in it’s usual taunting manner. Just follow your heart. What is the first name that comes into your head?
I sighed. ‘Kaspar.’
My voice chuckled. Then you made the right decision.
I closed my eyes, feeling stupid for seeking reassurance from a voice in my head. Yet I knew it was right. Because I knew I felt something for him, despite what he was, and despite the abuse I had put up with from all corners.
A shallow summary it was, but I wondered how I had rejected the good guy and found myself increasingly attracted to the jerk of a vampire prince. Who kidnapped me. My life is one messed up cliché of a story.
I sprung away from the railings and trailed in Fabian’s wake.
Leaning back onto the bench I stuck my greasy hands deep into my pockets, having finished my chips and impatient for the others to finish. Cain, sat next to me, had long since fallen silent and so instead I watched the street performers dotted along the embankment.
Something further along caught my eye. Three guys, wearing zipped-up hoodies and baggy jeans held up by belts that clearly did not work, were leisurely walking along the pavement, swearing loudly and laughing raucously at the nearest mime artist. Beanie hats over jagged fringes, tight T-shirts, collars turned up, they swaggered closer. It was only when one of them looked up and glanced our (Lyla’s) way that I recognized them.