‘About how I feel.’
‘Well, how are you feeling today? Happy? Glum? Better than I am, guaranteed.’
‘I’m being serious, Violet.’
From beside the fridge, Kaspar glanced our way; eyebrows raised, but said nothing.
I took a deep breath. ‘Look, Fabian, I don’t feel the same way about you, I can’t, not when Lyla feels how she does, and I’m sorry about that, because you’re a great guy, especially for a vampire. But you really shouldn’t waste your time on me; go find some nice vampire chick that isn’t totally different from you. Like Lyla. And this isn’t my world. It wouldn’t work.’ I tried to be as diplomatic as possible, emphasising Lyla’s feelings, but inside I was screaming, wondering why he had to bring this up now. Couldn’t it wait a few days?
‘But face it, Vi, you are not going to make it out of this human. Do you really think your father can get you out of this? Do you really think you can just leave? Do you even want to leave?’ he finished, glaring at me as my mouth fell open.
‘Maybe this isn’t such a good time to talk about this,’ Kaspar offered, leaning against the counter.
‘Fuck off, Kaspar,’ Fabian snapped.
The other man sprang up, hands in the air, whistling. ‘Don’t shoot the mediator.’
‘You are going to be that nice vampire chick, Vi. Better than Lyla. Maybe not soon. But you will be, because I know you can’t live like this for a lifetime. Don’t you get it? This is all a waiting game. We are waiting for you to buckle. And I will wait until you buckle, whether you like it or not!’
I felt like I had been slapped. Kaspar gritted his teeth, running a hand down the side of his face as Fabian’s chest heaved.
‘It’s Violet, not Vi.’ Leaving my tea behind, I stormed from the room. I don’t need this. I don’t have to put up with this. However, Fabian darted after me and, just as I stepped onto the carpet of the living room, he grabbed my arm, swinging me back around.
‘If you deny me your affections, then at least tell me one thing,’ he demanded in a tone of voice I had never heard him use before. Loathing. ‘You wouldn’t deny Kaspar, would you?’
My face formed into a scowl. ‘I would, and have!’
‘I can’t believe that,’ Fabian muttered. ‘I will wait for you. I will.’
I didn’t hang around to listen to him. Darting back up the stairs, I hesitated before throwing myself through the door to my room, realizing I was being stupid. The windows to my room were locked; there was no way he could get in.
I found a fresh pair of socks and used them to replace the ones I was wearing, diving onto the bed and smothering my face in the freshly changed sheets. I enjoyed the complete darkness behind my eyelids, knowing it was only a matter of time before tears would start to fall.
He could have waited. He didn’t have to bring it up now. Did he think I don’t have enough to think about? Was Ilta not enough?
His name made me feel dirty; contaminated. It was as though he had singed the parts of my skin his hands and fangs had passed over, leaving me to burn and crumble.
You can’t crumble, my voice said. You’re stronger than that.
‘Budge over, Girly; you’re taking up the whole bed.’
I was prepared to spring up when I heard the voice, but relaxed back down into the mattress when I realized it was Kaspar. I didn’t move. After a moment, I heard the bed springs at the end of the bed groan as he leaned against it.
‘He’s only being a bitch over this because he isn’t used to being rejected by human girls, you know.’
‘I’m a dhampir, remember?’ I answered, voice muffled by the sheets.
‘Tomahto, tomayto.’
I rolled over onto my back and dragged myself upright, propping myself against the pillows. I won’t buckle. They can wait all they like. But I couldn’t look at Kaspar whilst thinking that. Maybe I was afraid my face would betray my determination. Maybe I was afraid I would fall out of favour – and right now, I needed that favour.
I sighed. ‘Are there many dhampirs?’
He nodded. ‘About a thousand. A fraction of the total number of vampires. Most of them are hunters or slayers.’
‘What’s the difference?’
‘Rank. Slayers are more skilled than hunters, but to be honest, they’re all rotten bastards. I don’t tend to discriminate.’ Unsurprisingly, his eyes flashed black. I let my head fall against my knees, drawn into my own thoughts, trying to suppress the rising image of Trafalgar Square. I know you don’t discriminate.
THIRTY
Violet
Kaspar didn’t return for the rest of the day and, in the end, I figured he must have gone hunting. Fabian didn’t come near me and everybody else left me alone. This was exactly what I didn’t want. To lose the one vampire I was close to calling a friend.
With the daylight pouring in, the empty room didn’t seem so menacing and maybe I even welcomed the time alone. But then, the next minute, I would perch on the windowsill, watching the edge of the forest and half-expecting a figure to appear from their cover.
Why had my life turned upside down? I should be starting university, not stuck with creatures that shouldn’t even exist.
And Ilta. What had he said? That I should die? That he was saving me?
To top it all off, Fabian’s words from earlier refused to leave my overcrowded, frantic mind.
‘Do you really think you can just leave? Do you even want to leave?’
I should know the answer to that right away, but I didn’t, and that was what bothered me. I don’t know, I thought, as I forced my eyes closed, wanting to sleep. I really don’t know.
I was still asleep, I knew that. And yet, I was aware of my surroundings, but not truly conscious.
I could feel the cold wind tickling my skin, hear it whistling against the glass, hear the floor depressing and creaking slightly. I could feel the sound of metal scraping against metal and even in my barely awake state, it made my teeth clench. The voiles rustled, as though blowing in a gentle wind – one that might blow through an open door. The clock ticked on and I could hear dust settling on the furniture. It seemed to become darker for a moment, like curtains had been drawn around my sleeping form.
I felt and heard the mattress depress, but still I did not open my eyes. I felt cold skin brushing my own, but I didn’t move, or even think to scream.
I felt his weight held perfectly on top of me, heard his icy breath as I felt the burn of him gazing down at me. I felt every inch of carved flawlessness arch into my corpse, felt the lust and want, need, no, thirst, pumping through his veins.