mean.
EMLewis: In Oxford? It’s easy. You just act superior and fake as if you know all of their intellectual crap. Everybody’s pretending, in the end.
totes_tasha: sounds too easy.
EMLewis: No really, it’s that simple. If you look like them and read the books they do, it’s easy to blend in.
totes_tasha: so is that what you’re doing over there?
EMLewis: . . . Not exactly.
totes_tasha: :-)
EMLewis: I just like to have things sorted out, you know? But the people here are just so RELAXED. I’ve been trying to work on a script with this guy, Ryan, but he’s being difficult and
totes_tasha: morgan’s ryan?
EMLewis: They broke up last night, I think.
totes_tasha: lemme guess — he found her cheating.
EMLewis: How did you know?
totes_tasha: everyone knows. that’s what morgan does.
EMLewis: Oh. Well, now he’s angry at me because I didn’t tell him. What do I do?
totes_tasha: same thing u told me — go along with his bullshit and pretend.
EMLewis: That’s too vague! I need specifics.
totes_tasha: like what? there aren’t any rules.
EMLewis: God, I wish there were!
totes_tasha: ha seriously. that would so make life easier. like a guidebook for life.
EMLewis: You know . . .
EMLewis: That’s not a bad idea.
totes_tasha: ???
EMLewis: We should do that for each other.
EMLewis: Things to say, what to wear. A complete switch survival guide.
totes_tasha: haha should have guessed.
EMLewis: What do you mean?
totes_tasha: nothing. just, well, i figured you were . . . organized.
EMLewis: :shrugs:
totes_tasha: u know, it’s not a bad idea . . .
EMLewis: Being organized?
totes_tasha: the switch guide. think about it — i can tell you how to be me, and you can make me someone who fits in here.
EMLewis: But could we really do that?
totes_tasha: why not?
EMLewis: You don’t know me — I could never be like these girls, not even if I tried.
totes_tasha: hello, remember me? the hot-tub girl?!
EMLewis: Oh, right. That. Yes . . . Morgan mentioned something. . . .
totes_tasha: exactly. so about this switch guide . . .
totes_tasha: where would I start? hypothetically. if we were doing it.
EMLewis: Hmmm . . .
EMLewis: I’m not sure.
EMLewis: Maybe with the way you dress? If you look like the girls here, then you’d be really out of place in Oxford.
totes_tasha: totes.
totes_tasha: so what do i change?
EMLewis: I’ll send you some links to photographs. You’ll need a Raleigh jumper, for a start. And some shirts and jeans. But not those low-rise or skinny jeans. These need to be
totes_tasha: boring?
EMLewis: No, normal. And if you wear makeup like Morgan, you’ll need to tone it down. Very natural.
totes_tasha: right: boring.
EMLewis: Do you want my help or not?
totes_tasha: sorry.:-(it’s been a bad day. go on.
EMLewis: Sigh. That’s OK. I know how you feel.
totes_tasha: sucks, doesn’t it? i thought this switch would make everything better.
EMLewis: I know! But instead, it complicates everything even more.
totes_tasha: u want my advice?
EMLewis: Please.
totes_tasha: get morgan to take u shopping. you’ve got some cash, right?
EMLewis: Yes.
totes_tasha: cool, then have her & lexi take you out. get your hair & nails done, buy the outfits she says. if anyone can make you look like a UCSB girl, it’s morgan.
EMLewis: And then what?
totes_tasha: let go a lil.
totes_tasha: or at least pretend. if u walk around like everything’s serious and dull, then people will get bummed out.
EMLewis: So I should have a personality transplant?
totes_tasha: haha, no it’s cool. just smile and act like you don’t care. go with the flow. party. have fun.
EMLewis: I’ve been trying!
totes_tasha: so what went wrong??
EMLewis: I don’t know. No matter what I try, it doesn’t make a difference. And just when I thought things were working out with Sam, he betrayed me to his frat buddies.
totes_tasha: sam? aww, he’s a player.
EMLewis: Morgan said he was nice.
totes_tasha: morgan thinks any guy with a 6-pack is nice.
EMLewis: Yes, I’m realizing that.
totes_tasha: look, we’re both in the same place right now. we want to fit in and have fun, but nothing so far has worked out.
EMLewis: Right.
totes_tasha: so why don’t we try something different? it’s just for the semester.
totes_tasha: don’t know about you, but i can’t stand being so frakking lonely.
EMLewis: :hugs: It’ll be OK.
totes_tasha: i know, because i’m going to figure how to blend in. if you help me.
EMLewis: All right. I’m in.
EMLewis: After all, how much worse can this get?
totes_tasha: haha, good point.
EMLewis: I’ll email you some material tonight.
totes_tasha: and tomorrow u go shopping w/ morgan?
EMLewis: Sigh. If I have to.
totes_tasha: awesome.
totes_tasha: this’ll work, i can tell.
totes_tasha: laters!!
EMLewis: x
13
When I find Emily’s first switch survival guide in my inbox the next morning, I decide to start with Natasha version 2.0 right away. She’s linked to items in some preppy stores here and the instruction Watch everyone carefully! Also, I’ve been ordered to join a group of some kind as a way of becoming part of a crowd. Let me think, do I want to be a stuck-up hack running for student government or a stuck-up sports girl running for real?
Chill, I remind myself. Just because Portia and her crew are complete jackasses, it doesn’t mean everyone else here is. I’d found Holly, right? So there must be some sane people hanging out in the library or dorms. I get up and out of the Raleigh campus with new determination, reading lists taking a backseat for the first time since I arrived. The day is crisp and clear, with a blue sky that reminds me of home — if it weren’t for the mittens and scarf I’m wearing — and as I walk down the main street into the center of the city, I make sure to look around and make mental notes of the girls here.
Like in any town, they don’t look all the same, but by the time I reach the first store on my list, I can notice a definite trend for messy pinned ponytails, sculpted jackets, and blond hair. Only, instead of the serious California blond I’m used to, this is kind of honey-toned and fake-natural looking. In fact, fake-natural seems to be the theme: from the way their hair seems to be falling out of a style (like they’re saying, “Oh, yes, I’ve been too busy reading Sartre in the original French to bother with such superficial things”) to the neutral makeup in caramel and pale flushed tones that’s still flawless.