Grace knocked. There was a pause, and then the door swung open.
“Grace?” Theo gaped at her.
Grace felt a pang. He looked exactly how she’d been remembering him: glasses, a college sweatshirt, and striped pajama bottoms; chestnut hair sticking up in unruly tufts.
“What . . . ? How . . . ? I mean, hi.” He finally recovered, standing back from the door. “Sorry, come in. I’m just . . . surprised to see you.”
“Me too.” Grace followed him into the small single room, her heart racing. It was earnestly neat: no posters or clutter, just a stacked bookcase, some ficus, and a framed Rothko print. Theo swiftly kicked some laundry under the bed and straightened his duvet.
“So, hey,” he said again, loitering awkwardly in the middle of the room. “How are you? Is everything OK?” His eyes widened with sudden concern.
“Yes!” Grace said quickly. “Everyone’s fine. No emergency, I promise.”
“Oh.” He exhaled. “Good.”
There was silence.
This was it, Grace told herself. Time to rip the Band-Aid. Just a few short words, and she’d be done. Hell, she could even turn and run right after if she wanted.
“I, umm, heard about Rex,” she said instead, drifting closer to the desk. “And Lucy.”
“You did?” Theo seemed to brighten, or maybe that was just Grace’s imagination. “It was all pretty sudden. I’ve been on the phone all day with everyone. Portia’s in meltdown.”
“What happened?” Grace perched on the desk chair, swiveling back and forth. “I mean, really.”
Theo sank onto the edge of the bed. “Honestly, I don’t even know half of it yet. Portia fired Lucy a couple of days ago, and I guess her visa was running out. She needed a way to stay, and Rex was up there visiting Portia . . .” He trailed off.
“That part, I don’t get.” Grace paused. “I mean, isn’t he . . . ?”
“Gay? Yup.” Theo looked about as baffled as she felt. “But he’s run through all his money; our parents cut him off. The only way we can get our trust funds early is if we’re married. So, the next thing anyone knows, they’re in Vegas.”
“I’m sorry,” Grace murmured. “You must feel awful.”
“Why?” Theo stared.
“Because of Lucy, leaving you like that.”
Theo looked shocked, but Grace added quickly, “It’s OK, she told me everything, about you guys falling in love, and keeping it secret, and —”
“Love?” Theo interrupted. “No, wait, you’ve got it all wrong.”
Grace stopped. “I have?” She couldn’t help the hopeful note that crept into her voice. “You mean . . . you weren’t seeing her?”
Theo flushed. “I . . . well, yes. But not like that,” he added quickly. “We were never serious.”
“Oh.” Grace didn’t know if that was worse; that Theo had just been hooking up with Lucy, and it didn’t mean anything to him. Her feelings must have shown, because he sighed, frustrated.
“I’m not explaining this right.” Theo took a breath. “The truth is, I met Lucy in the Hamptons over summer, and we, well, we dated.” He looked away at that last part. “It got too serious, way too fast,” Theo continued, “and I realized that we weren’t right for each other, but by then . . .” Theo’s voice was heavy with regret. “I didn’t want to be one of those guys that just cuts and runs, you know?”
Grace nodded. Of course he didn’t; Theo couldn’t have been further from the type.
“So I tried to let her down gently,” he continued, “but she wouldn’t take the hint. When summer ended, I figured, that was it. She kept calling and e-mailing, and I kept blowing her off, but I didn’t even know she was talking to you until we all met in New York.” Theo looked at her earnestly. “I’m sorry. I know what you must have thought of me.”
“Why?” Grace said simply. “You didn’t owe me anything.”
It was true, he didn’t. Grace could have so easily hooked up with Harry that night at the party, or started dating someone else herself. As much as it had pained Grace to think of him with Lucy, Theo didn’t belong to her — they’d said nothing at all.
“And then, your necklace . . .” Theo continued, awkward. “I thought I’d just misplaced it, but then I saw her wearing it at Christmas, and I realized . . . I didn’t give it to her,” he swore. “I would never do that. I only kept it because . . .”
He stopped.
Because what? But before Grace could find the words to ask, Theo leaped up.
“I got you something,” he said, crossing to the desk. Grace stepped back, out of his way, as he opened a drawer and pulled out a gift box. “For your birthday.” He gave her a rueful smile. “I can’t believe I didn’t even say anything yet. It should have been the first thing.”
Theo held it out, awkward.
“Thank you,” Grace said, slowly taking it.
“I know it’s not wrapped, or anything. I was going to drive down, to visit, and give it to you in person.” Theo bit his lip. “But then, Lucy and Rex happened, and everyone needed to talk, and —”
“I get it.” Grace laughed. “I mean, it’s a good thing you didn’t. Otherwise, I’d be here, and you’d be there, and . . . well. You know.”
She opened the lid. “Theo!” Grace looked up at him in delight. “Where did you even get this?”
He looked bashful all over again. “I had it made. Is that OK? I know it was your idea, but I just thought . . .”
“Are you kidding?” Grace lifted out the necklace, the gold pendant dangling. A central atom, and then electrons circling it like the rings on a planet: the chemical equation for silver. “I can’t believe you did this for me!” She reached to fasten it around her neck, lifting her hair aside.
“Here.” Theo took it and fastened the clasp, his fingers brushing against her skin.
Grace turned back around, and found Theo looking at her.
“It looks great on you,” he said quietly.
“Thanks.” Grace toyed with the pendant, suddenly self-conscious. “It’s perfect.”
“Good.”
Grace fell silent. Theo was close now, standing just inches away. Neither of them moved. She caught her breath. This was it, this had to be it. She couldn’t wait anymore, she couldn’t keep hiding, not when the only thing she had left to lose was the possibility of this becoming real. But it wouldn’t, not until she found the courage to say what she’d been feeling all this time. To own her emotions, whatever they were.