Breathe.
I clutch a cushion, trying not to soar away on this new, sweet wind of hope. So he just broke up with Beth and is vulnerable and confused, and maybe looking for some kind of rebound girl to make himself feel better. But as soon as the argument comes, I have to dismiss it. Because it’s not a rebound if I’ve been his soul mate all along.
What if he’s finally realized that his perfect girl has been right in front of him all this time? The end of the school year, the prospect of a summer without me . . . It’s all made him realize what we have together, what we could have together!
I feel a thrill. I’ve stayed quiet all this time because I didn’t know for sure how he felt. I mean, who wants to be the one jeopardizing an amazing friendship over mixed signals and wishful thinking? And what if I declared my love and got nothing but a blank look in return — or worse still, awkward embarrassment? No way. I wasn’t going to risk everything on my own, but if Garrett has realized that he’s in love with me . . . I can let him know I feel the same way!
This is it, everything I’ve been waiting for! I, Sadie Elisabeth Allen, am going to confess my love.
4
The fateful day has dawned! Well, set, I guess, since it’s after sundown now. But either way, tonight will go down in history: the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life. Garrett and me. Me and Garrett . . .
I check the time quickly, then sneak away for a quick touch-up. Obviously, he’s in love with my shining inner self, but that doesn’t mean I want lip gloss smeared on my cheek when he leans in for that perfect first kiss.
Miraculously, there’s no one in line for the bathroom. I close the door against the party noise and sink back against it, just imagining how it’ll feel to finally have Garrett’s lips on mine. I’ve spent countless nights — and days, and third-period chem labs — lost in daydreams about this very moment. The look of wonder and appreciation in his eyes . . . The soft touch of his fingers against my cheek as he reaches to push back a stray lock of my hair . . .
Wait. I turn to the mirror and quickly muss up my ponytail, so that a few tendrils hang down. There. Perfect.
My stomach is still fluttering, so I run some cold water over my wrists, wondering if Garrett is as nervous and excited as me right now. I brighten at that thought, suddenly realizing how funny this whole situation is. I’m panicked here; he’s probably freaking out over on the other side of the house. . . . We’ll laugh about it one day, living in our cool loft apartment in the city, hosting elegant soirees for all our sophisticated friends. “We wasted so much time,” Garrett will tell them, looking at me lovingly across the dinner table. “But it all worked out in the end.”
I give my hair a final check for “kiss me, darling” style and perfect my “I never knew, but of course I feel the same!” look, then swing open the bathroom door.
“Watch it!”
I barrel straight into a girl just outside the door.
“Sorry!” I look up to find Beth Chambers lounging with a group of her little drama club minions, looking irritatingly effortless in her simple white T-shirt and jeans. “Um, hi, Beth.”
“Sadie.” The word couldn’t be less welcoming if she tried. Her gaze drifts over my head, which is a pretty impressive feat considering I’m two inches taller than her. But then Beth always has icy detachment nailed.
“What’s up?” I try, aiming for upbeat. Just because Beth always sneers at me doesn’t mean I can’t be the bigger person here. “I heard you got into UCLA. Congratulations.”
She smirks. “Let me guess, you’re happy I’ll be all the way on the other side of the country, far away from Garrett?”
“Actually —”
She doesn’t let me finish, leaning in close. “You think I didn’t know what you were up to, trying to get between us all along?”
“Beth.” I blink and take a step back. “I swear, I never did anything.”
She snorts. “Of course not, and you never will. You’ll just keep making puppy-dog eyes at him, hoping he’ll notice you. It’s pathetic, the way you’ve been trailing after him for years.”
I flush. “That’s not true.”
Beth looks smug. “It’s never going to happen, you know. He likes having you around because it makes him feel, I don’t know, important or something. Like you’re his own personal groupie. But you’re deluded if you think you’ll ever be anything more.”
On that parting shot, she flounces into the bathroom. For some reason, her minions follow. I guess real stars never pee solo.
I stand there a moment, shaken. She’s wrong, of course — there’s nothing groupie-like about our friendship. Beth is just jealous that Garrett sees me as an equal, a partner. But still, the fact that my crush was so transparent to her, that she’s been laughing about it all this time . . .
It doesn’t matter now. Garrett is practically broadcasting “I want to be more than friends!” on a neon display board, and nothing Beth can say will ruin this momentous night.
I pull myself together and head back into the party. It’s louder now, at that point where even the cooler-than-thou popular kids are cutting loose because they can pretend they’re drunk, and the knot of grinding girls has expanded so the whole living room is filled with dancing bodies.
“Hey.” Garrett is back on our couch, waiting for me. He holds out a cup. “As ordered.”
“I think it was more a friendly request,” I reply, heart racing.
He laughs. “Sure, next thing you’ll have me fanning you with a palm frond and feeding you grapes.”
“Palms are kind of hard to come by in Massachusetts.” I sit back beside him on the couch, painfully aware of his body next to mine. “I’d settle for pine boughs.”
There’s a pause in our conversation, though the party is still loud around us, but suddenly, just the simple act of looking over at him feels like an epic challenge. I brace myself and slowly slide my eyes up to his face. Garrett is staring back at me, with that same new look in his eyes. Softer, more intimate. I’ve seen flashes of it before, in the way he looked at Beth, or Julie, or any one of his serial crushes, but it’s never been directed at me.
My heart races faster.
“Listen, Sadie, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about. . . .” Garrett pauses, then gives an awkward cough.
“Yes?” I lean closer. The seconds stretch. He takes a breath, opens his mouth, and then —