Restless images flashed in downward scrolls like an old film before my eyes—the movie jagged, cut, stuck together—an incomprehensible storyline. The colour was gone, leaving only greyed hues through an unfocused lens.
Faceless strangers stared as I passed each row of seats, and I held my bouquet closer to my heart, protecting what was within. They could see the red rose, sitting in contrast to the white flowers surrounding it—the only colour in this grey little world. I could feel their curiosity, heard their whispers, but no one would understand, so I held my head high and walked on, each step taking a lifetime, as if I was being slowed by a force unseen.
I could see the man at the end, where the light touched the lip of the steps; standing tall, proud, confident. He was waiting there—for me—hands behind his back, eyes watching, face shadowed by the darkness of this never ending walk.
The light around him faded more for each step I took, so too did the dull, lifeless toll of church bells, ringing somewhere out there in the world beyond my future.
As I finally reached his side, my red blossom wilted, tar seeping up its veins, soaking away the colour around the shrinking petals until, finally, they fell like black snow toward my ruby slippers. David and I held our breath, watching them leave their life behind, decaying into ash around our feet.
“See, you don’t need it anymore,” he said.
“Don’t need what?”
He nodded toward the ash. “Life.”
I looked up into his proud eyes and held my breath. It was time. It had to be now or never. “You’re wrong, David,” I said, placing the remains of the pale bouquet in his hand. “That’s not what it means.”
“What does it mean, then?”
I slowly drew a breath, hesitating on the preface of his destruction. “That I don’t need you anymore.”
His eyes brimmed with liquid, making the green appear as colour among the greys.
“I have to go,” I said in a whisper.
“Where are you going?”
I reached behind me and took the firm, strong hand that grabbed mine. “To live.”
He seemed to own no comprehension at first, but as my mind woke a little with the feel of his cool arms coming away from my body where I hadn’t felt them before, I saw his eyes switch from realisation to deep sadness. He nodded, taking slow steps backward; his elbows, his arms, his waist, tapering into the darkness until, finally, the shadows consumed him.
“I’m sorry, David,” I said, waiting, knowing what would come next. A lifetime seemed to pass before the ground quivered beneath my feet, the ashes around my ruby slippers rising into the air, floating like dust particles in a smoky cloud. And inch-by-inch, the ground crumbled toward me, narrowing in my little world. I felt for Mike’s hand, turning to look back at the emptiness of my own faults. But he was gone. The only thing out there was Fate; I could hear Her laughing, could feel Her eyes on me, watching on as the ground came away completely, empty air wrapping my form, dragging me down in an eternal fall toward the darkness of mortality.
“David.” My whispered cry became an echo as the timespan of forever spread out around me. “I’m sorry.”
Gasping, I jolted awake, grabbing the edges of my blanket.
David?
I looked behind me, under me, beside me—he was gone.
No. Oh, God, he saw it—the whole thing. I covered my mouth with both hands and closed my eyes tight as I remembered the dream. “What have I done?”
The clock in the hall ticked loudly, each second timing the beat of my heart and bringing the rise of realisation a little closer to the surface; Fate decided.
Mortality.
Death.
Life.
Mike.
But that didn’t mean I agreed.
Exhaustion made me flop back down on my pillow, and as my hand fell beside my face, something cool and smooth touched my fingertips, filling my senses with the floral perfume of roses.
“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Mike leaned against the doorframe with a tray in his hands.
Sound suddenly came rushing back to my ears. “Morning? How long was I out for?”
“All night.” He shrugged and walked into my room. “You cried for a long time at first, then you went quiet. I came to check on you, but you were asleep.” He set the tray down on the bed beside my legs, bringing the smell of toast in behind him. “Still your favourite flower?” He nodded toward the rose.
“You left this?” I picked it up, being careful of the thorns on the stem.
“Who else?”
“Well, thank you.” I sniffed its sweet, soft scent, fading as the autumn destroyed everything that was once beautiful in the summer. “You have no idea what this means to me.”
“Are you okay?” Mike sat beside me, moving the tray onto my lap.
“Not really. I just can’t believe it, Mike. All this time, I thought I was wrong. I thought I misread everything between us.” I put the rose down. “I need to know—is this how you really feel, or is it guilt?”
Mike grinned and looked down, rubbing the back of his neck. “Will it matter? You love David.”
I frowned at him.
“I heard you talking in your sleep,” he said sheepishly.
“Really?” Was there no privacy in this world?
“Okay. I’m just gonna throw it out there and you can do with it what you want.” He turned his body to face me then took both of my hands. “I am in love with you, Ara-Rose. You were never wrong about that. You never misread anything, okay? I love you.” He squeezed my hands on each of his end words. “I’m a complete moron, and I’m so bloody sorry for that. But I loved you before your mum died, so I’m pretty damn sure it’s not guilt, baby.”
“I...” His words soaked through me. “I can’t respond yet, Mike. I need to think.”
“I know.” He nodded. “So, for now, I’ve arranged with your dad for you to have a few days off school—give you some time to clear your head.” He winked at me and smiled, but it faded quickly, leaving the serious Mike behind again. “Your dad loves you, you know. He was worried about you last night.”
“What did you tell him—about why I was crying?”
“Everything.”
“Everything?”
“Yeah, I told him everything.”
“You what!” I jolted forward, nearly sending the breakfast tray flying. “Mike, how could you?”
“Ara.” He pulled my hand away from my mouth. “I know you didn’t want him to know what happened the night your mum died, but he’s your dad and he loves you—no matter what.”