They were right. David was probably showing interest in me as a joke or a bet he made with a friend. I was stupid to think he hadn't noticed my scars.
I touched my jaw, my fingertips shaking, and as my desperate urge to go to the bathroom faded, a longing to go home came in its place, stepping aside for the rolling in my stomach; I lopped a hand across my gut and ran for the toilet.
Even as I rinsed my face and washed my mouth out, the voice of that girl played in my head: “Out of her league; A week before he loses interest.”
Somehow, the idea that David would be grossed-out by me had taken over my fear of being new.
In the mirror, my face looked pale and washed-out, which made the scars look red and menacing, worse than they did this morning. I leaned closer and poked about my face, moving my skin to get a good look at them; tiny little dots covering one side of my neck and along my jaw, like a fine sprinkling of nuts on a sundae. The weird thing was, I hardly ever noticed them; it was like my mind subconsciously blacked them out. But I knew they were there, and I knew everyone else could see them. Including David.
The real world sucked so much more than my mum said it would.
I splashed another handful of water over my face and grabbed a few sheets of paper towel, pausing when the door opened, but no one came in.
“Ara?”
I froze, instantly recognising David's voice. “Uh, yeah?”
“Are you...are you okay?”
I laughed. He probably thought I fell in. “Um. I’ll be out in a sec.”
“Ara?” he said, his tone a little flat. “Answer me, or I’m coming in. Are you okay?”
“I...I’m good.” But I wasn’t, and the mirror too clearly reflected the sadness in my eyes. The mask I’d become so good at holding in place hadn’t slipped, but cracked completely, and the self-pity I’d battled so hard against suddenly won the war. But I took a deep breath and looked my reflection square in the eye. “Every ache is step toward redemption,” I told myself. I still didn’t believe it, though. Nothing could undo what had been done and I knew, eventually, David would find out, and he’d hate me too.
But not today.
I straightened my shoulders. Not yet. I just wanted a little more time with him. Give me that, I said to myself, hoping it’d reach some magic fairy godmother. Just him. Just for today. And I’ll never ask for anything else, ever again.
The summer sun streamed into the corridor, and as I stepped into the light, drew a deep breath and looked sadly at the boy leaning over the railing on the other side. The shadows highlighted the contours of his shoulder blades and the arch of his spine. If I knew him better, I could slowly trace my finger down his back, feeling how solid and real he was under my touch. Except, right now, I wanted nothing more than to run over and tell him everything those girls just said. Only problem was that, in the real world, he wouldn't care if my feelings were hurt; he’d probably just freak out and dust me off like a cobweb.
He turned around and smiled at me with those kind, warm eyes, and the pain I just forced down rose to the surface again. I flattened the front of my dress, blinking rapidly until, as the tears receded, David’s arm landed around my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“Mm-hm.” I nodded.
He stood back up slowly, his jaw stiff, and looked at the two girls from the bathroom—now whispering to each other by an open locker in the corner. “You’re not okay. I can tell.”
“Perils of being new.” I flashed a grin.
“Or perils of gossip,” he said, checking over his shoulder before looking back at me. “Do you mind if I teach those girls a lesson?”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“Just go with it, okay?” he whispered in my ear, so close that his breath tickled my cheek. “Are they watching?”
I cast my eyes to them; they stared on with arched brows, lips curled in disgust. “Yeah. They’re watching.”
“You ready?”
“Ready for what?”
“This.” He gently wrapped his fingers around my arms and walked me backward, past our bags and the stack of books, until my spine pressed against the cold wall.
“What are you doing, David?”
“Giving them something to talk about.” He propped his forearm on the wall, bending at the knees, hiding us behind his shoulder as his face came in line with mine. And my eyes stayed on him, locked to his every move, trying to predict his next. But even though he moved his hand slowly to my face, my heart still skipped when his thumb touched my cheek, gently sliding down, then across my bottom lip. I could taste something sweet on his skin, and I wanted so badly to make a joke, wanted to run or hide, or close my eyes and breathe him in. In fact, I thought I was holding my breath, but as his lips hovered in front of mine, the warmth he exhaled went into my lungs. But he didn't kiss me. He just smiled into me, speaking with his eyes. I knew what he was doing, and he knew, if he had any sense at all, he knew what this closeness was doing to me. I swallowed, my mouth watering.
But the good feeling slinked away as the two girls walked off in a huff, flipping their hair. I looked up at David, who smiled in a way that made me feel I belonged here. “Why did you do that?”
“Do what?” He leaned a little closer; I stopped him with a hand to his firm, cool chest.
“You—you made them think we were kissing.”
“Yes.”
“But, don’t you get it? They’ll spread this around to everyone—tell the whole school you were kissing me!” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Precisely.”
“But—” Against everything inside me, I pressed my hand more firmly to his chest and shoved him away, then rolled out from the wall and flung myself across the corridor.
“What does it matter if they tell everyone?” He slowly turned around, holding his arms out wide.
I looked into the sunny courtyard below, leaning my elbows over the cold, metal bar. “Well, do you want people thinking you like me?”
“Ara.” He appeared beside me, and as he wrapped his fingers over the railing, our elbows touched. “What would be so wrong about liking you?”
I shook my head, refusing to point out the obvious.
“You’re a very sweet girl. And you don't deserve to be the entity of other people’s cruelty. I would rather they told the whole school I was kissing you in the corridor than to have them talk about you like that.” He pointed back to the bathroom.