And it was that that made me get to my feet and straighten my spine. “You're right, Jake. I'll go tonight,” I said with a determination that I had been missing for a while now.
Jake grinned and pulled me into a hug. I tried not to push him away. But he seemed to be doing the touching thing a lot lately. I should probably put him in his place. Remind him that I was not interested in him like that. But it felt nice to be held. However briefly. So I let him. For a few seconds at least. Then I felt the weirdness and pulled away.
Feeling a little bit better, I took Rachel and Daniel their food and drinks. Daniel didn't waste a moment before attacking the plate of diabetes I gave him. Rachel bit into her sandwich and looked at me with her all seeing eyes.
“Well, things are looking awfully friendly in here,” she remarked and I wanted to snap at her to drop it. Rachel and Daniel had mentioned, on more than one occasion mind you, that Jake was interested in me. You'd have to be blind not to know that. They never pushed it, knowing I haven't been ready. But I knew they held onto the silent hope that I would snap out of my Clay funk and give Daniel's friend a chance. Rachel had serious double dating fantasies (something she probably wouldn't have convinced Daniel to participate in if it were Clay I was with). I was really sick of dodging this bullet. But for once I didn't smack down her verbal query. I just shrugged my shoulders and sat back in the chair, watching in disgusted awe as Daniel finished off the last of his food.
I saw the considerable effort it took for Rachel to suppress her obvious glee. She knew my lack of a hateful response was in its own way a small victory. And I let her have it. For now.
“I don't know whether to be completely impressed or ready to throw up,” I whispered dramatically, as I put Daniel's now empty plate on the tray. Rachel shook her head and shot Danny a loving smile. The softness of her expression reminded me so much of the way I used to look at...
I jumped to my feet. There had been enough reminiscing for one day. “So, I think I'm going to head over to Ray's this evening,” I announced louder than I meant to. Daniel and Rachel stopped making goo-goo eyes at each other and looked at me in surprise. Well, surprise was an understatement. They were staring at me as though I suggested hitchhiking to California. And that just reinforced how out of touch I had become with my own life.
“You are? Really?” Rachel squeaked and I set my mouth in a grim line.
“That's awesome. You need a ride?” Daniel asked, grinning at me. I shook my head.
“Nah. I'll drive myself. That way if you want to leave early, or stay later than me, it won't be a problem. What time should I head over?” I asked, ignoring the giddy expressions on my friends' faces.
“Uh, eight? But what made you decide to come?” Rachel asked me.
“I convinced her to grace us with her presence for the evening,” Jake piped in, appearing by my side and taking the tray from my hands. I clenched my hands into fists and willed myself not to say something hateful. He really was all up in my business today.
Rachel's eyes flashed at me and I could see the wheels turning. I glared at her in warning. She wisely stayed quiet. “Well, thanks for the intervention. She needs to do more than work and go to the grocery store. She currently has the social life of a nursing home resident and even they play Bingo,” Daniel said.
I threw my hands up in frustration. “You guys act like I've been sitting in a darkened room every night. Give it a rest, will you,” I snapped. Rachel seemed contrite, while Daniel, damn him, just laughed at my ire.
“Not far from the mark there, Mags,” he mused and I shut up. Because he was right.
“Okay, well, I'll see you later,” I said, giving up on the conversation. I left Jake to continue talking with Rachel and Daniel and headed back toward the counter. There was a line and Jennifer, the other girl working, looked flustered.
I hurried to help her and got lost in the chaos for a while. I found that being busy really helped keep my mind free and clear of the dark thoughts that I tended to gravitate towards. And I realized I was looking forward to going out tonight. Being around friends. I was finally ready to take a step in the right direction and get things back on track.
“Maggie.” I looked up at the voice and froze. And just like that I wanted to run in the back and hide. Not because I didn't want to see the person that said my name, but because those dark thoughts that I had kept at bay all afternoon, came rushing back.
“Hi, Lisa. How are you?” I asked, trying to sound happy to see her. And on some level I was. I really liked Lisa. She and Ruby, Clay's aunt, were two of the most loving people I had ever met. And I would always appreciate the way she had supported me during one of the bleakest times of my life.
But seeing her made me invariably think of him. And given the yo-yo of emotions that unfurled inside me, I knew that wasn’t a particularly good thing.
Lisa's mouth raised in a hesitant smile. As though she wasn't entirely sure of the reception I'd give her. I hadn't seen Lisa or Ruby since right after the incident. In a small town like Davidson, it was actually surprising that we hadn't crossed paths. But we hadn't. Until now. Until I was finally feeling ready to move on with my life and get it together. It was like fate or something.
Fate was a f**king bitch.
I felt bad for seeing Lisa's wariness. So I came from around the counter and gave her a hug. The much taller woman squeezed tight before letting me go. “You look great,” she said kindly. I cleared my throat uncomfortably. Yeah, I'm sure I looked a hell of a lot better than the last time she saw me. I had been a complete wreck. So I was sure anything had to be better than that.
“Thanks. How's Ruby?” I asked, realizing that I missed Clay's wacky aunt. I missed her store. I had made it a point to stay away from my favorite shop, knowing it would be too painful to go inside.
Lisa's face softened at the mention of her girlfriend. I had always loved the natural and beautiful affection between her and Ruby. It was something I had aspired to have in my own life. And at one time, I thought I had it.
“She's Ruby. Wonderful as always. Still trying to force herbal tea down my throat on a daily basis.” We both laughed. Ruby was formidable when it came to forcing herbal concoctions down your throat.
“She'd love to see you,” Lisa said softly. I looked away, not sure how to answer. I'd love to see her too. But it was too soon.
“Yeah,” was all I said, feeling the need to end the conversation and get my ass out of there. But then, as if by compulsion I spit out, “How's Clay?”