Jordan's jaw set and I knew he could see how pissed I was. “Liv called me yesterday afternoon. She was kind of a mess. She was begging to talk to me. Jesus, Mays, I was with her for a long time. Even if we're not together anymore, that doesn't mean I don't care if she's hurting. I'm not that kind of guy. She asked if it was alright if she came to see us play. I said sure because I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I was going home with you. That's what was important.” His face was drawn and I could see how tired he was. It was obvious he hadn't gotten any sleep last night. Probably because he had been camped outside my apartment for most of it.
“But you told her to meet you at Garrett's,” I said, feeling the hurt all over again. Jordan scrubbed his hands over his face in agitation.
“Christ. I never told her to meet me anywhere! It's not like Garret's parties are a secret. Half the f**king county knows about them. And yeah, I knew she had some things to say to me. And why wouldn't I let her? I haven't given her much of a chance to say her piece since we broke up. To be honest, I've been a bit of a dick to her about all of it because my entire focus has been on being with you, Mays.” Okay, way to make me feel guilty.
Jordan rubbed the skin between his eyebrows as though he were getting a headache. “So maybe I should have taken the time to think about how you would feel when I said she could come to the show. But I wasn't really thinking about Olivia. All I could think about was you and knowing that in a few short hours I would get to see you again. What Olivia had to say was of little importance to me. Yeah, I feel like shit that she's hurting. I wish I had handled things differently. But that doesn't change the fact that I was spending my night with you and only you. And I can't feel bad about wanting this the way I do. So, why can't that be enough?” he asked angrily.
Was he that stupid that he didn't see that Olivia wasn't ready to let him go? That there was no way in hell she would just sit back and let us have our happily ever after? Sure, he was being a nice guy but it didn't change the fact that he hadn't had the decency to let me know his ex would be at his show. That was not cool.
“You should have told me she was coming. I was a little blindsided.” I said, looking away from him. Jordan was quiet for a moment and then his fingers were on my chin, pulling my face back around to look at him.
“You're right, Mays. I should have told you. That was supremely uncool. But like I said, I wasn't thinking about Olivia at all last evening. I was only thinking about showing everyone my girl and how freaking good that felt. How good I was going to make you feel.”
I gulped, feeling the heat rise in my face. His words had come out like a seductive growl. Yeah, that's all I had been thinking about too...until I heard that stupid f**king song. “What about that song? The one you wrote for Olivia?” Who was this whiny chick with my voice? It couldn't be Maysie Ardin asking such a silly question in the most pathetic way possible. Why did I have let that song bother me? It shouldn't bother me. It had been written before Jordan and I even knew each other. But it made me feel incredibly small.
Jordan rubbed his forehead again. “What song, Mays?”
“You know what I'm talking about! That damn Lost in You song! I know you wrote it for her. She was bragging about it in the bathroom.” Jordan barked out a humorless laugh.
“I wrote that song almost three years ago. And yes, it was about Olivia. At one time. But now, it's just another f**king song. It doesn't mean anything.” If only that were true. I moved away from the wall and went into the kitchen to make myself coffee. I needed caffeine fortification immediately.
I knew Jordan followed me because I could feel the heat of his body as he crowded into my personal space. “Maysie. Seriously, you can't get pissed off about a song I wrote years before I knew you. It's a fan favorite, so we play it at our shows. I really don't get what the big deal is.” He sounded lost and that just irritated me more.
I dumped coffee grounds into the machine and turned it on. I braced my hands on the counter, not turning to face him as I unloaded my juvenile insecurities. But I needed to say the words or I would choke on them.
“That song, Jordan, was beautiful. Those words, I could see how in love you were with her when you wrote them. It just made me feel like there was no way I could ever compete with those feelings. I mean, what chance do you and I have when you had that with her?” Jordan gripped my shoulders and turned me to face him. His face had relaxed and his eyes had gone tender. He reached out and ran his fingers down my cheek.
“Baby, I'm sorry you feel that way, but you are so freaking deluded.” I started to get angry again when he gripped the back of my neck and tugged me forward. His eyes were intense as he stared down at me. “Yes, I loved Olivia. Yes, I meant those words when I wrote them. But I was nineteen years old. She was my first serious girlfriend. I was an immature college freshman getting my first regular piece of ass so I thought she was it.” My throat seized.
Jordan kissed my nose softly. “But that was a lifetime ago. And I've grown up a lot since then. I'm not saying that I didn't feel strongly for Liv, but stuff has seriously changed since then. And I've learned that the love I thought I felt was more of an infatuation with the idea of her. I told you before that things had been messed up between us for a while. I wasn't just talking out of my ass. It's the truth. She and I were not a functional couple. She is selfish and self-involved. If something didn't relate to her Chi Delta world, she didn't care about it. You know last night was the first time she had been to one of my shows in over a year? She couldn't give a shit about my music. It was more of an inconvenience for her and she was constantly trying to get me to leave the band. Now does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?” Wow, even I knew that music was an integral part of who Jordan was. I couldn't imagine him not playing. It was like telling someone to stop breathing.
Jordan kissed the corner of my mouth. “But you get it. In the four months I've known you, you see more of me than she ever did. For the first time I feel like I can be myself and let loose with someone. We connect on a level Olivia and I never did.” He placed his lips on mine in a gentle kiss that made my toes curl. “I feel like you were made just for me, Maysie Ardin. Everything about you makes me want you more. Even your jealous little snits have me wanting to haul you over my shoulder and take you back to your bedroom just to show you how much you mean to me.” Well crap.
“That's just lust. I mean yeah, we have a serious physical attraction, but...” Jordan's mouth cut me off and I forgot what I was saying. He kissed me roughly, just the way I liked it. After a few seconds he ripped his mouth from mine and he breathed heavily as he gripped the sides of my face with his hands.