He pulled me down a dark corridor, his body blocking my exit. Seeing him like this in the shadows, I again felt like such an idiot for not recognizing him sooner.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” he demanded, sounding hurt by my dismissal. The guy was a pro. He could play emotions like they were the real deal. Too bad I had no idea whether what he was showing me was sincere.
“What’s there to say?” I asked tiredly, trying to push my way past him. Maxx moved to the side, his hands still locked around my upper arms, our chests brushing against each other. Maxx was quite a bit taller than me. It would be so easy to wrap my arms around him and lean in, nestling my head underneath his chin.
My body remembered all too well how it felt to touch him. It yelled at me to stop being so stubborn and to give in. But I wouldn’t—not now that I knew the truth.
“I think we have a lot to say to each other. I want to spend more time with you, Aubrey. Please,” he pleaded, his voice low and coaxing. His voice was like a sedative. It would be so easy to fall for whatever line he gave me.
I shook my head and tried to take a step back, but Maxx held me firm, not letting me move. “Let me go, Maxx,” I said firmly, struggling against his grip.
“Why are you acting like this? I thought last Saturday meant something. It did to me,” he murmured, loosening his hands and then dropping them from my arms. His chin dropped, and damned if he couldn’t pull off heartbroken with the best of them.
I snorted, causing him to look up at me in surprise. I rolled my eyes and smirked, even as my heart thudded in my chest. “You’re good, I’ll give you that,” I bit out coldly.
Something in Maxx’s eyes shattered, then shut down, and he turned away as if he couldn’t bear to look at me. “Wow, that hurt,” he said quietly, pulling his beanie off and running a hand through his hair.
“If I thought anything you said was the truth, then maybe I’d believe that,” I retorted.
Maxx lifted his face, his brows knitted together. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, beginning to sound frustrated.
I rolled my eyes again and attempted to back away, but Maxx wasn’t having it. He grabbed hold of me again. “Stop moving away from me. I thought you and I had the beginnings of something. What changed? Is it because I left you at the movie theater? Because I get that was a dick move. I just had somewhere I needed to be . . .”
“Like Compulsion?” I asked, cutting him off. Maxx’s face instantly went blank.
He affected such a convincing neutral expression that if I hadn’t seen him with my own eyes at the club, I would have believed him to be innocent when he asked, “What are you talking about?”
I leaned in and dropped my voice to a whisper, even though we were completely alone in the darkened hallway. “I saw you there. After you left me standing outside the movies. You were at Compulsion, and you weren’t selling Girl Scout cookies,” I told him, raising my eyebrows, feeling my anger simmer to the surface again.
This time it was Maxx who took a step back. He let go of me as if I had burned him. He folded his hat into his pocket before burying his fingers into his hair and gripping his scalp. “I don’t understand what you’re saying,” he denied, though it was obvious my statement had him panicking.
What a pair we were—both denying everything even when faced with the truth.
I laughed humorlessly. “I was there, Maxx. I saw you selling those tiny little pills that people couldn’t get enough of. I also saw you take those same pills, and I know they weren’t Tylenol,” I accused, crossing my arms over my chest. “I followed you around for a while. I saw it all,” I admitted and watched as a multitude of expressions crossed Maxx’s face.
Surprise. Anger. Indignation. And then something seemed to break inside of him. He covered his face with his hands and sank down to the floor.
My mouth gaped open, and I didn’t quite know what to do. I was not expecting this reaction. I anticipated the denial, a witty comeback about how I was imagining things, or even an arrogant confession. Maybe I even expected an apology. But what I hadn’t counted on was Maxx falling apart.
I was horrified with myself that I had led him to this. Where had my sensitivity gone? Where was the woman who wanted to help people? And wasn’t Maxx, sitting there, looking lost, a person who needed my support?
I was acting like a scorned girlfriend instead of the counselor I was learning to be. Maxx’s addiction had a strong hold on him; that was obvious. But it wasn’t the using that bothered me, though that was bad enough.
It was the selling. Pushing that nasty stuff on other people. Sure, he wasn’t standing on a street corner selling drugs wrapped in bubblegum wrappers to schoolkids, but in my mind he was taking advantage of people at their most vulnerable, people like my sister.
That’s what made me sick.
But mostly, I was pissed because I had started to see the man he was underneath. And it was so much more, so much better than the guy who sold drugs to a bunch of strung-out college kids. I took a step toward him, then another, until I was standing over him. He wouldn’t look up at me. I didn’t know if it was because of shame or guilt, or that he just didn’t want me to see exactly what he was. But I already had.
I kneeled down in front of him. “You come into support group every week giving the same sob story. You need saving,” I said harshly, losing all filter over my thoughts, my emotions taking over. “Who are you trying to fool? Kristie? The other group members? Me?” I asked. “Or maybe yourself. Because you can’t like the person you see in the mirror. You can’t enjoy selling drugs to support a habit that will ultimately kill you. Wake up, Maxx!” I said, my voice rising.
Maxx’s head shot up. “You don’t know who I am, Aubrey! You have no f**king clue!” His face was flushed, and his eyes flashed. I had never seen Maxx so worked up, and it was intimidating.
But I wouldn’t back down. “Oh, stop it. So you think because you have it rough, that gives you the right to sell that shit? To take everyone down with you? You lie each and every time you come here! You’re not trying to get better! You’re not looking to get clean! Just be honest with yourself and everyone else,” I yelled.
Maxx leaned forward, getting within an inch of my face. “If that’s what you really think, if that’s who you believe I am, then why the hell are you still here?” he demanded, his face darkening.