Drew appears. “Patty!”
She ducks her head, looking innocent, and runs over to join the party happening in the living room. Drew and I are visible to about half the room, but people are politely pretending they can’t see us.
Drew takes my hand. “You’re freezing.” His brown eyes are full of so much sadness, I feel like running around in the cold rain with no jacket on was something I willfully did to hurt his feelings. As compared to, say, breaking up with him by text message.
“It’s raining out.”
“The flowers you sent are nice.” He grabs my other hand and warms them both between his palms. “I’m glad you’re here. I’d much rather have you than flowers.”
“Drew, I need to tell you something. I might have a problem or two. I think it comes from family stuff, surprise surprise, right? Those clothes I gave you, they were from my father.”
He turns to the side, so his body shields us from the people at his party. “I figured as much.”
“He left when I was too small to even remember him. To me, he was just this guy who sent us money for stuff. He wasn’t a deadbeat or anything, he just moved across the country and settled in with his new family, so he didn’t have time for us.”
“That’s awful.”
“I was never mad about it, though. I grew up with lots of aunts and uncles and plenty of love. I think I had a decent childhood, but…” I lick my lips and glance over Drew’s shoulder. “Is this some sort of wine tasting party?”
“It’s a book club. Would you like some wine?”
I wipe some of the rain from my face. “If you have a bottle open already.”
He nods for me to follow him, and we skirt along the edge of the living room, into a kitchen, where he grabs an open bottle of white wine, and two glasses. He keeps walking, leading me up a set of stairs and into a bedroom.
It’s a nice bedroom—huge, with a couch and a fireplace. He flicks on the gas fire and pulls me over to sit on the hearth with him.
The fire starts to warm me immediately, and the wine in my hand is a natural complement.
He reaches up to sweep damp strands of hair off my face. “You were saying? You had a decent childhood, but…?”
“I think that either my mother or my aunt gave me a bad attitude about guys. Or maybe it’s wrong to blame them. Maybe it was just society, or movies. I grew up watching all my mother’s favorite Patrick Swayze movies, and it’s hard for guys to live up to him.”
“A movie star made you send me that text message?”
I take a sip of the wine, warming up inside and out.
“No, that was all me. I take full responsibility for that.” I gaze up into his eyes. The look on his face is so hopeful and forgiving, it makes the sides of my neck ache. “I thought I was secure, because I can kick anyone’s ass, and I don’t usually care what people think of me. I thought that was being secure as a girl. But then, when it came to you, I was insecure. I think I pushed you away to test you.”
“That’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with you that isn’t wrong with every human being who’s worth being in a relationship with. I don’t know if I’d want to be with someone overconfident, who didn’t push me away a little.” He leans in close, until his lips are nearly touching mine, but stops short of kissing me. “Just don’t push me too hard, because I have feelings, too.”
The ache spreads up from my neck, into my eyes, stinging my nose.
I pull my head back, bumping the back of it lightly on the mantle of the fireplace. “Drew, I don’t want to push you away anymore. If this thing fails, I want to say I tried my best.”
“That’s all any of us can say.” He leans in and kisses me. Really kisses me. My head bumps against the mantle again, trapping me against his lips. My whole body softens, melting against him.
This is something.
His lips feel so right against mine.
His soul feels right, too.
My head is swirling, but I’m not dizzy. I’m perfectly clear.
Drew and I might be together forever, or we might come apart at the seams in another week. But if this thing fails, it won’t be entirely my fault.
I will try my best. I will stop testing him, and start testing myself. Can I let myself be vulnerable? How far can I go?
I want to try, and if I sometimes fail, I want to try again.
The fire is warm at my back, and Drew’s kisses take away my shivers.
We kiss for at least ten minutes, maybe longer, both of us still holding our wineglasses.
Neither of us spills a drop.
Chapter 24
Thanks to the fireplace, plus the heat coming off Drew, my clothes are dry by the time we finally take a break from kissing.
Music and laughter drift up the stairs from the party.
I glance over to the bedroom door, which is still open a crack. “Quite the event you have going on down there.”
“It was just going to be a small dinner, but Patty wanted to cheer me up, so she invited our whole book club.”
He picks up the wine bottle from the floor and offers me some more.
“Just a splash,” I say demurely. “I don’t drink very much.”
Drew raises his eyebrows.
“Fine, I’m a lush,” I admit. “Not the kind who drinks all the time, but the kind who thinks every drink tastes like another. I don’t have to start, but once I start, I’m not putting the cork back in.”
“Two people can share one bottle of wine. That’s reasonable.”
“I like the way you think.”
He refills his glass and looks at the door like he wishes all those people downstairs would leave.
After a few sips, I say, “We should probably go down there and be sociable.”
“My brother’s co-hosting. That’s who my roommate is. He bought this house with his fiancee, and when they split up before the wedding, I moved in to help cover the bills.”
I look around the room. “This is really nice. Vaulted ceilings. And is that a skylight?”
“I like to stare up at the stars when I go to bed. There’s a retractable shade that’s on a programmable switch, so it doesn’t get bright too early in the summer. I can actually control the shade from my phone. It’s pretty cool.”
I chuckle at his nerdiness over a programmable window shade. He’s so cute, and I never noticed the nerdiness until now. Layers. Drew’s got layers. I’m looking forward to unpeeling them.