She shakes her head. “You two have so much work to do.”
I hold my hands up. “Not me! I already lost my five pounds. I don’t have any real problems. I’m perfectly happy with how I am.”
“Me, too,” Drew says. “Who wouldn’t want to be me? I love being me.”
Feather holds up one hand to stop us. “I think that’s enough for tonight. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to round everyone up and see if we can’t help the people who aren’t already perfect.” She gives us each a scolding look that’s so effective and parental-feeling, that my confidence in her future child-rearing skills doubles.
Chapter 9
It’s late when I get back home from the meeting, but the lights are still on at Tina’s cottage in the back yard. The blinds are open, so she’s probably not having wild monkey sex with Luca at the moment. I park my mother’s Cadillac behind Tina’s car, in the alley.
The alley is lined with cars, because many of the homeowners in the neighborhood have rented out their basements or converted their garages into rentals. When I was a little kid, riding my bike up and down the alley, you’d never see cars parked back here. I guess things change, whether you want them to or not.
I knock on my sister’s door, which feels weird. I used to just walk right in, or use the spare key, but two weeks ago, I got an eyeful of their monkey sex by accident.
The passage of two weeks’ time hasn’t erased the visual from my brain. At least they didn’t know I saw them, because I closed the door and walked away, keeping the experience to myself.
But what a sight it was!
Luca broke his foot at the Baker Street Block Party earlier this month, and now it’s in a cast. He’s staying here with Tina, because apparently he keeps motorcycles parked on the main floor of his house, while the living quarters are upstairs. I think he could hobble up the stairs if he wanted to, but he likes staying with Tina for now. He probably doesn’t want her to get away from him again.
So, there he was with his foot in the cast, standing on one good leg, with Tina up against the wall like they were recreating a scene from the classic Patrick Swayze movie, Roadhouse.
For a second, I thought they were joking. I actually believed they’d heard the car pull up, and were only pretending to be having wall-sex, as some hilarious prank on me. That’s why I stood in the doorway for several seconds, smiling. I was thinking, Great job, guys! You’re nailing it!
Then one of them made a coitus moan, and I realized they were in actual coitus, not pretend-Roadhouse-joke coitus. I slowly backed away, and I haven’t walked through this door since then.
I knock again, just as the door opens.
Tina’s cheeks are flushed, but she is wearing clothes.
“Did I interrupt your coitus?”
She rolls her eyes. “Meenie, don’t say that word.”
“You and Rory and your word hang-ups.” I peer around her and see Luca sitting on the L-shaped couch, making the enormous thing look relatively small under his tall, muscular, motorcycle-riding, sister-banging, roast-beef-eating, handsome frame.
“Come in,” Luca says. “We’re just playing Scrabble.”
Tina giggles.
I walk in and join them in the living room, which is also the entire room. The couch we’re sitting on folds out into a bed, and the only other room is the bathroom.
I glance around at the extra things that must belong to Luca: laptop, manly jeans, manly boots, manly sweaters with chunky buttons.
“You guys could take over the big house if you want,” I tell them, offering a swap for the second or third time this month. “It’s just me and Muffin over there, and we can totally trade while you’re in that cast.”
Tina slips another pillow under Luca’s white cast, then tickles his toes affectionately. “We’re cozy,” she says.
“I see you have wine,” I say.
Tina jumps up and grabs a wineglass from the kitchen, then fills it for me. “You’re a good sister,” I tell her before taking a long sip.
“Ooh, this is my favorite kind,” I say of the wine.
“You like pinot grigio?” Luca asks while clearing the Scrabble board to start over with three players.
I grin at him. “My favorite kind of wine is free wine.”
Tina groans. “Luca, everyone in my family says that, at every single Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It’s so corny.”
He gives her a loving look, as if to say, Tina, I can’t wait to spend every family dinner with you and your family, even Meenie, who really isn’t as bad as everyone says she is.
Tina gives Luca a loving look, as if to say, Roadhouse me against the wall again, stud.
I sort through my Scrabble tiles, guzzle the rest of the wine, and pour myself a refill. “The service here is lacking,” I mutter. “No tip.”
Tina swats me on the arm.
We start playing the game, and two rounds in, Tina says, “What’s bugging you? Did your self-help group not go well tonight?”
I look into her concerned and pretty green eyes, then over at Luca’s equally concerned blue eyes. How is this going to work? Now that they’re together, is he the silent partner who hears about all my problems through Tina, whether he’s present or not? I’ve heard that’s how it works with couples, but haven’t had much experience.
“There’s a new guy at group,” I tell them. “He’s a total jackass. He’s rude and crude, and he dresses like a department store mannequin. He smells like—don’t take this the wrong way, Luca—but he smells like citrus and chocolate and balls.”
Luca glances around, like he’s wishing there was another room. “Why would I take that the wrong way?”
“No offense, Luca, but I need to be honest, and she was my sister before she became your squeeze toy. Tina, this guy Drew is a billion percent hotter than Luca. So, you can understand my problem.”
She looks at me sideways. “You like this guy? But he’s a jackass.”
“Exactly. I think I finally found someone who’s got enough balls to take a few jokes and put up with me. I think I would like him to put his sperm shooter inside me and pretend we’re making a baby.” I take another big glug of the pinot whateverio. “This free wine is pretty good for free wine.”
Luca looks confused, in the way that only a handsome man who grew up with no sisters can look confused. “He sounds… interesting. So, what’s the hold-up? Do you want me to call my friend to do a background check?”