Because I'd seen the blue chalk in the corner of Bell's mouth, I had no choice about which version of events to believe. Was this just the beginning of behavioral problems with Bell? Aside from her tantrums, she'd been so resilient, and had no problem keeping up with the school work. Now that we were finally in a stable situation and life was looking good for a change, now this?
I sunk into the couch with the phone at my ear, wishing the couch would just swallow me up so I didn't have to worry anymore.
Into a pause in the conversation, I muttered, “Life is shit.”
On the other end, Natalie made a strange sound, and after a moment I realized she was laughing.
“Aubrey, it's not the end of the world.”
“Oh. You're right.”
“Let's hang out tomorrow, just the two of us for some girl-time. Then you and Bell can join us again for dinner, and the girls can cement their friendship.”
“Won't they just resist?”
“We have to try. If Bell feels more comfortable, socially, it should calm her aggression.” Natalie giggled. “I feel like a zookeeper.”
“It's like we're putting the monkeys in a cage together for their own good.”
“Good analogy. Anyway, I'm excited about this. We loved having you last week, and Dave enjoyed having someone new to tell his tree-planting stories to.” She kept going, making plans without waiting for my agreement.
I thanked her and we arranged for her to come pick me up at the apartment at noon, so I could help her with some shopping. Then we'd pick up the kids together at three and have dinner at her place. She stressed the fact that I wasn't obligated to bring anything but my “lovely self.”
After I ended the call, it beeped with an incoming message from Sawyer.
Right. Sawyer.
I was already proving myself to be a bad girlfriend by making other plans for my day off.
Sawyer: There's a report on the news about some shocking indecency.
Me: Huh? Should I be worried?
Sawyer: Apparently some guy was at the same beach we were at and he was flashing his wang.
Me: Wang!
I giggled and stretched out on the couch, cradling the cell phone lovingly. Getting messages from him and imagining him saying the words was almost as much fun as hanging out with him in person.
Sawyer: So obviously we can't go back there tomorrow. How about we go terrorize people at the mall? We can go to Zellers and grope each other in the underwear section. I don't know about you, but seeing all those giant ladies' panties hanging on their plastic hangers gets me so hard.
I knew he was saying it for a laugh, but the idea of him getting hard, even as a joke, made me feel so giggly and turned-on. I reached a hand between my legs and pressed down where I felt swollen.
Me: I'm going to wear giant panties next time I see you. So big they come out of the top of my jeans.
Sawyer: It's difficult to text efficiently with only one hand.
I didn't even have time to reply, when he sent a series of messages.
Sawyer: Msdiryey pantiesss ekewn daladdfjjjl!!
Sawyer: Uhhhhh..almost..there..morepantiestalkplease.
Sawyer: I hope you know I'm just kidding.
Sawyer: I'm at the grocery store picking up some stuff for the house, and people are staring at me, wondering why I'm laughing my ass off in the magazine aisle.
Me: I wish I was there with you.
Sawyer: You could come meet me? Bring your daughter and we can do some serious double-household shopping.
Me: Another time.
Sawyer: They have Cheerios on sale. Those big boxes that don't fit in the cupboard, so you have to keep them on top of the fridge. Want me to get you some?
Me: I'm good.
Sawyer: I could bring them over tomorrow.
For a moment, I thought about making plans with Sawyer and then phoning Natalie to cancel. Then I remembered Bell's red eyes, and how important it was for her to have some stability. If we could have more play dates and she could feel comfortable in her friendship with Taylor, maybe it would help.
Eating chalk.
Good lord.
You have to laugh, or you'll cry.
I composed a message.
Me: Turns out I can't hang out tomorrow because I have a play date with another mother from Bell's school. We're meeting early in the day.
Sawyer: This means I won't get to see your giant panties? You are a tease.
I knew he was joking, but it still stung to be called a tease. Guys don't know how that comes across, even said jokingly.
We sent a few more messages back and forth, him being flirty and cute, and me trying hard not to embarrass myself too much.
I started making dinner, but kept getting distracted by his messages, so by the time the food was ready, Bell was cranky and giving me a hard time. You would think hunger would make the kid less fussy, but she seemed to become more picky whenever dinner was late.
She scowled at me and picked at the food with her fingers, trying to remove the miniscule dots of cracked pepper I'd accidentally put in. I'd been distracted by the messages on my phone and forgot she only liked the “tiny” pepper from the shaker, not the freshly-ground crunchy stuff from the grinder our grandparents gave us as in our apartment-warming gift basket.
“For heaven's sakes, it's just spice,” I said, exasperated. “It's not dirt or poison, so don't give me that look. If I wanted to feed you dirt, I'd disguise it better, and you'd never even know.”
I'd meant the comment as a joke, but her little eyes narrowed and she glared at me like I was the most rotten person on the whole planet.
She didn't know I'd just canceled a date with a hot, sexy guy so I could have a play date for her emotional well-being. Nope. To her, I was just the ass**le who put crunchy pepper chunks on her macaroni.
What an ass**le.
Chapter Nineteen
SAWYER JONES
Frustration.
Punch-a-hole-in-the-wall frustration.
Aubrey was so near, but so far away. I felt like I was dating someone who lived in another time zone, or on another planet.
She would text me, all the time, but if I tried to make plans to see her, there was always an excuse. She was either at work, or with her kid, or just plain unavailable. Sometimes I wanted to talk to her, but her cell phone battery would be dying. All the time.
I had to wonder if what she really wanted was a new cell phone with a Boyfriend App. Boyfriend App could send her interesting and informative messages throughout the day, and she could send back smiley faces in place of communicating.
I'd have my phone out all hours of the day, and Spanky made fun of me.
“Girls are like jobs,” he said. “If that one's only giving you part-time hours, maybe you should pick up a second one. Lemme know, I'll set you up.”