CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
NICOLA SAT BESIDE her sister’s hospital bed. So much had changed since the last time they’d done this terrible dance, and yet, Laila still hurtled toward death.
If we’re ever again in that situation, and I have a feeling we will be, I want you to let me go.
No, Nicola had said then.
Never, she said now.
Before, she had been without hope. Now, she was different. Stronger. Smarter. She knew there was a better way. But her sister didn’t, and changing her mind was what mattered right now.
Her precious Laila, she thought, tears beading in her eyes. There were tubes in her sister’s chest and arms. Her skin had already yellowed. She had slipped into a coma the doctors said she would never wake from. She was drugged but not without pain, her features pinched and her muscles tensed.
Every time Nicola repeated what she’d learned from Koldo, Laila’s vitals strengthened—but the moment she stopped talking, those vitals plummeted. Sleep had become Nicola’s enemy.
Zacharel had done what he could to keep Laila alive, but in the end, he’d needed help. So, he’d flown Laila to the hospital. He’d stationed two Sent Ones at Nicola’s sides, and they were now standing in the hallway, giving her some time with her sister. To say goodbye.
Where are you, Koldo?
He’d been missing for two days. Zacharel was out looking for him.
Zacharel, who had told her that Koldo had gone to procure more Water, just because Nicola had asked, and that he should have returned by the end of the first day. That wasn’t all he’d told her, of course. Even remembering the rest, Nicola shuddered.
Your man was whipped. Before that, he was commanded to give up something precious to him. His mind has to be a mess. I have asked our leader for the details, but they are not his to share.
So badly she had wanted to go back to those few minutes inside Zacharel’s cloud and stop Koldo from leaving. But that’s why he’d flashed without telling her where he was going. So that she couldn’t. He was doing this for her. Suffering for her.
I have to find him. Yet, she couldn’t leave her sister to...to... She just couldn’t leave her sister alone.
And what if Koldo had been asked to give up Nicola?
Her stomach twisted into a thousand little knots, and she had to swallow back a moan of grief.
“This is it for me, Co Co.”
Laila’s voice pierced the silence of the room, and Nicola jolted with shock. Clear gray eyes watched her, no hint of pain evident.
Inside her, hope and confusion collided with the shock, creating a heady mixture that left her dizzy. “You’re awake.”
“Just for a moment.” Chapped lips curved in a soft smile. “You have to let me go, my love. It’s time.”
No. Absolutely not! “I told you before. I can’t. I won’t.” Nicola vehemently shook her head. “You can beat this.”
A weak chuckle reverberated between them. “Always the strong one...as well as the sensitive one. I don’t want you looking back on this and blaming yourself. You did everything you could. I refused to listen. And I don’t want you afraid. I’m not. Not any longer.”
“I’m not afraid, either.” I’m just devastated. “You’ll get better. Koldo went to get you special Water. It helped you before, and—”
“No, my love, I’m ready now. I’ve been hovering between the natural and the spiritual for a while, and I got some things worked out with the Most High. He really is wonderful, you know. I asked for a chance to say goodbye, and He granted it.”
“Not goodbye. I want you to stay,” she whispered brokenly.
“I know you do, but the fear... It was ugly and I let it ruin me. At least now I’m going to a better place, and one day we’ll be together again. For now, you have a life to live. The things you’re going to teach people... Look at what you’ve done for Koldo already.”
“Laila—”
“I love you, Co Co.” So softly spoken.
“Don’t do this. Please.”
“It’s already done.”
There would be no changing her sister’s path, she realized. The tears escaped, flowing down Nicola’s cheeks, one after the other, burning her skin. She reached out, took her sister’s fragile hand and linked their fingers.
“I love you, too, La La.”
Laila smiled again—and breathed her last.
* * *
NICOLA WALKED THE STREETS of her childhood neighborhood in a numbed daze. At her request, her guards had flown her here and now followed discreetly behind her. She couldn’t stop picturing the way her sister’s head had lolled to the side, the spark fading from her eyes, leaving them glassy, dull. Machines had beeped like crazy, and nurses had rushed inside. But that time, they hadn’t tried to save the girl. They’d known they couldn’t.
They’d turned off the machines, patted Nicola on the shoulder and left her alone.
Silence had surrounded her. Such heavy, oppressive silence. She had only been able to sit there, tears continuing to slide down her cheeks.
How was she supposed to go on from here?
She was shaking by the time she reached the house they’d grown up in. The house where they’d laughed and talked and played. The house where they’d read storybooks to Robby.
Located in historic midtown, the house had yellow stucco and exposed red brick. There were bushes and flowers and bright green grass, plus a cement pathway leading to the steps of a wraparound porch.
The hospital faded from her mind, replaced by a vision of Laila peering out from the window, watching for Nicola to return from the doctor. The moment she had emerged from the car, her sister had smiled at her through the glass, relieved to be together again.
Together again. Something they wouldn’t have while Nicola was down here.
Nicola’s knees collapsed. Grief was suddenly razor sharp inside her, cutting her up, ruining the numbness. For so long, Laila had been her only companion. Laila was the only one who had ever shared the many travesties of their lives. Laila had cried with her and mourned with her and hurt with her and helped rally her when she was at her lowest.
And now...now...
“Give me time alone,” Nicola choked out to her guards. “Please.”
A moment passed as they debated, but in the end they walked away and rounded the corner at the end of the street.
A fresh round of tears welled in her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks, one after the other, faster and faster, until she was sobbing, shaking uncontrollably, sorrow and despair rising up, consuming her. Sunlight beat down on her, but she couldn’t feel the sting. She was cold inside. So cold.