My chest was tight, and I could do nothing but look at her miserable, happy face. Maybe I should let her go.
My expression must have shown my thoughts, because Ivy smiled even as a tear leaked out and she wiped it away. "I wanted to say thank you before Jenks and Trent get back and things start to happen. I know I can find the good again, now that I know what it feels like. I can recognize it. Keep from destroying it." She touched my knee, and I blinked back my own tears. "I can't ever repay you for that. It's more than I ever thought I'd find. Thank you."
"You're killing me, Ivy," I croaked, throat so tight it hurt.
"Payback is hell, isn't it?"
I tried to say something, failing.
"Just say you're welcome," Ivy said, standing up to look out the window at nothing.
There were lots of things I wanted to say, and none of them was "You're welcome." I wanted to say that I was going to lick this. That nothing was going to change. That this was just a bump. But when my gaze focused past her and found the blocky gray shape of Alcatraz, I didn't know if it was true. Feeling a sense of mild panic, I stood.
Ivy turned. Looking at me, she leaned in and gave me a hug. I held my breath so I wouldn't start crying, so I didn't breathe in her soothing vampire scent, but I knew it was there. My arms went around her, and I had a fleeting thought that she felt small for such a big person.
Reluctantly Ivy let go and dropped back. "I hope you get your shunning rescinded. I hope we drive back, taking our time and actually sleeping. I hope that nothing changes. But even if we can make all those things happen, let me go. Right now. I need to move on and find something good that I can hold on to."
I stared at her black eyes. She'd come a long way. We'd never have been able to have this conversation last year. "But-"
She leaned in, taking my face in her cool hands. "This is good-bye, Rachel."
Oh, shit.
I knew what was going to happen, and I let it. Ivy's lips met mine, and my eyes closed. My heart gave a thump. Her lips moved against me, tasting lightly of coffee. All the tension that had been winding up in me unraveled in a rush of endorphins, followed by a spark of adrenaline, glowing through me like pixy dust.
For the first time, there was no fear from her vampire teeth, no worry of the promise of ecstasy and danger she held. She was just Ivy, and her hand slipped to my waist, pulling a ribbon of feeling through me. My blood rose, pounding, responding to her touch. She smelled like incense and soap. She held me to her without binding, without promise, only passion in her embrace. Her mouth was soft, unbelievably soft.
Blood humming, I felt her tongue whisper against me and her grip quiver against my jaw as the scent of her tears lit through me. Salt and blood. Oh so close, and my own closed eyes spilled over as my body ached. She began to pull away, I realized I was tasting what I could have had-but now was gone. And it hurt.
Feeling it, Ivy let go. I blinked, trying not to cry. Even as she stood there, I'd lost her. Even though she'd never been mine, now she was gone. I didn't want anything to change, but I couldn't stop it. She was right, even if everything went perfectly tonight, nothing would be the same tomorrow.
"You're not leaving me," she said, her eyes damp. "I'm leaving you."
The knock at the door shocked both of us, and I stifled my jerk when Ivy turned to it with her vampire-quick reflexes. I wasn't thinking, the heat of that kiss still aching. She looked at me, her soft smile the last thing I would have expected from her right now.
"I'll get it," she said, motions like an old jazz song as she drifted past me in a wave of happy vampire.
"Damn it, what's wrong with you, Ivy?" I said, shaking.
"Nothing. I feel good. Hell of a good-bye kiss."
Good-bye kiss. God, she had me in the ever-after already. "Whoever it is, don't let them in," I said, wiping my eyes. "And we're not done talking here."
"Yes, we are," Ivy said as she looked through the peephole. "It's your mother. And some guy with red hair."
"Robbie?" I jumped up and started for the door. "Let me see," I said as I got close, and she shifted away.
In the hallway, looking anxious in a yellow sundress and a straw hat, was my mother. Beside her was Robbie, his hair slicked back and a pleasant expression on his face. "It's my mom!" I said, reaching to open the door. It cracked open, and then it slammed shut, slipping right out of my grip.
I turned to Ivy, and I heard my mother huff through the door. "Ivy!" I protested, her black eyes setting me back a step.
"That's not your mom," she said, and I got cold.
Chapter Nineteen
I stared at the closed door, hearing a muttered conversation behind it. "What do you mean, that's not my mom?" I asked Ivy again, my voice hushed, and she shrugged.
"How would she know you're here? You call her? I didn't."
No, I hadn't, and I looked through the peephole to find her and Robbie discussing things. "She knows I'm somewhere in the city," I said. "She's crazy, not stupid, and the press probably knows where Trent is staying."
"Rachel?" my mom called. "I want to talk to you before your trial, sweetie."
Ivy shook her head. "She's not swearing. And when has Robbie ever been happy to see you?"
I frowned, squinting through the peephole to try to see my mom better. Her shoes didn't match her dress, and Robbie was still smiling. It was the last one that did it. "You're right." Raising my voice, I shouted, "Nice try! Go away!" I dropped down to my heels, feeling like the little goat who didn't let the big bad wolf in to eat her.
"Is Trent there?" the man who wasn't Robbie asked, his voice off.
Ivy leaned toward the door. "No," she said belligerently. "Whatcha going to do about it?"
I smacked her shoulder with a huff, and she blinked innocently at me. The growing rim around her eyes vanished, and I backed up a step. "What did you tell them that for?"
"To hurry things up. I want to see the sunset over the bay this evening."
I sighed, leaning to look out the peephole again, but I only got a glimpse of them, their heads clustered over a glowing ley-line amulet, before I flung myself away, pulling Ivy with me.
Her shout of protest was drowned out by a loud bang, and the heavy steel door burst inward, landing askew on the front couch in the lower living room.
"Holy crap!" I exclaimed, struggling to find my balance as I held Ivy's arm. I reached for a ley line as the door frame smoked, but the energy source oozed through my mental fingers like slivers of broken mirror. It hurt, and I scrambled to fill my chi with the nasty stuff.