"Regin, this is the first time I've real y been around Aidan since he died. You've known him in the past, for however briefly." He ran his hand over the back of his neck. "But I've always been too late. I saw the knight breathe his last. I was with you when we buried the Spaniard's empty coffin. I was running for the cavalryman, yel ing a warning seconds before he was shot. I just ... I want to see what this is like. To have him back."
Brandr misses him, too.
"But he's not the same," she said in a softer tone. "You'll only be disappointed."
"Then you can leave him behind after we escape. What could it hurt to wait a few days ... ?"
Even over the storm, Declan heard someone nearing, but he was too bloody weary to bother covering his scars.
Fuck it. Let everyone see what he real y looked like. ...
Brandr approached, his eyes narrowing at the sight. Yet he said nothing, just stalked around the clearing, kicking a rock here, throwing a stick there.
Colm used to do that whenever he had something pressing he'd wanted to discuss. "Say what's on your mind, berserker."
"What the hel are you doing out here?"
Sitting in the rain like a fool, wanting to howl from losing her. Though he'd never had her to begin with! Just as he'd known, one look at his ruined skin had made her run. Why had he hoped she'd react differently?
When Declan didn't answer, Brandr said, "Did an immortal do that to your chest?"
"Oh, aye, lots of them," he snapped.
"Tel me you kil ed them." Brandr's eyes gleamed in the night. He sounded almost ... pissed for Declan.
He gave a curt nod.
"This certainly explains why you hate all of us."
"I hated you because it was my goddamned job to! And because I never bloody knew there was an alternative."
"And what about those, Chase?" Brandr pointed to his track marks. "What are you into?"
Shame fil ing him, Declan stared at the puddle deepening around his boots.
"You're shaking now. How bad will the withdrawal get?"
"I've gotten through the worst of it." Regin saw me through it, and she didn't even know. ... But he wasn't free from the symptoms yet.
"Are you going to stay clean?"
"That's the plan."
Seeming to make a decision about him, Brandr said, "Regin wants to leave."
Declan shot to his feet. "Not a chance-"
"Unless you are tied up, like a prisoner. I've got some exam restraints back at the bunker."
How bloody fitting. "You and I both know I can hit a rage and break any bindings."
"And she knows there's enough time in that short window to take your head."
"If I do this, then she stays?"
Brandr nodded.
Declan drew on his pul over, then handed Regin's discarded sword over to Brandr. Wanting his penance, he returned to the bunker, all owing himself to be bound.
Inside, Thad and Regin were sitting up against a wal together, her head on the boy's shoulder. Don't thrash him. He's young.
When Natalya gestured for Brandr to join her, the berserker dropped down on the floor beside her.
Lothaire was still dozing.
Declan sat off to the side away from everyone, feeling-as usual-like an outcast. He used all his wil power not to stare at Regin. And failed.
The dark circles under her eyes and the pal or of her skin were like physical blows to him, redoubling his guilt.
When their gazes met, he didn't bother hiding what he was feeling. I want you so much. I'd give anything to redo the last month. To rid myself of these scars for you.
Expression brimming with hostility, she turned from him. When Thad put his arm around her shoulders, she curled into his side.
Declan's fists clenched behind him as he resisted the urge to break his bonds and snatch her away from the halfling.
When his legs grew restless and his shaking intensified once more, he leaned his head back against the wal to stare at the ceiling. This wasn't nearly as punishing as it'd been earlier, but without her in his arms, it was worse for him.
Need her. He gnashed his teeth, struggling to keep his legs still -
Suddenly Lothaire shot upright, out of breath and patting his chest from neck to waist. His face was drawn and clammy with sweat.
Declan narrowed his eyes. The vampire just dreamed of my torture, experienced it.
When Lothaire's red gaze fel on him, Declan murmured, "Fuckin' choke on them. ..."
Chapter FORTY-TWO
Regin woke in a rush. She'd been dozing against Thad again, who still snored beside her.
Throughout the night and morning the two of them had slept on and off, recuperating as they waited for some of the battles to die down.
Rubbing her gritty eyes, she glanced around. She saw lots of torture instruments but no torturer. Chase and everyone else were outside the room.
When Thad began nuzzling her neck, pressing his opened lips against her, she smacked him in the back of the head. "Don't go vamp on me now!"
"Whaa!" He shot upright, his fangs sharp. "Where am I?"
She glanced at his fangs, then down. "Oh, my gods, when do you not sport wood? There are bathrooms in the back, so go burp the worm or whatever."
Blushing furiously, he muttered, "I-I'm real y sorry." He pulled his T-shirt lower. "I don't know what's happening with me."
"You were either about to bite me or kiss me or both. Not a chance, kid! You've got better odds with Natalya-and those are looking up at zero." At his mortified look, Regin exhaled. "Look, I had a rough night, and I'm taking it out on you."
"I get it. It's cool." He scrubbed his hand down his face. "So, uh, Natalya's totally out?"
"Yeah, Brandr cockblocked you. Sorry. But one day, You'll find someone nonpoisonous. ... " She trailed off when Natalya came down the steps from the outer door.
Thad shot to his feet, finger-combing his hair.
"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey," the fey chirped as she strol ed into the room, looking rested and relaxed. "Come on, it's high noon, and we've got a boat to catch!"
And clearly, you got laid, Regin thought with a spike of jealousy. When she got back to New Orleans, she'd take a lover. No more being faithful to Aidan.
She'd take two. Hel , there was that pack of leopard shifters that'd been sniffing around her. I'll lift tail for every single one of them.
Regin rose, every muscle in her body protesting. "I'm taking a fiver." She scuffed toward the lavatory she'd found.
Natalya ruffled Thad's hair with her knuckles, discomfiting him even more, then fol owed her inside.