I laughed.
"But this is Galilee," he said. "Once one lives in a city like Alexandria, once one has been to Rome, you know these are illusions. Do you know what that word means?"
"Yes," I said. "Fancies. Dreams."
"Ah," he said. "You are the one who understands me."
I laughed and nodded.
"I'm your prophet," he said.
"Will you be my prophet?" I said.
"What? What is it you want me to do?"
"Tell me the answers. Why did they stop me at the door of the synagogue. Why didn't Joseph want to say that it was in - ."
"No," he said. He shook his head. He put his hands up to his head. He looked down. "I can't do it because Joseph doesn't want me to do it."
"Joseph has forbidden me to ask questions of him, even to ask questions."
"You know why?" he asked.
"He doesn't want to know," I said. I shrugged. "What else could it be?"
He knelt down and took me by the shoulders. He looked into my eyes.
"He doesn't understand things himself," he said. "And when a man doesn't understand, he can't explain."
"Joseph? Not understand?"
"Yes, that's what I said. I said it for your ears only."
"You understand?" I asked.
"I try," he said. He raised his eyebrows and he smiled. "You know me. You know that I try. But Joseph's way is to wait, wait on the Lord himself. Joseph doesn't have to understand, because Joseph trusts in the Lord completely. There's something I can tell you and that you must remember. An angel has spoken to your mother. And angels have come to Joseph. But no angel has ever come to me."
"And not to me, but..." I broke off. I wasn't going to say it - about Eleazer in Egypt, and about the rain stopping, and least of all about Cleopas himself in the Jordan River, and my hand on his back. Or about that night on the banks of the Jordan when I'd thought there were others there, all around me in the darkness.
He was lost in his thoughts. He stood up and looked out over the fields at the mountains rising to the east and the west.
"Tell me what happened!" I said. I kept my voice low. I pleaded. "Tell me everything."
"Let's talk about the battles, and the rebellion, and these Kings of the House of Herod. It's easier," he said. He was still looking off.
Then he looked down at me.
"I cannot tell you what you want to know. I don't know everything either. If I try to tell you things, your father will put me out of the house for it. You know he will. And I can't bring that trouble to our house. You're what, eight years old now?"
"Not yet," I said. "But soon!"
He smiled. "Yes, a man!" he said. "I see that. How could I not know you were a man? Listen to me, someday before I die, I'll tell you all I know. I promise you..." He went into his thoughts again.
"What is it?"
His face was full of shadows.
"I will tell you this," he said. "Keep it in your heart. The day will come - ." He shook his head. He looked away.
"Speak, go on, I'm listening to you."
When he turned back to me, he had a sharp smile again.
"Now to Caesar Augustus," he said. "What does it matter who is collecting the taxes or catching the thieves? What does it matter who stands at the city gates? You saw the Temple. How can the Temple be rebuilt and purified if the Romans don't bring order to Jerusalem? Herod Archelaus gives the order for slaughter in the very Temple. The thieves and the rebels stand on the cloisters and shoot their arrows in the very Temple. I'd have a Roman peace, yes, a peace such as we had in Alexandria. I'll tell you something about the Romans. Their cup is full, and it's good to be ruled by one whose cup is full."
I didn't answer him but I heard every word and remembered every word afterward.
"What did they do to Simon, the rebel whom they caught?"
"He was beheaded," said Cleopas. "He was let off easy, if you ask me. But then I didn't care that he burnt the two palaces of Herod. It's not that ...it's all the rest of it, the lawlessness, the ruin."
He looked at me.
"Oh, you're too little to understand," he said.
"How many times have you said that to me?" I asked.
He laughed.
"But I do understand," I said. "We don't have a Jewish King who can rule over all of us, not a Jewish King whom men love."
He nodded. He looked around, at the sky, at the passing clouds.
"Nothing for us really changes," he said.
"I've heard this before."
"You'll hear it again. Tomorrow, you'll come with me to Sepphoris and help with the painting of the walls we're finishing. It's easy work. I've drawn the lines. I'll mix the color. You just fill in. You'll be working just as you did in Alexandria. That's what we want. Isn't it? That and to love the Lord with our whole hearts and minds, and to know his Law."
We walked back home together.
I didn't tell him what was in my heart. I couldn't. I wanted to tell him about the strange dream I'd had but I couldn't. And if I couldn't tell my uncle Cleopas, then I couldn't tell anyone what I'd dreamed. I'd never be able to ask the Old Rabbi about the man with wings, or the visions I saw, that I'd seen the colonnades of the Temple in flames.
And who would understand the night near the Jordan, the beings around me in the dark?
We were almost down the hill. There was a woman singing in her garden, and little ones playing.
I stopped.
"Was is it?" he asked. "Come," he gestured with his hand.
I didn't obey him.
"Uncle," I said. "What was it, up there, that you were going to tell me? Tell me now."
He looked at me and I looked at him.
In a small voice I said,
"I want to know."
He was quiet, and a change came over him, a softening, and then he spoke in a low voice as he answered me.
"You keep what I say in your heart," he said. "The day will come when you will have to give us the answers."
We looked at each other, and I was the one to look away. I must give the answers!
There came over me the remembrance of the Jordan River in the sunset, the fire in the water that was a beautiful fire, and the feeling of those others, those countless others all around me.
And there came in a flash to me a feeling of understanding everything, everything!
It was gone as soon as it had come. And I knew that I had let it go, this feeling. Yes, I had let it go.
My uncle was still looking at me.