I sank down to the ground and sat there. Songs played inside, and I could hear when Jackdown took the stage. The crowd roared, and I closed my eyes and wished like hell I had been stronger. Better.
“You gonna sit out here all night and beat yourself up for whatever the hell you did, or get up and go check on her?”
I opened my eyes to see Rock standing over me.
“She doesn’t want to see me,” I told him.
Rock cocked an eyebrow. “Really? ’Cause the girl I met inside looked at you like you were some angel from heaven. For a minute there I thought you might walk on f**king water and not have told us.”
Normally, a comment like that would’ve made me laugh. But right now I felt sick to my stomach. “She left. I told her all I’d ever be was a one-time f**k, and she said she wanted more. That she deserved more. And she’s right. So I let her go.”
Rock didn’t respond right away. He agreed with her, I was sure. Everyone saw how amazing she was. It was easy to see.
“I’ve known you all my life. And I’ve never seen you treat anyone the way you treat Sienna. Not when we were in high school and not now. She’s your one. The one who reaches you. The one who makes you different.”
“She was Dustin’s,” I said, reminding him that in high school she was never mine. I had protected her when my brother hadn’t. Nothing more.
“No one was ever Dustin’s one. We both know that. I believe Sienna may be the only one who doesn’t know that.”
“Don’t. He loved her. He made mistakes. He was a kid.”
Rock shook his head. “It’s time you faced some things. One of those things is that Dustin never deserved Sienna. You did. You gave her to him. She wanted you, and you handed her to him.”
“She was a kid!” I yelled. I didn’t want to hear this. Dustin had loved that girl. He had since he was little. He’d made some mistakes, but he’d have done anything to protect Sienna.
“Explain Kimmy Bart, then. Make it make sense in your head. Because it never has in mine,” Rock said, then turned and walked away.
I watched him leave. I hated that he had brought up Kimmy Bart. I didn’t want to think about her. I didn’t want to remember what she’d done to my family. The pain she’d caused when we hadn’t needed it.
She’d been one of Dustin’s biggest mistakes. One I’d never wanted Sienna to know about. It would destroy her.
When I finally got up and went to my truck, I decided I’d drive by Sienna’s to make sure her car was parked in the driveway. I would sleep better knowing she was home safe. I should have followed her since she was upset, but I had needed space and time to think first.
My headlights illuminated a car pulled off the side of the road, and my heart stopped. It was Sienna’s. Shit! I slammed on my brakes and jumped out of the truck, but Sienna wasn’t in the car. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and dialed her number while I jumped back in my truck and searched for her on the side of the road.
It went to voice mail.
Shit.
I’d started to dial her number again when a text lit up my screen.
Sienna: I’m in bed. I don’t feel like talking tonight.
So she was home. Who had she called?
Me: I found your car. How did you get home?
Sienna: I walked.
Shit! That was at least three miles in the dark. Anything could have happened to her.
Me: Why didn’t you call me?
She should have called me. She had my number. I’d told her if she ever needed me to call me.
Sienna: I needed space from you. I made it home okay. Thanks for checking.
I dropped the phone to the seat beside me and drove by her house just to be sure she was okay. Then I called my dad to tell him to keep an eye on her because she didn’t have a car.
After that I called Jimbo down at the wrecker service and paid him extra to get his ass out of bed and come tow that piece of shit to the junkyard. I told him I’d come get everything out of it in the morning.
Sienna was getting a new car. A safe car. Because I wasn’t giving her an option. I was buying her and Micah a decent car. She wasn’t walking home in the dark ever again.
SIENNA
Tabby had brought Micah home the next morning to see me before I had to go to work. She’d said that Dewayne had said to let me know he’d had my car hauled off to the shop last night. He would be bringing my things by later and not to worry about it. She’d also said that when I was ready to leave I should bring Micah back over and take her car. She wouldn’t be needing it.
Micah had been telling me about his time with Mama T and Grandpa Dave ever since she’d left, so I hadn’t had a chance to decide what I thought about Dewayne handling my car problem. On one hand, him having it hauled was helpful, but I didn’t have an unlimited budget. I’d planned to shop around for the cheapest rate.
“Did you know that Mama T and Grandpa Dave have pictures of you when you was little? I saw them last night, and you used to have lots of freckles. Did you get them erased?”
I laughed and pulled Micah onto my lap and cuddled with him. “They faded as I got older and I stopped running around outside all the time.”
Micah slipped his little arms around me. “You smell good, Momma. I missed you.”
I kissed the top of his head. “I missed you, too, Ace. So much.”
“Mama T said Uncle Dewayne may be coming over today. Think he’ll throw the football with me?”
I ran my hand over his silky hair. “I’m sure he will. Your Uncle Dewayne loves you.” That was something I was sure of.
“When you get off work tonight, are we gonna have a movie night?”
“Yes, we are. Is it a Jedi night, or will we be pirates?”
He tilted his head back and smiled up at me. “We can be pirates. I know you like Captain Jack.”
I laughed and tickled him while he giggled and squirmed.
“Momma. Hey, Momma,” he said when he caught his breath. “I heard Mama T tell Grandpa Dave that she wished my last name was Falco like Daddy’s.”
I froze. Once, I had wanted that too. But now I wasn’t sure. Everyone would know then. Was I ready for that?
“I like having the same last name as you. I don’t wanna change it,” he said, looking concerned.
I pulled him back into my arms in a hug. “If you want to be a Roy, then you can be,” I told him. “But even if your last name isn’t Falco, you’re a Falco, kiddo.”
He wrapped his arms around my neck. “I want to be what you are.”
I held him close and breathed him in. He didn’t have that baby smell anymore, and I missed it. But my little boy was growing up. Every day I saw more of his father in him.
“I love you, Micah,” I told him.
“I love you more, Momma.”
Not getting enough sleep last night was weighing on me. I was exhausted, and I had three blisters on my feet, which wasn’t helping. It was getting harder to cover up my yawns. Hillary had caught me yawning twice already. I knew she didn’t like me looking like I had partied hard all night. If she only knew the truth. I would explain about my car so she would at least know the reason I was obviously tired. I didn’t want her thinking this was from a night of partying.
“You got a customer, Sienna,” Gretchen called out. I turned around to see Cam Dodge dressed in his dress shirt and tie. I hadn’t expected to see him again, much less coming in for a haircut.
“Okay, I’m free for the next hour,” I said, and smiled at Cam.
His grin looked somewhat apologetic. I don’t know why. He had nothing to be sorry over. We had gone out once. No big deal that it had been almost two weeks ago.
“I need a trim,” he said, walking toward me. I motioned for him to take a seat in my chair, and then I put a cape over him and fastened it around his neck.
“Your current hairdresser unavailable?” I asked.
He gave me that crooked grin that made him cute. “I normally go to the barber shop. You’re easier on the eyes than Bill.”
Smiling, I reached for a comb and checked out his hair. “You want a wash and style too, or just a trim?”
“Are you the one who will wash it?” he asked, looking at me in the mirror.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Then yeah, wash me up. I’m filthy.”
This time I laughed. I doubted Cam had ever been filthy. He was always so clean and put together that he reminded me of a politician.
“Okay. Let’s get you clean first, then,” I told him, and led him back to the sinks.
I normally didn’t think anything of washing men’s hair, but the fact that Cam wanted me to wash it made me a little self-conscious. I made sure I had the water at a comfortable temperature for him, then tried really hard to focus on washing his hair and not thinking about the fact that he could probably see down my shirt when I leaned. Most guys closed their eyes when you washed their hair, but Cam’s eyes were open.
“You smell really good,” he said, making me even more nervous. I didn’t like being flirted with when I did hair.
“Thanks,” I replied. I quickly finished washing him and got the towel around his head, then led him back to his seat.
When he was back in my chair, his eyes met mine in the mirror. “What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asked.
I was doing nothing. Well, that wasn’t true. I was probably watching one of the Star Wars movies with my son. “Not sure.”
He nodded and looked let down. “Is my not calling going to be held against me?”
No. Not really. I didn’t blame him for not calling. I wouldn’t have called me either after that craziness.
“No,” I assured him as I began combing his hair.
“So if I asked you out for tomorrow night . . . ?”
“I would have to speak with my son first. Then I’d need to talk to his grandparents,” I told him.
He nodded. “Fair enough. When you do that, let me know. I’d like another chance. One where we don’t run into your son’s uncle.”
Cam was a nice guy. He was attractive. But he wasn’t Dewayne. No one would ever be Dewayne. But I needed the guys I dated to at least make me forget Dewayne. Cam never would. I’d always be missing Dewayne’s tattoos and piercings and dreadlocks.
“I think that I’m a waste of your time, Cam. I have baggage, and I’m not emotionally ready to date.”
There, I had been honest. Cam frowned, then let out a sigh. “Fair enough. I figured there was more between you and Dewayne Falco than just your son.”
I couldn’t even argue with him.
I finished cutting his hair, and we talked about the weather, what could possibly be wrong with my car, and the high school cafeteria food. Then he paid me, tipped me way too much, and left.
I might have made a mistake turning him away, but I didn’t ever want to hurt someone. I knew how that felt, and there was no point in him wasting his time with me. I was a mess.
Six years ago . . .
DEWAYNE
Preston pulled up outside a house surrounded by cars, with loud music pumping out of the speakers. There were empty beer cans in the yard and even more red Solo cups. A bunch of guys were doing shots off some chick’s stomach on the front porch.
“You sure you want to do this? We partied too when we were in school. Ain’t like Dustin is doing anything we didn’t do,” Preston said, looking around at the high school party with illegal drinking going on. Whoever lived here must have been left home alone by really stupid parents.
“This shit ain’t Dustin. He has college scouts looking at him. He has a life we can’t imagine waiting on him. He shouldn’t be here, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have Sienna here with him. This isn’t safe.”
Preston chuckled. “Shit always comes back to Sienna,” he said, but I ignored him as we walked up the sidewalk.
A couple of the guys on the basketball team recognized me and called out to me. They were all smashed. I ignored them. They were making a mistake. This wasn’t going to get them anywhere but f**king prison.
I wouldn’t let that happen to my brother.
“Where’s Dustin?” I asked one of them.
“He’s got Kimmy up in a bedroom, more than likely,” someone called out.
Kimmy? Kimmy the blond cheerleader Kimmy? Oh, f**k no, he wasn’t that stupid. She’d slept with Preston our senior year. She’d slept with a lot of my graduating class.
I headed inside and straight up the stairs. Preston was behind me. “He’s a kid. We sure as hell weren’t relationship material when we were his age. We f**ked anything that was hot and had a pu**y. You can’t blame him for not being satisfied—”
I turned and got in Preston’s face, shutting him up. “Don’t. Sienna is different. We never had a Sienna. So don’t f**king compare that shit. He’s f**king up his life.”
Preston threw his hands in the air and backed up. “Fine. Go knock some sense into him. Not me. Him. I like my face all nice and pretty.”