“I think that’s what they call us,” Finn says to her.
“Really?” She seems genuinely surprised. Then she looks around the woods. “I’m not sure, actually. We’ve all got kind of scattered.” Her chin crumples up a bit. “And not all of us made it.”
“Hey,” Mel says, kindly. “It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry for all this,” Satchel says, through tears. “I don’t know why it always happens to us. I don’t know why we always have to blow up the high school–”
“Don’t worry about it,” Mel says, making a space for Satchel and Finn to sit. “Everybody’s got something.”
“Ain’t that the truth?” Jared says.
Satchel and Finn sit. We all, all of us, together, watch the school still burn.
“You know what?” I say, quietly, to Jared.
“What?”
“I think… I think I don’t want you to heal my scar. Or anything else yet.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. If it gets bad again. Bad enough to… Well, I’ll think about it then. But not yet.”
“Is the medication working that well?”
“No, but if you heal all that stuff, I’ll live the rest of my life not knowing if I could have figured it out on my own.”
He nods, solemnly. “That makes sense. In fact, what do you wanna bet that’s what your sister will say, too?”
I smile at that. “That you offered, Jared. That you bargained. For me…” I find that I can’t go on.
He knows what I mean. “I’m always here for you,” he says. “If you need it.”
“For another four years,” I say, wiping my eyes.
“Four years is a long time. A lot could happen.”
“Maybe.”
And as I put my own hand up to feel my scar, I think he’s right. A lot could happen. Mel and Steve could stay together. Or not. Henna and Tony could get back together. Or not. Me and Jared could stay firm friends. Or we could drift apart. Maybe there’s a chance even the God stuff will change. Maybe Nathan will get run over by a bus that I’m not anywhere near. Maybe I’ll come off my medication. Or stay on it. Maybe my mom won’t win her race after all. Maybe my dad will become a new person and what will that be like? What will this summer be like?
Too fast, probably. Too many nights at Grillers, but also nights together, all of us. Like we are now.
I look at us. Jared and Mel, who I’m so proud of, and Henna and Meredith and Steve and even Nathan and even the two indie kids, who really do seem just like the rest of us. Just normal people, having a burger above the crater where their school once was.
“What metaphor are we going to use for this?” Nathan asks. “Our childhoods burning down?”
“I think our childhoods burnt down a long time ago,” Mel says, leaning against Steve.
“High school is like living through fire?” Henna suggests.
“That’s kind of true,” I say.
“What about, from the ashes, phoenixes will rise?” Meredith suggests.
“That sounds too much like hard work, Merde Breath,” Jared says. “I think it’s just a high school that burnt down. I don’t think it’s a metaphor at all.”
“Spoilsport,” Nathan says. They laugh together. And I’m only a little bit jealous.
“Why does everything have to mean something, though?” Jared asks. “Haven’t we got enough life to be living?”