I should have been pleased with this development. I should have used this time to think about my next move and how best to navigate these uncertain waters Viola Doyle had cast me into.
But mostly, I just thought about Cedric.
If I was being honest with myself, Cedric had been on my mind since the moment we met. I’d just worked to keep my feelings pushed off to the side of my mind. But now that I’d unlocked my heart and admitted to those feelings . . . well, now there was no keeping him out of my head. I found myself constantly replaying every moment from that night under the stars. The exact moment our lips had met. The way his fingers had loosened my hair. The boldness of his hand moving up to the side of my thigh—but never any farther.
Sometimes, at the right time of day, they can catch a glimpse of each other across the sky. Nothing more.
I couldn’t sleep. I could hardly eat. I moved around in a glorious haze, high on the thrill of what had happened between us, even though that high was dampened by the knowledge it wouldn’t—that it couldn’t—happen again.
At least he never told me it was a mistake. I always remembered that cautionary tale Tamsin had told us, about the girl she knew in Osfro who’d given up a lot more than kisses to a man who’d promised her everything, only to later tell her it had been a “misunderstanding.”
But Cedric never spoke of regrets or any other humiliating excuses. In some ways, that made it worse. It meant that he didn’t think it was a mistake. And I didn’t either. Neither of us could deny, however, that it complicated things.
So, really, we found it best to speak as little as possible to each other—not because of any animosity but because we simply didn’t trust ourselves. One day, however, communication was unavoidable. Several of us were about to go to a party, and he pulled me aside while the others were distracted. We stood several inches apart, and I counted every single one of them.
“I’ve found someone for you,” he told me, casting a quick look back at the doorway. “A good man—I could tell when I spoke to him. And then I verified it with some sources who know his servants. You can always tell a lot about someone by their servants.” Cedric hesitated. “And he’s very . . . candid. Amusing. I thought . . . well, I thought you’d like that too.”
Awkwardness joined the electric attraction between us. It was more than a little weird to have the man I so desperately wanted finding a suitable husband for me.
“Thank you for that,” I said, not sure what else to say.
“He’s out of town right now, but I’ve arranged for you to meet at the end of the week. There’s just one problem . . .”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Cedric, there are a lot of problems.”
“Don’t I know it. But he’s . . . well, he’s a lawyer. Still getting established. His house in town is small. Nice—but small. And he has only two servants.”
“I see.” A lawyer, while a respectable position here in the colonies, would not provide the luxury that, say, a plantation owner or shipping magnate would. Certainly not what a governor might offer. Two servants meant I’d most likely be helping with some of the household tasks.
“You’d always be provided for,” said Cedric quickly. “You’d be comfortable—still part of some social events. Not the top-tier ones . . . but some. And I’ve heard he’s good. He’ll most likely advance, maybe even move into a government position over time. It would be an outstanding match for many of the girls here.”
“But not necessarily the diamond.”
“No,” he agreed. “And he was uncertain you’d even want him—or that he could afford you. He could just afford your minimum bride price if he borrows, but there’s no promise of surety money. I convinced him you’d be worth it.”
I felt an ache in my chest. “Of course you did. You can sell salvation to a priest.”
He winced. “Adelaide, I know it’s not what you’d want—”
“No,” I interrupted. “It’s perfect. I’d rather live humbly with a man I can respect—maybe even like—than be pampered by someone who holds a sword over my head.”
“You will like him—” The words caught in Cedric’s throat.
I nearly reached for him but drew back before something happened I might not be able to control. I clenched my hand into a fist at my side. From the other room, I heard someone calling my name. Cedric and I stood together for a heartbeat, saying a million silent things, and then turned to join the others.
Mistress Culpepper clucked in disapproval when she saw me. “Adelaide, where is your jewelry? You’ve been forgetful all week—highly inappropriate for a girl of your rank.”
“Sorry, Mistress Culpepper.” My memory was so filled with details of a forbidden night, I supposed it had little room for much more.
Mistress Culpepper snatched the diamond necklace from a servant’s hand and held it out to Cedric. “Mister Thorn, can you put this on her? I swear if we make it there in time, it will be nothing short of a miracle! Now stand still. Honestly, between the missing wigs and now this, how many more things can go wrong tonight?” That last part was spoken to Rosamunde, who’d snapped a corset string. Mistress Culpepper was frantically trying to replace it.
Cedric stood frozen for a few moments, holding the necklace in his hand. It was made of teardrop-shaped diamonds, which I found appropriate. Not wanting to draw attention, he finally stepped behind me and placed the circlet around my neck. I held my breath, amazed that the whole room couldn’t see the effect he had on me. His body was right up against mine, and his hands trembled as he tried to fasten the necklace’s clasp. When he finally managed it, he smoothed the chain and brushed a few wayward tendrils of hair out of the way. His fingertips were as light as a feather, but I felt goose bumps break out along my skin. I didn’t exhale until he backed away.