She nodded. "How are we going to stay in touch? I can't always wait for you to be asleep.'
Silence. Excellent point.
"Maybe we could get a cell phone today ... God knows we've needed one. And well ... why don't you just come to us? Where are you anyway?'
I wondered if I was making a mistake in inviting her to join us. Dimitri and I had gone to great pains to keep our location secret, and that run-in with the guardians had already been a bit closer than I would have liked. Aside from the obvious problems-- imprisonment, execution, et cetera--being captured would take us out of the picture for helping Lissa. Yet, I was pretty sure Sonya was one of our allies, and at this point, she might be our only link to Jill.
I'd made a similar gamble in revealing where we were to Victor. And while he had technically helped us, that help had obviously backfired. Nonetheless, I told Sonya the name of our campground and the best directions I could. She said she'd come--I didn't know how she'd manage it but suspected she was resourceful--and would keep trying to reach Jill.
"Sonya ...' I hesitated to speak, knowing I should just let her end the dream. We had important problems, more serious than what I was about to ask. Plus, this was personal territory. "What did you mean in the car ... when I said I'd shared a dream with my boyfriend? You looked surprised.'
Sonya studied me for a long moment, those blue eyes looking deeper into me than I would have liked. Sometimes she seemed safer in crazy mode. "Auras tell a lot, Rose, and I'm very good at reading them. Much better than your friends probably are. A spirit dream wraps your own aura in gold, which is how I knew. Your personal aura is unique to you, though it fluctuates with your feelings and soul. When people are in love, it shows. Their auras shine. When you were dreaming, yours was bright. The colors were bright ... but not what I expected from a boyfriend. Of course, not every relationship is the same. People are at different stages. I would have brushed it off, except ...'
"Except what?'
"Except, when you're with Dimitri, your aura's like the sun. So is his.' She smiled when I simply stared in stunned silence. "You're surprised by this?'
"I ... that is, we're over. We used to be together, but after his change, he didn't want me anymore. I moved on.' Where moving on apparently meant holding hands and having close, heated moments. "That's why I'm with Adrian. I'm happy with Adrian.' That last sentence sounded almost defensive. Who was I trying to convince? Her or myself?
"Behaviors and feelings rarely line up,' she said, sounding very Dimitri Zen-like. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you've got some issues to work out.'
Great. Therapy from a crazy woman. "Okay, let's suppose there's something to this. I only really gave up on Dimitri a couple weeks ago. It's possible I'm probably still holding onto some feelings.' Possible? I thought about how acutely aware of his physical presence I always was in the car, the carefree harmony in the library, how good it felt to work with him in that way of ours, both so determined and almost never second- guessing the other. And only hours ago, in the guestroom ...
Sonya had the audacity to laugh. "Possible? After only two weeks? Rose, you're wise in so many ways ... and so young in others.'
I hated being judged by my age but had no time for temper tantrums. "Okay, whatever. I've still got feelings. But not him. You didn't see him after he was changed. It was horrible. He was depressed. He said he wanted to avoid me at all costs, that he couldn't love anyone again. It wasn't until this escape madness that he even started acting like his old self.'
"He and I talked about that,' she said, face serious again. "About the depression. I understand it. After being Strigoi ... doing what we did ... you don't feel worthy of life. There's just guilt and darkness and the crushing memories of that evil.' She shuddered.
"You ... you've acted differently from him. I mean, you look so sad sometimes, but at others ... it's like nothing happened. You're already back to your old self. Mostly. Why the difference in you two?'
"Oh, I've still got the guilt, believe me. After Robert changed me ...' There was venom when she spoke his name. "Well, I didn't want to leave my house, my bed. I hated myself for what I'd done. I wished I'd been staked to death. Then Dimitri talked to me... . He said that guilt was inevitable. The fact that I can feel it proves I'm not Strigoi. But he told me I can't let that stop me from embracing life again. We've been given second chances, he and I. We can't throw them away. He also said it took him a while to realize it and that he didn't want me to make the same mistakes. He told me to embrace life and its beauty and the people I love before it was too late--even though it'd be difficult. Shaking that Strigoi past ... it's like a weight, always pressing on me. He swore he wasn't going to let it control him anymore--which, believe me, sounds noble but is very hard to do--and that he wouldn't let his life be pointless. He'd already lost some things forever but refused to let go of the rest.'
"He said all that? I ... I'm not even sure what half of it means.' He told me to embrace life and its beauty and the people I love before it was too late.
"Sometimes I don't either. Like I said, it's much easier said than done. Still, I think he has helped me recover more quickly than I would have on my own. I'm grateful. And as for you and your auras ...' That small smile returned. "Well, you've got to figure it out. I don't believe in soul mates, not exactly. I think it's ridiculous to think there's only one person out there for us. What if your "soul mate' lives in Zimbabwe? What if he dies young? I also think "two souls becoming one' is ridiculous. You need to hold onto yourself. But I do believe in souls being in sync, souls that mirror each other. I see that synchronicity in auras. I can see love too. And I see all of that in his aura and in yours. Only you can choose what to do with that information--if you even believe it.'