“I know how freely your mother said that to men. Hell, I’ve heard her say it about a hundred times to seven different guys since you’ve moved here. I know she thinks she loves them and throws the word around too easily. I also know she never once said those words to you or your siblings. So, I know how foreign those words are to you. I know you don’t want to do anything like your mother would, you’re afraid of turning into her.”
She nodded slowly. “But, Madison, you are not your mother. You’re a strong, independent woman. You’re headstrong, stubborn, smart, kind, and yes loving. I know how hard it was for you to allow yourself to give yourself to a man. I’m honored beyond words that I was your first.” And last, but she didn’t know that yet. “I won’t push you or get upset if you don’t you love me. All I want is to be allowed to show you how I feel about you and to tell you.”
“Ephraim, I don’t think I’m capable of loving anyone other than my brother and sister.”
He pressed another kiss to her neck. “Well, then let me deal with it. I’m not asking you to love me. I’m asking you to let me love you. I’m fine if you never say it. I just want you, Madison.”
She gulped. “For how long?”
“However long you’ll let me.” Forever, but really she didn’t need to know that either.
“No pressure?”
“No pressure.”
He turned her in his arms. His eyes bore into hers. “Let’s just get one thing clear, Madison. I have never told another person that I love them. Not one. I’m not one of those men that come sniffing around your mother. I don’t say things lightly and I’m not using you. I won’t run for the hills either or become bored. I’m here for you as long as you’ll let me and I won’t pressure you.” He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “For as long as you want me, Madison, I am your man.”
“But what if you-“
“I won’t.”
“You didn’t let me finish.”
“It doesn’t matter. I won’t do it if it hurts you.” He brushed his lips against hers. She wasn’t giving up. He could practically feel her fear.
“What if you get bored with me? I’m not very beautiful and-“
He pulled back to search her eyes. She was serious. She really had no idea. “Madison, let me clear that up for you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”
She scoffed.
“Madison, I would never tell you otherwise. What makes you even more beautiful and special is your big heart. You’re too kind and sweet for your own good sometimes.”
“No I’m not. Ephraim, see this is just infatuation for you. You think I’m perfect. I’m not. I’m a woman with many faults, but you don’t seem to see them.”
“Really? You think so?” he asked, sounding thoughtful.
“Yes! See that’s how my mother acts with every guy. You don’t see the real me.”
“Hmmm.”
“I’m not perfect, Ephraim, and sooner or later you’ll see that and move on.” Her words hurt but they needed to be said. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t. There was no such thing as love. Affection? Yes, she cared about him deeply. More than anyone, but love? No. There was no such thing as romantic love. It was just infatuation mixed with hormones.
“You’re probably right.” He pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed to pull on his socks and shoes. “Baby, can you hand me my shirt?” He pointed to a dark grey shirt hanging on the back of the bathroom door. A tie hung around the shirt’s collar.
A little confused over how easily he dropped the subject she handed him the shirt. “That’s it?”
“What?” He stood up, buttoning the shirt and unzipped his pants to tuck it in.
She raised her hands slightly and let them drop. “Nothing.” She chickened out.
His hands made fast work of tying the tie. “Oh, you mean that nonsense about this being a simple infatuation for me and I don’t see your faults? Sorry, didn’t know you wanted me to respond to that. Okay, let’s see.” He wasn’t giving her a chance to speak. “You can be bossy at times. You shut down at anything emotional beyond love with Joshua and Jill. When Jill is flipping out and crying, you get annoyed. You hate huge displays of emotion, you’re very laid back and relaxed. Well, it appears that way, but you’re really protecting yourself and I don’t blame you one bit for that.”
Her hands shot up. “See that’s exactly what I’m saying. You’re seeing what you want, and what you see you explain away and excuse things like you’re fixing me. I’m not perfect, Ephraim and I really wish that you would see that.”
“You drool.”
“What?” That caught her off guard.
“When you’re asleep you drool. I’ve woken up more than a few times with a little puddle forming on my chest.” After a thought he added. “And you snore. Not a delicate snore either mind you.”
“I do not!” Her face colored with indignation.
He sighed heavily as if the knowledge pained him. “Oh, but you do. I’ve even heard Jill talk about it. Did you know that’s the main reason she was happy about her room. Actually, she and Joshua thanked your Grandmother for putting you at the other end of the house, something about finally getting a decent night’s sleep. They compared your snore to a chainsaw. I can see why they’d say that.”
“You’re lying!”
He chuckled as he attached his holster and badge to his belt. “No, ‘fraid not, sweetheart. Also, you pout when you’re hungry. Your cute little bottom lip sticks up and you get a frown between your brows right there.” He touched the spot with his finger.
She swatted his hand away. “I do not!”
“When you think no one’s around and you’re drinking soda.” She didn’t think it was possible, but she felt the blush on her face deepen. “You hold little burping contests.”
“How-“
He tapped his ear. “I can hear everything and I can tune things out if I choose.”
She dropped her gaze. “One of my mother’s old boyfriends taught me how when I was little as a way to relax. It helps with my stress just to focus on doing something silly and stupid.”
“You’re quite good at it,” he commented.