Launching myself at him, I began to slap his face and chest while my legs kicked him as hard as I could. “Dammit, Alexandra, what the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded, as he deflected some of my hits.
“What’s wrong with me? Do you have any idea what the last two days have been like for me?” When he didn’t respond, I grabbed the sides of his face and screamed, “A living hell! A hell where the man I’d loved was ripped from me and I was left to pick up the pieces!”
“I’m so sorry.”
A hysterical laugh bubbled from my lips as I teetered precariously close to losing the fragile thread of sanity I had left. “That’s all you can say is you’re sorry? Well, fuck you, and fuck your bullshit apologies.”
Shoving him aside, I hopped down from the counter and stalked into the bedroom. I got halfway to the door that led out onto the balcony when Deacon grabbed my arm and jerked me back against him. My eyelids snapped shut as I momentarily allowed myself to enjoy being in his arms again, savoring the smell of his musky scent.
When I recovered, I thrashed against him, trying to get away. “Would you just listen to me for a second? For Christ’s sake, Alexandra. I didn’t fake my own death to be an asshole. I had my reasons for not coming forward.”
“They must’ve been pretty damn good reasons to hurt your family like you did.”
Deacon winced at my words. “I needed Sigel to think I was dead. After the explosion, as I lay there in the woods, I realized I was a sitting duck. If Sigel would take down my president to draw me out, he would stop at nothing. Dying was the best way to protect my family.”
“Let me go,” I growled through clenched teeth.
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Alex. You know how I feel about you and that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”
I had to get away from him. If I kept listening to him, my resolve would fade, and I would accept his apology. I would understand his reasoning. And I couldn’t do that. If there was anything the last two days had taught me, it was that being involved with Deacon and his world was a hazard to my safety and sanity.
To escape him, I went with a literal knee-jerk reaction to his balls. As he groaned in pain, I pried myself out of his arms. Knowing I needed help, I threw open the balcony door. An ominous boom of thunder met me as I stepped outside. How fitting that a real storm was brewing as I found myself in my own emotional one. Leaning against the railing, I gazed down on the yard. The trees and bushes were so thick around the balcony, along with it being so dark, that it was hard to see.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Glancing at Deacon over my shoulder, I replied, “Archer’s somewhere outside. I’m going to scream until he comes, so he can throw you out!”
“I told Archer to hang back and give us some privacy for the night. Then I’ll go back to the compound tomorrow and explain everything to my family. I want you to come with me.”
I shook my head. “After what I’ve been through, I’m not going anywhere with you. Not now, not ever again.”
Deacon’s dark eyes narrowed at me. “I’m willing to overlook that little stunt you just pulled because of how hurt you are. But hear me when I say this. Quit fucking playing, Alex.”
“I can assure you that I’m not playing. I’ve not been playing for the last two days as I wept over you and what we had lost. I won’t put myself through that ever again. I may love you, but I’ve got to love myself and my sanity more.”
Jagged bolts of lightning sliced across the night sky, illuminating Deacon’s face in the dark. He wore an expression of pure rage, but something else also flashed in his eyes.
Lust.
Shrinking back against the railing, I tried to come up with the best means of escaping him. But before I could try to run, he jerked me against him. “You’re not going anywhere, Alex, so get that fucking look out of your eyes.”
Once again, I found myself trapped in his strong arms. In a futile attempt, I tried shrugging away. When I dared to look up at him, his gaze burned into me, practically singeing my flesh. My traitorous body came alive under his stare, causing an ache between my legs. “Don’t, Deacon. I don’t want you.”
“Yeah, you do.”
Jerking my chin up at him, I spat, “I don’t fuck people I hate.”
“You don’t hate me. You just said two seconds ago that you loved me.”
He momentarily lessened his hold on me. His hands came to the lapels of my robe, jerking it open. He tore the silk fabric down my arms to let the material pool at my feet. As he stared at me naked before him, desire blazed in his eyes as white-hot as the lightning above us.
“I would die a thousand deaths just to get to see you like this. Just to have another chance to bury my cock deep inside you.”
Even as his words caused a shudder to run through me, I made an X with my arms over my breasts, tears pooling in my eyes. “If I give myself to you again, I’m lost. I can’t come back from this again. I might as well leap off this balcony.”
Grabbing me around the waist, Deacon pulled me to him. “You’re not giving anything. I’m taking what’s mine.” With one hand, he jerked his belt loose. “You are mine, Alex. Death or hell won’t ever change how I feel about you.” His breath scorched my forehead. “Nothing will ever change how much I love you. You own me—mind, heart, body, and soul.”
Tears spilled over my cheeks at his words. “Deacon,” I moaned before I crashed my lips against his. Dropping my arms, I reached between us to the fly of his jeans. Frantically, I undid the button and zipper before pushing the fabric over his hips. Once his cock was free, Deacon grabbed me by the thighs. He hoisted me up, then impaled me. I cried out at the intense sensation of him filling me. He slowly withdrew before plunging even deeper into me. My nails scoured his back until I felt the blood well beneath them.