“Deacon?” she implored.
“Alex, if you know what is good for you right now, you’ll close your fucking eyes and go to sleep.”
“I just wanted to say thank you.”
“What the hell for?”
“For talking with me tonight. It means a lot.”
While I would never admit it to her, it meant a lot to me, too. The smallest sliver of peace ran through me. Regardless of how small it was, I would gladly take it. “Yeah, whatever,” I grumbled.
Then I allowed myself to fall asleep next to a woman without sex for the first time in my life.
Sunlight streamed across the bed, warming me from beneath the sheets. The moment my eyelids fluttered open, panic set in. Where was I? My eyes frantically spun around the room. And then it all came rushing back to me along with the feeling of a brass band pounding out a rhythm in my aching head. I groaned as the memories of getting drunk off my ass and begging Deacon to stay with me flooded my mind. It also didn’t escape me that I was in just my bra and panties. Of course, I was glad to remember that it had been me who’d taken my clothes off and not Deacon.
Holy shit. I’d slept with Deacon.
Glancing over, I found the bed empty. For some reason, it bothered me more than it should have. When I rolled over, I felt the indentation Deacon had made in the bed. I guess he really had stayed just until I’d fallen asleep.
When I thought of what I’d told him and what he’d told me, I flopped onto my back and rubbed my head. I’d never imagined he would be so open and honest with me. Even though he’d done it kicking and screaming, it meant so much to me. I don’t know what it was within me that needed for him to entrust something so dark to me. Even though he wouldn’t acknowledge it, I could see him so much better than he could have ever imagined. He had locked himself down so tight emotionally that the only way he could fully accept and love Willow would be to let go of the ghosts of the past and the pain they still inflicted on him.
While I should have been horrified that he had murdered his father, I wasn’t. After the lifetime of hell he had faced, coupled with his mother’s death, he had been justified in doing what he did. I didn’t know what it said about me as a person that I could overlook something so terrible in his past. Maybe it was what I had been through myself.
A knock came at the door. “Yes?” I called, pulling the covers up to my neck.
Deacon appeared with a cup of coffee and something wrapped in a napkin. “Mama Beth sent this to you.”
Sitting up in the bed, I reached for the goodies. After setting the coffee down on the nightstand, I unwrapped the napkin. “Oh, a homemade biscuit. I haven’t had one of these in years.”
My heartbeat thrummed wildly at the genuine smile that stretched across his face. I so rarely got to see this type of smile—one that didn’t hide sarcasm or a teasing remark. “She thought you might like it.”
“I hope she didn’t go to all this trouble just for me.”
“Nah. She makes a big breakfast for us every morning.”
“Where’s Willow?” I asked after taking a sip of scorching-hot coffee.
“Back at the house. I didn’t think it would be a good idea to let her know you were here.”
I nodded as I chewed carefully on the biscuit, not wanting to overload my alcohol-soaked stomach. “She’d ask too many questions.”
“Yeah.” He cocked his brows at me. “Kinda like her teacher.”
A nervous laugh bubbled from my lips. “Yeah, I suppose so.”
Neither one of us appeared to be able to mention what had happened last night. Deacon cleared his throat. “Just so you know, your car is outside.”
“It is?”
Deacon nodded. “New alternator was all it needed.”
“Are you sure I don’t owe you anything?”
“Nope. It’s all taken care of.”
“Thank you.”
“Keys are in the ignition. I know you gotta get going to get to work on time.”
Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, I saw it was six thirty. “Shit. I do.” Just when I thought of flinging the covers back and hopping out of bed, I realized I was half naked.
As if he sensed my panic, Deacon started for the door. “Yeah, so, I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“Yes. And thanks again for my car.”
“You’re welcome.” He opened the door and then closed it again. Glancing at me over his shoulder, he said, “I trust that what was said in here last night will stay just between the two of us?”
“Of course.”
“Good,” he murmured. Then he slipped out the door without a good-bye.
There wasn’t a chance I would ever share with anyone what Deacon had told me last night. We had both been extremely vulnerable in revealing the wounds of our past. Considering the shame and immense sadness I still carried with me about my own dark period in my life, I could never betray his trust, just as I wouldn’t want him to betray mine.
In the end, it was a relief for me to unburden myself. For reasons I didn’t understand, it made me no longer feel so alone.
That Sunday found me miles away from Deacon’s world. A smile played at my lips when I thought of what Deacon would say about my surroundings. He would classify me sitting in the driveway of the two-story, cookie-cutter Colonial house on an upscale street as being in my white-bread world. He was probably right, considering it was worlds away from the Raiders compound.
Riding shotgun up front with me was my black Lab, Atticus. His wet nose nudged against my arm to hurry me along out of the car. He appreciated Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Joy’s house as much as I did. Part of the reason was he was from a litter that came from Mahalia, Uncle Jimmy’s prized bird dog. I guess it was like coming back home for him, just like it was for me.