I love you, Kiera. So much. Let me show you how much, in the only way I know how.
Holding her tight to my body, I sank us to our knees. As soon as we were steady on the floor, Kiera started attacking me, ripping clothes off my body. My chest was bare in seconds. Her fingers drifted across my body, over my nipples, along my ribs, tracing the deep lines that led all the way down to my groin. God, I wanted her hand wrapped around me. I wanted those soft, firm fingers to squeeze me, stroke me. Please…touch me.
A deep groan broke free from my lips, then I sucked in a quick breath. I felt like my head was spinning, like I was drunk, dizzy, overwhelmed. I’d never needed anyone so much in my life. Kiera let out an impassioned moan when I dropped my mouth to her neck. I trailed kisses across her sensitive skin while I slipped her jacket off her shoulders. She started squirming in impatience when I unbuttoned her shirt.
Even though I was doing it as quickly as I could, it wasn’t fast enough for her. She ripped her shirt off and I caressed her with my eyes. God, she was perfect. Shapely, seductive, sexy as hell. I ran my palm down her skin, over her breast, down to her waist. A loud, arousing exhale broke the stillness of the air. It sent shock waves straight down my fully erect cock. Yes…
I ran my hand back up her skin, teasing her nipple underneath her bra. She arched into me, sought my mouth again. God, I bet she was so wet…for me…
Reaching out, I lowered her to the ground. We were in the storage area of the espresso stand. Bags of coffee beans on the shelves and along the ground made the entire place smell like our favorite morning drink. Something we shared almost every day. It seemed only fitting that we would cave in to our desire for each other here. Our relationship had practically started over coffee.
Once we were resting on the dirty floor, Kiera raked her nails along my back. I moaned my delight. God, yes, that felt good. She pushed my hips away so she could unbutton and unzip my jeans. We were both breathing so hard, I thought we might pass out soon. While her fingers worked, I groaned and inhaled through my teeth. God, yes, please touch me, Kiera. Please.
She shoved my pants down my hips, then just stared at me, straining against my underwear, desperate to be with her. This is all for you…please, touch me.
Then, like she’d heard my silent plea, her fingers trailed down the length of me. I dropped my forehead to hers, gasping. God, yes…more. Her hand curled around me, lightly pushing and pulling. Oh God, yes…I need you. I love you.
My lips pressed against hers, frantic. My hands scrunched up her loose skirt, then I ripped off her underwear. I needed to be inside her. Now. In my ear, she moaned, “Oh, God…please, Kellan…” She wanted me. Me. She loved me. She had to.
I shoved my underwear down, out of the way, then pushed into her. Kiera whimpered as she bit my shoulder. I buried my head in her neck, needing a minute to recover from the wet warmth throbbing around me. Jesus…fuck…so good. You feel so good. This feels so right. I love you so much…
Kiera raised her hips, moving me into her. Waves of pleasure rippled down me, and I pressed hard inside her, needing more. So much more. “Harder,” she groaned. Grabbing her hips, I drove into her again and again. I’d never felt anything like it. The pent-up desire, the sadness, the desperation, the loneliness, the passion, it was all culminating in the best sexual experience I’d ever had. I never wanted it to end, and yet I couldn’t wait to come with her.
“God, Kiera…” I murmured as our bodies rocked together. “God…yes…God, I love you…” I whispered, the sound getting lost in her skin.
She moaned and pulled me tighter. Our movements became faster, deeper, harder. I gripped her tight, knowing I was probably hurting her, but I was too close to exploding to care. Kiera thrashed underneath me, crying out again and again as the pleasure built up to an uncontainable level. Lost in the moment, I cried out too. I’d never felt a climax so strong. Every nerve ending was on fire, tingling, building up with tension that needed releasing. Kiera started moaning in an escalating rhythm. God, yes, please, come for me…come now.
I felt her walls constrict around me as she let out a stuttering cry. Then I felt her nails clawing down my back so hard, my skin felt wet. I inhaled a quick, pain-filled breath. The slight agony mixed with the profound pleasure drove me over the edge. I let out a deep moan and tightened my fingers around Kiera’s thigh as hard as I could while my body exploded in bursts of glorious release.
My hips slowed as the euphoria lessened. For a few seconds, I felt nothing but peaceful satisfaction. I loved her. She loved me. We’d made love to each other, and it had been better than anything I’d ever felt before. I wanted to curl up in her arms, feel her stroke my hair, whisper that I loved her and that I’d never leave her. I’d stay here with her, because this was where my heart was. She was my heart.
Then I felt Kiera start to cry. No, not cry. She was sobbing. Pain-filled, remorseful sobs that screamed Why did I just do that?
My happiness disintegrated as I pulled back from her. I fixed my clothes, then sat back on my heels. Grabbing my shirt, I held it in my hands since I couldn’t put it on yet. My back was bloody, I could feel it. She’d cut me with how badly she’d wanted me, and now she looked like she might vomit. I’d just had the most profound physical connection that I’d ever had with someone, and she looked like she was going to throw up. Because…she didn’t love me. This was a mistake. Again. All I would ever be to her was a mistake. Fuck. I’d told her I loved her, and she looked like her world had just ended.
While Kiera put her underwear back on, my body shook with a cold that had nothing to do with the temperature. She dressed herself one-handed while she used her other hand to clamp her mouth shut, like if she let go, she’d immediately get sick. Anger brewed within me as I watched her put her shirt back on. God, was I so disgusting to her? Was what we’d done so repulsive?
When she was dressed, she sniffled and said my name. “Kellan…?”
I hadn’t moved, hadn’t helped her, hadn’t lifted my gaze from the floor. I couldn’t. I was shocked by her reaction. And angry. She’d duped me again. I looked up when she said my name. My eyes were wet, but I didn’t care. I’d risked everything for her…my friendship with Denny, my sanity. I’d put it all on the line, because I’d believed I’d actually found someone in this world who cared about me. And here she was, devastated. She didn’t care. She still didn’t care, not like I needed her to. It killed me that I’d betrayed Denny again, for nothing. I should have gotten in my car and driven away. I could have been out of the city by now. That had been my plan; why hadn’t I stuck to it?
“I tried to do the right thing. Why couldn’t you just let me leave?” Why aren’t I strong enough to walk away? Why am I so fucking selfish? Why am I still in love with her?
She started crying again. Grabbing her jacket, she stood and prepared to leave. I stared at the floor again, wishing I could crawl through it. I wanted nothing more than to disappear. Suddenly, I heard Kiera gasp. She made a move toward me, and I understood why; I could feel the blood dripping down my back. She’d just realized what she’d done to me. Yes, Kiera. You tore me, so much deeper than you realize.
Not looking up, I told her, “Don’t. Just go. Denny has probably noticed your absence by now.” And he’s the one you want to be with, right? I don’t need your sympathy. I need your love. But that, you’ll never give me.
Kiera turned and fled the stand, and then I was alone. Again.
Chapter 13
Stay or Go?
I stayed in that espresso stand for what felt like hours. I heard people come and go, and had to assume that one of the cars leaving the lot had Kiera and Denny inside it. My skin stung as my shirt brushed against my cuts when I put it back on, but I welcomed the pain. It was a reminder that I was an idiot. I deserved to have my heart bashed in. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
As I walked to my car, I recalled the moments before Kiera and I had caved. She’d begged me to stay. The first girl in my life who’d asked me to stick around. The first person ever. Even my own parents had never asked me to come back when I’d run away. No, instead they’d sold the house, moved, and tossed all my shit. They’d thrown me away, and that was what I expected from everyone else. But Kiera…she’d cried for me. Sobbed. Her tears had been genuine…she couldn’t fake emotion like that.
I stumbled to my car, disoriented by my conflicting thoughts. I hated her. I loved her. She didn’t give a shit about me. She cared so much, she’d cried. Okay…so what the fuck do I do with all of that? And did any of it matter? She was still Denny’s girl. He’d still been the one to take her home. He’d won, and a part of me wanted it that way; after what I’d done behind his back, he deserved to have it all—the career and the girl.
Climbing inside my car, I started it, then pulled out of the parking lot. I wasn’t sure where to go. My options were endless, but the results were all the same. Anywhere I took off to, I would be completely alone. That really only left one option.
A set of watery hazel eyes filled my vision. Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me. She’d begged for me to stay. She’d given herself to me, even though Denny had been less than a hundred yards away. That had to mean something…and I would never know what if I left. She might very well be the first person to ever have feelings for me. She might just be confused, because she had feelings for Denny too. We’d had a real moment together tonight. We’d spoken real emotions, real fears. She wasn’t playing me, she wasn’t faking. She wasn’t a whore or a bitch. She was confused, hurting, and scared…just like me.