“Don’t be mad at your dad,” says Eli. “He’s wanted to tell you the truth since the beginning, but it was me and your mom that wouldn’t let him.”
I tear the tissue into smaller pieces. “But he still could’ve told me.”
“It was the terms of the adoption,” Eli says. “I agreed to give up my parental rights as long as your dad kept it quiet. He gave me and your mom his word that he’d never tell you. That’s how bad he wanted you in his life. That’s how I knew you were in good hands.”
My eyesight flickers between Eli and Dad. Pain wells up in me again. I care for them both. Otherwise I wouldn’t be so mad, I wouldn’t be so hurt.
Dad shoves his hands into the pockets of his khakis. “I didn’t only fall in love with your mom. I fell in love with you, too. Your mom was willing to walk away if I didn’t agree. I’m sorry you were hurt, but I’m not sorry for making the decision that kept both of you in my life.”
“I’m not sorry, either,” I whisper.
It’s all messed up. It’s all muddled, but if it hadn’t happened, he would have never been my father. And as much as I’m heartbroken at what I’ve lost with Olivia and Eli, I’m not at all sad that the man standing beside me now is my dad.
The world is made of multiple pieces. All of them moving alongside each other, sometimes never touching. Coexisting, yet not. How many of us live our entire lives inside a single bubble? Maneuvering in what we believe is a forward direction when it’s only in a circle among the same type of people.
My mother, my father and Eli lied. For whatever reason, they lied, and typically in my eyes, that’s a cringeworthy offense. But maybe the world isn’t so black-and-white. Maybe there’s room for shades of gray.
Without what has happened, there’s no doubt I would have stayed in the same bubble I was raised in and I’m not just talking about remaining in Florida. I never would have experienced anything new in life.
I take in the two men watching me, the two men waiting for my forgiveness. Eli and my father couldn’t be more different. Blond hair to dark brown. Blue eyes to near black. Medical school to a GED. Shirt and tie to blue jeans and a black leather vest.
But there’s so much they have in common. Both are hardworking, both intelligent in their own ways, both leaders within their communities and, more important, they both love me and I love them in return.
“What happens now?” I ask.
“You go home,” Eli says. “You were here longer than either your dad or I expected.”
I tangle the ends of my hair around my fingers. “And then what?”
“Life returns to normal,” answers Dad. “Your mom and I are ready for that.”
Per the club’s request, Mom stayed in Florida. Everything between the Riot and the Terror is in flux and they didn’t want another fireworks show if my mother made another appearance in Louisville.
And then I overheard a phone conversation between Dad and Mom. As much as she wanted to support me, she didn’t want to come to Kentucky. As she told my father, she left Kentucky behind years ago and she preferred to keep the distance. I saw the relief on Dad’s face—it was her way of saying she was still choosing him.
I peer over to Eli. “What happens to you and me?”
“You know how much I love shopping.”
I laugh and his eyes flash with amusement.
I bite my bottom lip and inhale deeply. I long for more than once a year. “That’s not good enough.”
Courage in going against my mother and father has always eluded me, but that was before all of this. If my dad can love and choose me through this chaos then he can still love me if I disagree. “I want to see Eli more than that.”
Dad and Eli do that thing where they look at each other again and I slice my hand in the air. “Nope, you guys don’t get to make these decisions anymore. I’m not asking if you are okay with this. I’m telling you.”
Eli scratches his jaw in that way that hides a smirk and my father folds his hands together and leans forward.
“What if I said you’re safer with things going back to how they were?” Eli asks.
“I’d tell you that it’s not your choice and that you aren’t the center of the universe.”
Dad laughs. Eli releases that grin that always makes me smile. “She really is her mother, isn’t she?”
“One hundred percent,” Dad answers with appreciation spelled out on his face.
Not true. “I’m also a little bit of both of you.”
Their smiles fade and it’s there in their eyes, the desperation that’s aching within me. They want to belong to me as badly as I crave to belong to both of them.
Eli readjusts in his seat and clears his throat. “Does this have to do with Oz?”
My cheeks flare red-hot and I can barely peek at my father, who is currently not blinking. “It helps, but there’s more to Snowflake than you or him. There’s Olivia and Cyrus and Violet and I have a cousin...”
I meet Dad’s gaze now. “Chevy’s strange, but he’s a cousin, and I think I’d like to get to know him. I think there’s a lot of people here I’d like to get to know.” My eyes drift over to Eli. “Some I’d like to get to know a lot better than I already do, plus my driving still needs some serious help.”
“Ignition, gas, brake,” teases Eli. “It’s not that complicated.”
“Says you.”
“Hey, you were able to drive when it counted.” Eli rubs the area where he took a bullet...for me. A bullet that secured my future away from my mother’s psychotic family.
“It’s your call, Jeff. Yours and Meg’s. I still want her to go home.”
I open my mouth to protest, but Eli strikes me with a glare that informs me that speaking in this moment is not an option. “There’s been too much chaos here, Emily. A lot of agreements have been made, but the dust needs to settle before I can be sure it’s solid. I love that you want to be a part of this family, but your safety is still the priority.”
Dad massages the back of his neck and I venture to continue with him. “If I need to go home now, that’s fine, but I want to come back here, and if people from Snowflake happen to wander to Florida, I’d like the chance to see them. I’m not asking for your permission, but I am asking for your blessing.”
“This is going to scare your mom,” Dad says.