“Tonight’s about you.” Razor raises his beer and the four of us clink glasses. I’m a brother now. My dream come true. The only one missing is Chevy, but in a year he’ll be beside me. He’ll complete this circle.
Following tradition, the three of them shake their unopened beers and I pop off the cap of mine.
“Let’s go, boy,” my dad says.
I chug as the rest of them open theirs and spray me with the contents. There’s beer up my nose, dripping down my hair as I swallow the last gulp. When I finish, the four of us throw our beers into the fire. Glass shatters and little bursts of flames appear from the alcohol.
More whistles and shouts. Another beer in my hand. An arm around my neck and I’m led into the clubhouse. The music is deafening. Topless girls dance on the bar. The building is wall-to-wall people. A commotion of sights, colors and sounds. The stench of beer, body odor and sex hangs in the air.
I hesitate before walking all the way inside. A glance over my shoulder and the light turns off in Emily’s room. Two prospects stand guard near the front door of the cabin. Tonight’s a test. A test to confirm that Emily’s safe.
Eli’s chatting with a brother from another chapter and I reach past two people and grab his arm. “Are you sure Emily’s good?”
Eli shoves past the people and wraps his hand around my neck, leaning me into him. “Your job is done. You enjoy tonight and you let me worry about Emily. Welcome to the brotherhood, Oz.”
He kisses my cheek and I quickly lose sight of him in the crowd. I look back at the house again. Arms around my waist and Pigpen has me in the air. The entire world moves and I take a deep breath, trusting Eli and the club with protecting what I love.
Emily
I SIT ON the window seat in my room and read the text sent from my father:
I’m flying to Kentucky tomorrow. We miss you and it’s time to come home.
Home. I miss home. I won’t say that I don’t. I miss air-conditioning and my mother’s laugh. I miss the easiness of conversation with my father and how Mom checks on me at night before she turns in herself. I miss uncomplicated and I miss Trisha and I miss the quiet flow of the world several hundred miles south of here.
But there’s an emptiness at the thought of returning. Olivia is dying. I’m in love with Oz. Eli is a man who taught me how to drive. He’s also a man who has seventeen stars tattooed on his arm for me. I came here one person and I’m leaving here changed.
Changed.
It’s extremely disorienting. I came here Emily Catherine and I’m leaving here Emily Star and I don’t know how to reconcile the two worlds.
Me: I want to stay. For a little bit longer. There are pieces I still need to figure out.
My finger hovers over Send. Things that I need to figure out, like how Oz and I will maintain a long-distance relationship. Like if there’s a chance that Olivia will live. Like why Eli gave me up. Like why my mother ran from a place that is so freaking weird and complicated and just as strangely fantastic.
I need to know why, but how do I explain that to Dad? How do I explain it without hurting his feelings?
“You look like someone ran over your puppy.” Violet walks into my room and my heart jumps with the adrenaline rush.
“I thought no one was allowed in the house.” Except Olivia, but she’s somewhere in the massive crowd celebrating with Oz. From the silence of the crowd that surrounded the bonfire and then the rally of cheers, I assume that Oz patched in.
My foot kicks at the floor. I didn’t see Oz patch in. Violet is right. It’s a boys’ club and the rules are not in my favor.
Violet regards the foot I toddler-reacted with then settles onto the window seat beside me. “I came in through the back.”
“Eli said they locked it.”
She shrugs and then with a twitch of her hand produces a key. I grab it from her. “That was supercool. You never told me you can do magic.”
“I can’t,” she says. “But Chevy can. He taught me a few things, but that’s the only trick I can get somewhat right. He has a knack for sleight of hand.”
We had dinner together: me, Chevy, Oz, Violet, Razor and Stone. Oz and Razor carried the conversation by telling us stories of how they learned to ride a motorcycle. Both Violet and Chevy stared at their plates like someone had stolen a portion of their soul then set it on fire.
Chevy departed a while ago with a girl with bad blue hair. Violet left shortly afterward.
“Can I ask you something?” she says.
“You can ask me anything.”
Violet plays with the ends of her hair as if she’s searching for split ends. “Will you take me with you when you leave?”
I laugh and then it morphs into an awkward fading giggle as I realize she’s serious.
“I have some money saved so I can buy a plane ticket for me and Brandon, and I guess I forgot to mention that we’re taking Brandon with us, but I researched it online and I have enough to pay for the tickets. You said you have a spare bedroom and Brandon and I can totally take that. We already share a room now and I can guarantee the room in your house will be bigger. We don’t eat much. Actually Brandon does, but I don’t and I’ll get a job so then I’ll be able to cover the cost of food and...”
She’s continuing in a ramble. In a way Violet has never done before. She’s always so sure and so confident and she’s never avoided eye contact in the entire time I’ve known her.
My mouth is hanging open and finally I discover my voice. “Why?”
Violet blinks. “Why what?”
“Why would you want to leave here?”
“Are you serious? Do you not see what’s going on outside? How they’re acting? How they’re behaving? Those people are constantly inserting themselves into my business and I am over it. I can’t get anyone at school or in town to take me seriously because my father was a part of the Reign of Terror. He’s not even here anymore and I still can’t get them out of my life!”
From my cracked-open window, the sound of men’s laughter drifts in and so do the shouts, the occasional curse, the rumble of motorcycles coming and going and the loud, angry music.
Two months ago, all of this would have terrified me, but now I look out and see Pigpen laughing with a bunch of guys. I see Olivia with Cyrus near the bonfire. I know that Eli and Oz are somewhere inside the clubhouse.
“Is it that bad here?” I point then relax my toes. “I mean, yeah, they’re sort of crazy, but they seem to care for one another.”