He nods, swallowing hard.
“Did you…” I shift my weight so that I’m facing him. “Did your mom hurt you?”
“No, it was nothing like that.”
I think about asking him if it was the guy he dated. When he briefly talked about him while we were at the Red Ink, I got the sense something bad happened between the two of them.
Before I can say anything, he sits up straight and says, “Can we drop it, please? I’d rather do anything else than talk about my depressing life.”
I don’t want to drop it at all. I want to find out who hurt him. Find out what’s causing all that pain in his eyes right now. But I don’t think pushing him is going to help.
“What movie do you want to watch?” I set my ice cream down. “Any one you want, I’ll watch.”
“I’m actually not really in the mood to watch a movie anymore,” he mumbles, staring at the window just over my shoulder.
Figuring he means he wants to go back to his dorm, I start to get to my feet, even though I’m not ready for him to go. “Okay, I’ll walk you.”
“Greyson, that’s not what I meant.” Without warning, his fingers wrap around my arm and he pulls me straight down to his mouth.
I worry the kiss might be a distraction from whatever he’s running from, but I get too lost in the feel of his lips to stop it. I kiss him back, our tongues tangling as he grips at my arms. My muscles flex under his hands and he constricts his grasp.
We kiss and kiss and kiss, just like I’ve imagined doing tons of times. Somehow, we end up lying on the floor, a mess of tangled arms and legs. I only move back to reach around and tug my shirt over my head. He follows my lead and peels his off, too.
My fingers travel over his lean muscles as he slips his hand across my abs. They tauten as his fingers start to drift downward to the button of my jeans. I realize where this is heading, but I’m not sure I want to go there yet. In the past, I rushed into the physical aspects of a relationship without really taking the time to get to know someone. I probably know Seth better than I know anyone else, but it still feels like there’s so much more to discover.
“I think…” I’m so wound up that I can barely get the words out. “I think maybe we should…”
“Yeah, we should…” Seth breathes between the kisses, grasping onto me tighter.
At first, I think he’s misunderstanding me, but then he pushes away. He rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, gasping for air. His eyes are huge and flooded with panic as he places a hand on his forehead.
I rotate on my side and prop up on my elbow. “Are you okay?”
His gaze glides to me. “I’m fine, I just… I need to take things a little slower.” He sits up, grabs his shirt, and pulls it on. “Can we watch that movie now… or I can go home if you want. I don’t want to be sitting here, bugging you with my awkwardness.”
I reach for my shirt. “Seth, I think we already established that I’m the awkward one.” When he meets my gaze, I wink at him, trying to alleviate the tension in the air.
His shoulders relax as a laugh slips from his lips. “Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that. Guess I’ll have to settle for second best, then.”
“Guess so.” I slip my shirt over my head, grab a movie from the shelf, and pull him up. “I know you said you weren’t in the mood, but I promise this is a good one.”
When he gets to his feet, he plops down on the sofa. “I’ll stay for one, but then I should probably head back.”
“Sounds good.” I pop the DVD in and settle on the sofa beside him as the movie clicks on.
Halfway through the movie, Seth dozes off on my shoulder. Instead of waking him up, I grab a blanket from the floor, lie down with him, and wrap my arms around him, simply holding him. I’ve never been in love before, but as the most calming feeling settles over me as I start to fall asleep, I have to wonder if maybe this is it.
Chapter 11
Seth
The next few weeks drift by in a daze of autumn colors and new fall wardrobes. Greyson and I spend a lot of time together, studying and hanging out at his place, but I still haven’t introduced him to Callie, nor have we done anything more than kiss. Crossing that bridge means making a commitment to Greyson, which goes hand-in-hand with opening my heart up to him. I don’t think I’m ready for that, especially when I can’t even hold his hand in public without going into a full-blown anxiety attack.
Even though Greyson insists he’s okay with how things are proceeding, I can tell it bothers him every time I let go of his hand, move back from a kiss, or slide away from him in the seat.
“You look sad… What’s wrong? Is it because you have to go home tomorrow?” Callie asks one day while we’re studying in the library.
Thanksgiving is this week, so most of the campus has cleared out. Everyone is excited to be going home for the holidays. Me, not so much. In fact, I’d stay here, but my mother’s forcing me to go back and suffer through a mind-numbing week of Mapleville gossip and family drama.
I force a cheery smile. “I’m fine. I was just spacing out.”
She chews on the end of her pen while eyeing me perceptively. “Seth, I know you love helping me, but I want to be there for you sometimes, too. It feels good when I’m able to help you and makes me feel like less of a taker.”
“Taker?”
“Yeah, the kind of person that’s always taking and never gives anything in return. You’re always giving, giving, giving, and I’m taking, taking, taking.”
“I like giving stuff to you.” My eyes trail over the shelves and front desk of the quiet library before I shut my textbook and fold my arms on top of it. “But if you really want to know what’s bothering me… It’s Greyson.”
She drops her pen on the table and tucks a strand of her shoulder-length brown hair behind her ear. “Are you mad at him or something?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” I fiddle with the thin leather bracelet around my wrist. “It’s… what happened with Braiden. It’s affecting how I react to Greyson. I know I can trust him, but I can’t seem to let go and be comfortable with who I am when we’re around people.”
She shoves her books aside and rests her elbows on the table. “Have you talked to him about this?”
I trace the thin scars crisscrossing my arm and hand. “No… I haven’t even told him about Braiden.”