When I step out, I actually take the time to style my freshly washed hair and put on a bit of makeup; I pull on a cute pair of red capris pants and white button-down sleeveless shirt.
I feel almost human again.
My bedroom is a shambles. I never unpacked my suitcases when I came home from New Orleans. I quickly do that, throw some dirty clothes into the laundry, vow to burn the clothes I’ve been marinating in over the past two weeks, then bounce down the stairs to find Rhys in the kitchen, making me a list.
“Thanks, dear.”
“You’re welcome.” He grins and checks his list. “I need some things. Don’t get any junk food. We’ve had enough of that to last the rest of the year.”
“Yes, sir.” I give him a mock salute and take his list. “Since when do you eat parsnips?”
“I’m going to put them in smoothies. They’re good for you.”
“What are they?”
“A vegetable, smart ass.”
“I’m getting extra Oreos, just to even it out. Yuck.”
“No junk!”
“Whatever.”
***
“They didn’t have the milk and cookies flavor of ice cream, so I got chocolate chip cookie dough.” These bags are so dang heavy. I seriously need to go to the gym once in a while. “And you can stop judging me right now, Rhys O’Shaughnessy, because I deserve ice cream.” I pile the bags on the kitchen island, let out a sigh of relief, and look right up into the whiskey-colored eyes of Eli Boudreaux.
“Someone came to see you,” Rhys says.
“And you can show him out,” I reply, and turn to rush out of the room. I can’t feel my feet, and I pray I don’t fall on my ass. “I don’t have anything to say to him.”
I can hear their voices, but can’t understand what they’re saying over the rush in my ears. My skin is hot. I can’t breathe.
Damn it! I was doing so much better today.
I walk straight through my bedroom to the balcony that overlooks my backyard. The sun is warm on my shoulders as I lean on the railing and take a deep breath, fighting tears.
Why is he here?
“You’ll get burned out there in the sun, cher.”
I will not turn around. But, oh, God, the sound of his voice is the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard.
“Look, Kate, I know I should have called you—”
“Why?” I ask without turning around. “Why would you call? The job was done. I came home. There’s nothing to say.”
“There’s a lot to say.”
“You’re right.” I turn now, and will myself to keep myself together until I throw him out on his arse. “There is one thing to say. Fuck you, Eli. All I wanted from you was respect and honesty. To be monogamous until I left. And you couldn’t even do that. So, fuck you. Now, please leave.”
“I didn’t fuck anyone!” he exclaims with frustration. “Declan told me what you saw the morning you left, but she wasn’t with me, Kate. I didn’t go home that night at all. I haven’t been home since I left you that night.”
“Wait. What?” He advances, but I flinch, so he stops abruptly and shoves his hands in his pockets.
“I haven’t been with Cindy, or anyone else, since the minute I met you. I have no idea what she was doing at my townhouse that morning.”
“Why haven’t you been home?” I whisper.
“Because you aren’t there,” he replies, almost reluctantly. “And I miss you.”
“Look, thanks for clearing that up for me, Eli, but you didn’t have to come all this way to tell me that. You could have just sent me an email.”
“I’m in love with you,” he says, his face intense, jaw ticking. He looks nervous. Unsure of himself.
And that kills me, because Eli is the most self-assured person I’ve ever met.
“Excuse me?”
“Fuck it,” he whispers and takes me in his arms, clutching me to him almost desperately. His nose is in my hair, breathing deeply, his hands rubbing up and down my back.
And I’m not hugging him back. Not yet.
“I remembered something,” he murmurs. “Remember when I told you about what my dad said to me when he was dying?”
I nod, and can’t help but take a breath, inhaling Eli’s strong, spicy scent. God, how I’ve missed him. My hands grip onto his arms as he continues.
“All I’ve focused on was the disappointment in his eyes, his voice. The bad things he said that day, and I’ve done everything in my power to make sure that he would be proud of me now.”
He grips my shoulders and pushes me away, looking me in the eye.
“But something Declan said reminded me of what Dad said about what’s important. That the love of one good woman is worth more than all the casual sex put together. That what matters is being in love, having a family.
“Kate, I thought I didn’t deserve you because I work so hard to make Bayou Industries something my dad would be proud of, and I thought that in doing that, you’d always take the backseat to my career. But that’s bullshit. I can have both. My parents did it effortlessly, because they made each other the priority.”
“What are you saying?” I ask breathlessly.
“I’m saying,” he says and swallows hard, “that you mean the world to me. I’ve been looking for you my whole damn life. I’m uninterested in a life without you. Not having you with me over the past few weeks has been a hell I don’t wish on anyone.”
“You hurt me,” I whisper, as tears roll unnoticed down my cheeks. He sweeps them away with his thumbs.
“I hurt both of us,” he replies softly. “I fell into such an easy love with you, I didn’t even realize it was happening, until one day, it was everything.”
“You don’t do love,” I reply.
“I didn’t,” he agrees with a half-smile. “But you made the man who was incapable of love fall in love with you.”
I frown and tilt my head. “You said that to me in the hospital.”
He nods solemnly.
“Eli, I don’t know if I can do marriage and forever with anyone again. I don’t know if I have that in me.”
“Oh, baby.” He kisses my forehead and hugs me to him again. “You do. But we can take this one day at a time. As long as you’re with me, every day, nothing else matters, cher. We don’t have to jump into anything.”