"Good. Because there are lots of things I want to do."
I slid my hands up and around his neck. His skin was warm beneath my fingers, and I remembered how much I'd enjoyed kissing him last night.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, he said, "You really are his student."
"Whose?"
"Belikov's. I was just thinking about when you mentioned needing more information and stuff. You act just like him. You've gotten all serious since you've been hanging out with him."
"No, I haven't."
Mason had pulled me closer, but now I suddenly didn't feel so romantic. I'd wanted to make out and forget Dimitri for a while, not have a conversation about him. Where had this come from? Mason was supposed to be distracting me.
He didn't notice anything was wrong. "You've just changed, that's all. It's not bad ... just different."
Something about that made me angry, but before I could snap back, his mouth met mine in a kiss. Reasonable discussions sort of vanished. A bit of that dark temper started to rise in me, but I simply channeled that intensity into physicality as Mason and I fell on top of each other. I yanked him down on the bed, managing to do so without stopping the kissing. I was nothing if not a multitasker. I dug my nails into his back while his hands slid up the back of my neck and released the ponytail I'd just made minutes ago. Running his fingers through the unbound hair, he shifted his mouth down and kissed my neck.
"You are ... amazing," he told me. And I could tell that he meant it. His whole face glowed with affection for me.
I arched upward, letting his lips press harder against my skin while his hands slipped under the bottom of my shirt. They trailed upward along my stomach, just barely tracing the edge of my bra.
Considering we'd just been having an argument a minute ago, I was surprised to see things escalating so quickly. Honestly, though ... I didn't mind. This was the way I lived my life. Everything was always fast and intense with me. The night Dimitri and I had fallen victim to Victor Dashkov's lust charm, there'd been some pretty furious passion going on too. Dimitri had controlled it, though, so sometimes we'd taken things slowly...and that had been wonderful in its own way. But most of the time, we hadn't been able to hold ourselves back. I could feel it all over again. The ways his hands had run over my body. The deep, powerful kisses.
It was then that I realized something.
I was kissing Mason, but in my head, I was with Dimitri. And it wasn't like I was simply remembering either. I was actually imagining I was with Dimitri- right now- reliving that night all over again. With my eyes closed, it was easy to pretend.
But when I opened them and saw Mason's eyes, I knew he was with me. He adored me and had wanted me for a long time. For me to do this ... to be with him and pretend I was with someone else ...
It wasn't right.
I wiggled out of his reach. "No ... don't."
Mason stopped immediately because that's the kind of guy he was.
"Too much?" he asked. I nodded. "That's okay. We don't have to do that."
He reached for me again, and I moved farther away. "No, I just don't... I don't know. Let's call it quits, okay?"
"I..." He was speechless for a moment. "What happened to the 'lots of things' you wanted to do?"
Yeah ... it looked pretty bad, but what could I say? I can't get physical with you because when I do, I just think about the other guy I actually want. You're just a stand-in.
I swallowed, feeling stupid. "I'm sorry, Mase. I just can't."
He sat up and ran a hand over his hair. "Okay. All right."
I could hear the hardness in his voice. "You're mad."
He glanced over at me, a stormy expression on his face. "I'm just confused. I can't read your signals. One moment you're hot, the next you're cold. You tell me you want me, you tell me you don't. If you picked one, that'd be fine, but you keep making me think one thing and then you end up going in a completely different direction. Not just now- all the time."
It was true. I had gone back and forth with him. Sometimes I was flirty, other times I completely ignored him.
"Is there something you want me to do?" he asked when I didn't say anything. "Something that'll... I don't know. Make you feel better about me?"
"I don't know," I said weakly.
He sighed. "Then what do you want in general?"
Dimitri, I thought. Instead, I repeated myself. "I don't know."
With a groan, he stood up and headed for the door. "Rose, for someone who claims she wants to gather as much information as possible, you really have a lot to learn about yourself."
The door slammed behind him. The noise made me flinch, and as I stared at where Mason had just stood, I realized he was right. I did have a lot to learn.
Sixteen
LISSA FOUND ME LATER IN the day. I'd fallen asleep after Mason left, too dejected to leave the bed. Her slamming of the door jolted me awake.
I was happy to see her. I needed to spill about the fumbled thing with Mason, but before I could, I read her feelings. They were as troubled as mine. So, as always, I put her first.
"What happened?"
She sat on her bed, sinking into the feather duvet, her feelings both furious and sad. "Christian."
"Really?" I'd never known them to fight. They teased each other a lot, but it was hardly the kind of thing that could nearly bring her to tears.
"He found out... I was with Adrian this morning."
"Oh, wow," I said. "Yeah. That might be a problem." Standing up, I walked over to the dresser and found my brush. Wincing, I stood in front of the gilt-framed mirror and began brushing out the snarls acquired during my nap.
She groaned. "But nothing happened! Christian's freaking out over nothing. I can't believe he doesn't trust me."
"He trusts you. The whole thing's just weird, that's all." I thought about Dimitri and Tasha. "Jealousy makes people do and say stupid things."
"But nothing happened," she repeated. "I mean, you were there and- hey, I never found out. What were you doing there?"
"Adrian sent me a bunch of perfume."
"He- you mean that giant box you were carrying?"
I nodded.
"Whoa."
"Yeah. I came to return it," I said. "The question is, what were you doing there?"
"Just talking," she said. She started to light up, on the verge of telling me something, but then she paused. I felt the thought almost reach the front of her mind and then get shoved back. "I've got a lot to tell you, but first tell me what's up with you."