"That's right, I am." It sounded petulant even to me. I settled the submachine gun beside me on the floor with the coat. I breathed in the coffee, black and thick. Sometimes I added cream and sugar, but for the first cup of the day, black would do.
"Jamil's been filling us in," Louie said. "Did you and Richard actually raise power in the middle of the Circus?"
I took a sip of coffee before answering. "Apparently."
"There is no equivalent among the wererats for the wolves' lupa, but is it common to be able to call power like that?"
Ronnie was glancing back and forth from one to the other of us. Her eyes were a little wide. I'd been telling her what was happening in my life. She'd been hanging around with me and the monsters long enough to meet Louie, but it was still a strange new world for her. Sometimes I thought she'd be better off keeping further away from the monsters, but like she'd said, we were both big girls. Sometimes she even carried a gun. She could make her own decisions.
Jamil answered, "I have been a werewolf for over ten years. This is my third pack. I have never even heard of a lupa that could help her Ulfric raise power outside of the lupanar, our place of power. Most lupas can't even do that. Raina was the first I'd met that could call power within the lupanar. She could do small powers without the full moon to boost her power, but nothing like what I felt today."
"Jamil says you helped Richard raise enough power to heal him," Louie said.
I shrugged, carefully so the coffee wouldn't spill. "I helped Richard control his beast. It raised... something. I don't know. Something."
"Richard went into one of his rages, and you helped bring him back?" Louie asked.
I looked at him then. "You've seen him when he loses control?"
He nodded. "Once."
The memory made me shiver. "Once is enough."
"But you helped him control it."
"She did," Jamil said. He sounded pleased.
Louie looked at him and shook his head.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"I've been telling Richard that he won't get better unless he gets you completely out of his system. I thought he had to forget you to heal himself."
"You sound like you've changed your mind," I said.
"If you can help Richard regain control of his beast, then he needs you. I don't care what arrangement you work out, Anita. But if he doesn't do something soon, he's going to end up dead. To stop that from happening, I'd do almost anything."
For the first time I realized that Louie didn't like me anymore. He was Richard's best friend. I guess I couldn't blame him. If he'd dumped Ronnie as badly as I'd dumped Richard, I'd be pissed, too.
"Even encouraging Richard to see me again?" I made it a question.
"Is that what you want?"
I shook my head and wouldn't meet his eyes. "I don't know. We're bound to each other for eternity. That's a long time to bitch at each other."
Richard appeared in the doorway. "A very long time," he said, "to watch you in his arms." He didn't sound bitter then. He sounded tired. His thick hair and muscular upper body were covered in fine white dust. Even his jeans were coated. He looked like something out of a p**n o movie where the handy-man consoles the lonely housewife. He walked over to stand in front of the roses. "Forever to see white roses with your name on them." He touched the single red rose, and smiled. "Nicely symbolic." His hand closed around the crimson flower; when he opened his hand, red petals scattered across the table. A drop of blood fell to the pale table top. He'd found a thorn.
Ronnie's eyes were wide, staring at the ruined rose. She glanced at me, eyebrows raised, but I didn't even know what expression to give her in return. "That was childish," I said.
Richard turned to me, hand stretched out towards me. "Too bad our other third isn't here to lick the blood off."
I felt an unpleasant smile curl my lips, and spoke before I could stop myself, or maybe I was just tired of trying. "There are at least three people in this room that would love to lick the blood off your skin, Richard. I'm not one of them."
He balled his hand into a fist. "You are such a bitch."
"Woof, woof," I said.
Louie stood. "Stop it, both of you."
"I will if he will," I said.
Richard just turned away, speaking without looking at anyone. "We changed the sheets on the bed. But I'm still a mess." He opened his hand. Blood had spread along the lines in his hand like a river following its banks. He turned to me with angry eyes. "Can I use one of the bathrooms to clean up?" He raised the hand slowly to his mouth and licked the blood very slowly, very deliberately, off his skin.
Ronnie made a small sound, almost a gasp. I managed not to faint; I'd seen the show before. "There's a full bath with shower upstairs. Door across the hall from the bedroom."
He put one finger in his mouth in slow motion, like he'd just eaten some finger-lickin' good chicken. His eyes never moved from my face. I was giving my best blank look, empty, nothing. Whatever he wanted from me, blankness was not it.
"What about the fancy tub downstairs?" he asked.
"Help yourself," I said. I sipped coffee, the picture of nonchalance. Edward would have been proud.
"Wouldn't Jean-Claude be upset if I used your precious tub? I know how much you both like water."
Someone had told him that we'd made love in the tub at the Circus. I'd have loved to know who and hurt them. Heat rose up my face; I couldn't stop it.
"A reaction at last," he said.
"You've embarrassed me, happy?"
He nodded. "Yes, yes I am."
"Go take your shower, Richard, or your bath. Light the damn candles, have a ball."
"Are you going to join me?" There was a time when I'd wanted an invitation like that from Richard more than almost anything in the world. The anger in his voice when he said it brought something very close to tears to my eyes. I wasn't exactly crying, but it hurt.
Ronnie stood, and Louie put a hand on her arm. Everyone stood or sat and tried to pretend they weren't witnessing something painfully personal.
A couple of deep breaths and I was okay. I wasn't about to let him see me cry. No way. "I didn't join Jean-Claude in the tub, Richard. He joined me. Maybe if you hadn't been such a frigging boy scout, it'd be you I was with right now and not him."
"Was one good f**k all it would have taken? Was it just that easy for you?"
I pushed to my feet, coffee sloshing down my hand onto the floor. I set the mug on the table, which put me within touching distance of Richard.
Ronnie and Louie had moved back from the table, giving us room. I think they'd have left the room if they had been sure we wouldn't come to blows. Jamil had set his coffee down as if he was getting ready to jump in and save us from ourselves. But it was too late to save us, far too late.
"You bastard," I said. "It took us both to get where we are, Richard."
"Three of us," he said.
"Fine," I said. My eyes were hot, my throat tight. "Maybe one good f**k would have done it. I don't know. Do your high ideals keep you warm at night, Richard? Does your moral high ground make you less lonely?"
He took that last step that put us almost touching. His anger flowed over me like an electric current. "You cheated on me, but you have him in your bed, and I have no one."
"Then find someone, Richard, find anyone, but let it go. Let it the f**k go."
He stepped back so abruptly, it made me sway. He left the room striding, his rage trailing after him like the smell of disturbing perfume.
I stood there for a second, then said, "Get out, everyone out."
The men left, but Ronnie stayed. I wouldn't have cried, honest, but she touched my shoulders, hugged me from behind, and whispered, "I'm so sorry." I could have withstood anything except sympathy.
I cried with my hands covering my face, still hiding, still hiding.
32
The doorbell rang. I moved as if to answer it, but Ronnie said, "Let someone else get it."
Zane called from the living room. "I'll get it." Which made me wonder where Jamil and Louie were. Comforting Richard, maybe?
I pushed away from Ronnie, scrubbing at my face. "Who could it be out here? We're in the middle of nowhere."
Jamil and Louie were suddenly back in the room. Either they'd heard me, or they were just as suspicious as I was. I picked the machine gun off the floor and stood in the doorway with the gun held at my left side, out of sight. The Firestar was in my right hand, also out of sight. Louie and Jamil moved into the living room to either side.