Her beautiful stare lingered on his face. "I think I knew. I saw the way he looked at you."
Well, that was no more. And ... "It doesn't bother you? That he's another male?"
There was a slight pause. And then the answer she gave him transformed him in a curious way: "Not in the slightest. Why would it?"
Qhuinn had to look away. Because he worried about what was shining in his eyes. "Thank you."
"Whatever for?"
All he could do was shrug.
Who'd have thought acceptance would be as curiously painful as all that rejection had always been.
"I think you'd better go," he said roughly.
"Why?"
'Cause he was strongly considering a job as a lawn sprinkler, and he didn't want to go all weeping-willow in front of anyone. Even her.
"Sire, it is all right." Her voice was rock-solid serious. "I judge you not by the sex of whom you love ... but by how you love them."
"Then you should hate me." Christ, why the hell was his mouth still going? "Because I broke his f**king heart."
"So ... he knows not how you feel?"
"Nope." Qhuinn narrowed his eyes at her. "And he's not going to, clear? No one knows."
She inclined her head. "Your secret is safe with me. But I know well the way he regarded you. Mayhap you should tell him - "
"Let me save you from a lesson I learned the hard way. There are times when it is too late. He's happy now - and he deserves that. Fuck it, I want him to have love, even if I'm just watching it from on the sidelines."
"But what about you?"
"What about me." He went to drag his fingers through his hair and realized he'd cut it all off. "Listen, enough with this ... I only told you because I need you to know that this shit between you and me isn't about you not being good enough or attractive enough. Honestly? I'm done with being with other people sexually. I'm not doing that anymore. It gets me nowhere and ... yeah. I'm finished with all that."
How ironic. Now that he wasn't with Blay, he was being faithful to the f**ker.
Layla came across to him and sat down on the bed, arranging her legs and smoothing her robe with her elegant, pale hands. "I am glad you told me."
"You know ... so am I." He reached out and took her palm. "And I've got an idea."
"Indeed?"
"Friends. You and me. You come here, I'll feed you, and we'll hang together. As friends."
Her smile was incredibly sad. "I must say ... I always knew you cared not for me in that special way. You touched me with great restraint and showed me things that enraptured me - but beneath the flush of passion that I felt, I knew...."
"You're not in love with me, either, Layla. You just aren't. You felt a lot of physical shit, and that made you think it was emotional. The trouble is, body needs a hell of a lot less than the soul does to connect."
She placed her free hand over her heart. "The sting is there."
"Because you've had a crush on me. That'll fade. Especially when you meet the right guy."
God, check his shit out. From slut to camp counselor in a week. Next up: a guest stint on The-fucking-View.
He extended his forearm. "Take my vein so you can stay longer on this side and figure out what it is that you want from life - not what you're supposed to be or do, but what you want. I'll even help you if I can. God knows I'm well-versed in being lost."
There was a long moment. And then her green eyes shifted to his. "Blaylock ... knows not what he is missing."
Qhuinn shook his head grimly. "Oh, he's very aware of it. Trust me."
Cleanup was not a cinch.
As Jane rolled a bucket and mop out from the housekeeping closet, she ran through the reordering that was going to be necessary to get her supplies back where they needed to be: They'd used up a hundred packages of gauze; her needle-to-thread ratio was a joke; they were straight out of wrap bandages....
Opening the door to the exam room with her butt, she swung the pail around using the mop head and then took a breather. There was blood everywhere on the floor, and also down the walls. Wads of red-stained white gauze were the Freddy Krueger equiv of dust bunnies. Three biohazard bags were full to the point of needing an antacid for the bloating.
And a paaaartridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeee ...
Confronting the aftermath, she realized that if Manny hadn't been with her, they might have lost one of the Brothers. Rhage, for instance, could have bled out. Or Tohr - because what had looked like a simple shoulder injury had turned out to be oh, so much more.
Manny had ended up having to operate on him. After he'd finished doing surgery on Vishous.
Closing her eyes, she propped her heavy head against the pointy top of the mop. As a ghost, she didn't become exhausted the way she'd used to: no aches or pains, no dragging sense like someone had tied barbells to both her ankles. Now it was her psyche that grew weary, to the point where she had to shut her lids and see and do absolutely nothing - like her brain's circuit board needed to be turned off and cooled down.
And she did sleep then. And dreamed.
Or ... as probably would be the case today ... not. Insomnia was still an issue from time to time -
"You're going to need to broom it first."
Snapping her head up, she tried to smile for Manny. "I think you're right."
"How about you let me take care of this."
No. Way. She was not in a hurry to go lock herself in the other recovery room and stare at the ceiling. Besides, Manny had to feel as tired as she did.
"How long has it been since you ate last?" she asked him.
"What time is it?"
She glanced at her watch. "One o'clock."
"In the afternoon?"
"Yes."
"About twelve hours or so." He seemed surprised at that.
She reached for the phone on the desk. "I'll call Fritz."
"Listen, you don't have to - "
"You must be about to fall over."
"Actually, I feel great."
Wasn't that just like a man. Unless ... Well, hell, he did look energized instead of drained.
Whatever. She was still feeding him.
The ordering didn't take longer than a minute, and Fritz was thrilled by the request. Usually after Last Meal, the butler and his staff retired for a brief rest before the daily cleaning started, but they would much rather have been working.
"Where's the housekeeping closet?" Manny asked.
"Out in the hall. To your left."
While she filled the bucket with Lysol and water, he found a broom, came back and took care of business.
While they worked side by side, all she could think about was Vishous. During the rush of treating the Brothers, there had been so much to concentrate on, but now, sweeping the mop's sloppy dreads back and forth over the tiled floor, it was as if all the angst that had been behind the scenes in her brain broke free and rushed her mental guardrails.
Anyone but her.
She heard him say that over and over again, saw his ashen face and his icy eyes and the way he had closed her out.
Funny ... the eternity she'd been granted had always seemed like the grandest blessing. Until she pictured going aeons without the man she loved.
Now it was a curse.
Where would she go? She couldn't very well continue at the compound. Not if they were estranged like this. It was too hard on everyone - "
Here."
Jane jumped as a tissue fluttered in front of her face. The little white square was hanging from Manny's blunt fingertips, and he wagged it again as she just stared at the thing.
"You're crying," she heard him say.
Moving the mop handle into the crook of an elbow, she took what he offered and was surprised to find that he was right: When she blotted at her eyes and took a peek, the Kleenex was damp.
"You know," Manny drawled, "seeing you like this makes me wish I'd amputated that damn leg of his."
"This is only partially his fault."
"So say you. I'm allowed to look at it any way I like."
She glanced over. "You have another one of those?"
He held a box forward and she snapped out a couple more. Dab. Dab. Delicate nose blow. Dab. She rounded out the crying jag with a quick one ... two ... three ... tosses into the trash bin.
"Thank you for helping me." As she glanced up, his glower was front and center on his face and she had to smile. "I've missed that."