He stared at me for a long moment. Then, he reached over and put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. He kissed the top of my head. “I know, kiddo. I love you, too. And you’re right. I am the best driver in the world.” I could hear the grin in his voice. “So, are we taking this baby up to maximum speed or what?” he said, releasing me as he turned onto a stretch of clear country lane.
“Maximum speed!” I yelled, laughing, putting my arms up in the air like I was on a roller coaster.
He let out a rumble of laughter, his foot pressing down on the accelerator. “Scream if you wanna go faster, Andi.”
“You know you’re not supposed to actually touch the cars.”
I’m jolted out of my memory at the sound of Carrick’s voice. My hand recoiling from the car, I swing around to him.
As I stare into his face, my heart thumping wildly. I see concern cross Carrick’s brow, and I realize that my cheeks are wet with tears.
Turning my face away, I quickly brush them gone with my hands.
“Hey, are you okay?” His voice is soft, caring. He takes a step toward me, his hand reaching out, but then he stops before he touches me, as if catching himself.
“I’m fine.” I force a bright smile onto my face.
“You don’t look fine.”
“Well am I. I’m great.” I lift my voice. I know it sounds unnatural, but I don’t know what else to do.
Because I won’t explain to him why I was just crying while standing before William Wolfe’s car.
I see his eyes flicker to my dad’s car, and then they come back to me. I can see his mind working.
Don’t connect the dots. Don’t connect the dots.
“I thought you were at that dinner tonight?” I quickly go for a change of subject.
He stares at me for a long moment. Thankfully, he decides to let it go. “I was supposed to go, but then I heard about this showing today, so I ducked out. Sent my dad on his own.”
He was going with his dad. The relief I feel at that is immensely scary.
“Was he angry?”
He shrugs, a smile teasing his lips. “A bit, but I’ve ditched him to come to a car show, not to go out partying, so he can’t be too mad.”
He gives a cheeky grin that makes my erratic heart swell in my chest.
And that makes me take a step back.
“Well, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were coming. If I had, I wouldn’t have come.” I don’t know how true that is. I would have come because I had to see my father’s car. I would have just come when I knew he wouldn’t be here.
“Wow,” he says with an incredulous tone in his voice and a hurt look on his face. “I know we’re in a weird place right now, but you hate me that much?”
My eyes widen with shock. “No. I don’t hate you. Of course not. And ‘weird place’ is putting it mildly, Carrick. You can hardly bear to be in the same room as me. When I said I wouldn’t have come, I meant, for your sake. I know it’s bad enough that you have to see me at work.”
“Jesus…Andressa.” He rubs his forehead with his fingers and then takes a step toward me. “That’s not…I just…fuck.” His eyes blink in earnest at me. “I’m really fucking sorry for the way I’ve behaved lately. The way I’ve treated you…I’ve been a complete bastard.”
I wrap my arms around myself in protection. “You have nothing to be sorry about. It’s me who should be sorry.”
He shakes his head. “I think we’ve both been at fault in one way or another lately. I just…I don’t deal well with rejection.” He shoves a hand through his hair, looking awkward. “When I’m rejected, I act like a total prick.”
“I know. You’ve told me that before. In China, remember?”
“Yeah, and I acted like a prick then, too. No wonder you don’t want me.”
My face drops. “Carrick…I…”
“Sorry. Just pretend I didn’t say that and sound like the biggest fucking loser on the planet. Actually, can we just forget everything and start from the beginning?”
“Start from the beginning?” My brows pull together.
“Yeah. It could be like we just met for the first time. Forget everything that has happened and start fresh.”
“Oh.” I don’t want to forget a moment of anything with him. Even the bad stuff. “Why?” I ask quietly.
He takes another step closer. The space between us is marginal now. I can smell his aftershave…feel him. My body starts to ache with need.
“Because I’ve come to realize that I’d rather have you in my life…than not at all.” He blows out a breath, giving me hopeful eyes. “So, what do you say?”
Even though it stings that he just wants to erase our past like it doesn’t matter, I know I have no right to feel that way. And I can’t turn down the chance to have him in my life again.
I hold my hand out. “Hi, I’m Andi Amaro.”
He glances down at my hand, a smile touching his eyes. When he takes hold of my hand, I feel those familiar sparks I always feel whenever he touches me, but this time, I feel an ache so deep that it burns into my bones.
Somehow, I manage to hold myself together.
“Carrick Ryan,” he says. “It’s nice to meet you, Andi.”
“Actually, call me Andressa.” I smile. “This guy I knew, the best guy ever, always insisted on calling me by my full name.”
Lightness flickers in his gaze. “Sounds like a smart guy.”