More surprised that he'd looked me up, but I didn't say that.
I was glad he had, because I'd been worried about him.
"We sold out our Jones Beach show over the weekend, then played the Meadowlands last night.
I skipped out on the guys because I wanted to see you before we head south.
I searched for you online, found out where you worked, and came up."
Good old Google, I thought miserably.
"I'm so stoked that everything's working out for you now.
Do you have time to grab lunch?" "Yes."
His answer came quickly and fervently, which set off a little warning.
I was pissed, extremely hurt, and eager to retaliate against Gideon, but I didn't want to mislead Brett.
Still, I couldn't resist taking him to the restaurant where Cary and I had once been photographed together, in the hopes of getting caught by the paparazzi again.
It would serve Gideon right to see what it felt like.
On the cab ride over, Brett asked about Cary and wasn't surprised to learn that my best friend had moved across the country with me.
"You two were always inseparable," he said.
"Except when he was getting laid.
Tell him I said hi."
"Sure."
I didn't mention that Cary was in the hospital, because it felt too private to share.
It wasn't until we were seated in the restaurant that Brett took off his shades, so that was the first time I got a glimpse of the shiner that encompassed the area from his right eyebrow down to his cheekbone.
"Jesus," I breathed, wincing.
"I'm sorry."
He shrugged.
"Makeup made it disappear on stage.
And you've seen me with worse.
Besides, I got a couple good hits in, didn't I?" Remembering the bruising on Gideon's jaw and back, I nodded.
"You did."
"So ."
He paused as the waiter came by and dropped off two glasses and a chilled bottle of water.
"You're dating Gideon Cross."
I wondered why that question always seemed to pop up at a time when I wasn't sure the relationship would last another minute.
"We've been seeing each other."
"Is it serious?" "Sometimes it seems that way," I said honestly.
"Are you seeing anyone?" "Not now."
We took some time to read the menu and place our orders.
The restaurant was busy and noisy, the background music barely heard over the hum of conversation and clatter of plates from the nearby kitchen.
We looked across the table at each other, sizing one another up.
I felt the thrum of attraction between us.
When he wet his lips with the tip of his tongue, I knew he was aware of it, too.
"Why did you write 'Golden'?" I asked suddenly, unable to hold back my curiosity a moment longer.
I'd been playing it off as nothing big with both Gideon and Cary, but it was driving me crazy.
Brett sat back in his chair.
"Because I think about you a lot.
I can't stop thinking about you actually."
"I don't understand why."
"We had it going on for six months, Eva.
That's the longest I've ever been with someone."
"But we weren't with each other," I argued.
My voice lowered.
"Aside from sexually."
His mouth thinned.
"I understand what I was to you, but that doesn't mean I didn't get hurt."
I stared at him for a long minute, my heart beating too quickly in my chest.
"I feel like I'm stoned or something.
The way I remember it, we'd hook up after shows, then you'd go about your business.
And if I wasn't there to put out, you'd grab someone else."
He leaned forward.
"Bullshit.
I tried getting you to hang out.
I was always asking you to stick around."
I took a couple of quick, deep breaths to calm myself down.
I could hardly believe that now, almost four years too late, Brett Kline was talking to me like I'd once wanted him to.
We were out in public together, having a meal, almost like a date.
It was messing with my head, which was already confused and scattered because of Gideon.
"I had the biggest crush on you, Brett.
I wrote your name with little hearts around it like a lovesick teenager.
I wanted desperately to be your girlfriend."
"Are you kidding me?" He reached out and caught my hand.
"What the f**k happened, then?" I looked down at where he was absently twirling the ring Gideon had given me.
"Remember when we went to the pool hall?" "Yeah.
How could I forget that?" He bit his lower lip, clearly recalling how I'd f**ked his brains out in the back of his car, determined to be the best lay he'd ever had so he wouldn't bother with other girls.
"I thought we were getting to the point where we'd start seeing each other outside the bar, but you ditched me the minute we got inside."
"I went to the bathroom," I said quietly, remembering the pain and embarrassment as if the incident had just happened, "and when I came out you and Darrin were at the change machine getting quarters for the tables.
Your back was to me so you didn't see me.
I heard you guys talking .
and laughing."
I pulled in a deep breath and tugged my hand away from him.
To his credit, Brett shifted in obvious embarrassment.
"I can't remember exactly what was said, but .
Shit, Eva.
I was twenty-one years old.
The band was just starting to get popular.
The chicks were everywhere."
"I know," I said dryly.
"I was one of them."
"I'd been with you a few times by then.
Bringing you along to the pool hall made a statement to the guys that things were picking up between us."
He rubbed at his brow in a very familiar gesture.
"I didn't have the balls to own up to how I was feeling about you.
I made it about the sex, but that wasn't true."
I lifted my glass and drank, forcing down the lump in my throat.
His hand dropped onto the armrest.
"So I screwed it up with my big mouth.
That's why you bailed that night.
That's why you never went anywhere with me again."
"I was desperate, Brett," I admitted, "but I didn't want to show it."
The waiter brought our food.
I wondered why I'd ordered anything - I was too unsettled to eat.
Brett started cutting into his steak, attacking it really.
Suddenly, he set his knife and fork down.
"I blew it back then, but now everyone knows what was going on in my head at the time.
'Golden' is our biggest single.
It's what got us signed with Vidal."
The idea of closure made me smile.
"It's a beautiful song, and your voice sounds amazing when you sing it.
I'm really glad you came up and saw me again before you head out.
It means a lot to me that we talked through this."
"What if I don't want to just head out and move on?" He took a deep breath and released it in a rush.
"You've been my muse the last few years, Eva.
Because of you, I've written the best material the band's ever had."
"That's very flattering," I began.
"We sizzled together.
Still do.
I know you feel it.
The way you kissed me the other night ."
"That was a mistake."
My hands clenched beneath the table.
I couldn't deal with more drama.
I couldn't go through another night like Friday.
"And you need to think about the fact that Gideon controls your label.
You don't want any friction there."
"Fuck it.
What's he going to do?" His fingertips drummed onto the table.
"I want another shot with you."
I shook my head and reached for my purse.
"That's impossible.
Even if I didn't have a boyfriend, I'm not the right girl for your lifestyle, Brett.
I'm too high-maintenance."
"I remember," he said roughly.
"God, do I remember."
I flushed.
"That's not what I meant."
"And that's not all I want.
I can be here for you.
Look at me now - the band's on the road, but you and I are together.
I can make time.
I want to."
"It's not that easy."
I pulled cash out of my wallet and dropped it on the table.
"You don't know me.
You have no idea what it would mean to have a relationship with me, how much work it would take."
"Try me," he challenged.
"I'm needy and clingy and insanely jealous.
I'd drive you crazy within a week."
"You've always driven me crazy.
I like it."
His smile faded.
"Stop running, Eva.
Give me a chance."
I met his gaze and held it.
"I'm in love with Gideon."
His brows rose.
Even battered, his face was breathtaking.
"I don't believe you."
"I'm sorry.
I have to go."
I pushed to my feet and moved to pass him.
He caught my elbow.
"Eva - " "Please don't make a scene," I whispered, regretting my impetuous decision to eat at a popular place.
"You didn't eat."
"I can't.
I need to leave."
"Fine.
But I'm not giving up."
He released me.
"I make mistakes, but I learn from them."
I bent over and said firmly, "There's no chance.
None."
Brett stabbed his fork into a slice of his steak.
"Prove it."
* * *
The Bentley was waiting at the curb when I stepped out of the restaurant.
Angus climbed out and opened the rear door for me.
"How did you know where I was?" I asked, unsettled by his unexpected appearance.
His answer was to smile kindly and touch the brim of his chauffeur's hat.
"This is creepy, Angus," I complained as I slid into the backseat.
"I don't disagree, Miss Tramell.
I'm just doing my job."
I texted Cary on the ride back to the Crossfire: Had lunch with Brett.
He wants another chance w/me.
Cary replied, When it rains it pours .
Whole day = royally f**ked, I typed.
I want a do- over.
My phone rang.
It was Cary.
"Baby girl," he drawled.
"I want to sympathize, I do, but the love triangle thing is just too delicious.
The determined rock star and the possessive billionaire.
Rawr."
"Oh God.
Hanging up now."
"See you tonight?" "Yes.
Please don't make me regret it."
I hung up to the sound of his laughter, secretly thrilled to hear him sounding so happy.
Trey's visit must have worked wonders.
Angus dropped me off at the curb in front of the Crossfire, and I hurried out of the heat into the cool lobby.
I managed to catch an open elevator just before the doors closed.
There were a half dozen other people in the car with me, forming two groups that chatted among themselves.
I stood in the front corner and tried to put my personal life out of my mind.
I couldn't deal with it at work.
"Hey, we passed our floor," the girl next to me said.
I looked at the needle over the door.