She swallowed hard and blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, Rose…” Dee leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Are you sure?”
“Three test kits later,” Rose said with a sigh, “I’m way sure.”
A couple of minutes of silence passed before Dee sat back in her chair, keeping her gaze fixed on Rose. “So now what?”
“That’s the problem. I know ‘now what,’ I just don’t want to do it.”
“Talk to Lucas, you mean.”
“Yes.”
“Honey, you’ve been making yourself sick missing him for the past two weeks,” Dee said softly. “Is this really such bad news?”
“God, yes—I mean, no…I mean…” God, Rose thought, she wasn’t even making sense to herself. But hardly surprising. Her brain had been in a spin since the last of the three tests had come back positive.
Seriously, what were the odds of getting pregnant on the one time a condom breaks? There were people all over the country—heck, the world—trying desperately to have children. She should feel blessed, she knew. And that feeling would eventually come. But right now, all she felt was worried.
Rose chewed at her fingernail, noticed what she was doing and stopped. “The baby isn’t bad news, Dee. I mean, it’s a surprise, but not a bad one, you know?”
Dee nodded, but kept quiet so Rose could talk and get her thoughts straight in her own mind. A truly great best friend, Rose thought.
“The bad news is, once I tell Lucas, he’s going to want to marry me—”
“And that’s bad because—”
“Because he doesn’t love me,” Rose muttered and glared at the newspaper-reading man when he flicked her a curious glance. Immediately, he hid behind the paper again. Rose lowered her voice. “He’ll offer to marry me out of duty. Because me and the baby are his ‘responsibility.’ I don’t want to be that to the man I love, you know? I want him to want me because he can’t live without me. Not because a layer of latex failed at precisely the wrong moment.” She paused, then started again before Dee could say a word. “If we get married for all the wrong reasons, it would turn out just like my marriage to Henry did.”
“Henry was a horse’s ass,” Dee pointed out.
“True. But the bottom line is, I didn’t love him. He didn’t love me. And we created a gigantic ball of misery together. I don’t want that with Lucas.”
“But you do love him,” Dee argued.
“Yes, I do. And how long before that feeling just withers and dies because I know he’s thinking he was trapped into marrying me?” She shook her head as that thought settled in and turned her stomach. “This isn’t the fifties. We have choices now, you know? And my choice is to not marry a man who doesn’t love me just because he’s the father of my child.”
“Okay, I’m right there with you,” Dee told her firmly. “Anything you decide is okay by me. So the next question is, what do you want to do?”
“Sadly,” Rose said, slumping against the chair back, “want really doesn’t come into it. If it did, then what I would want is Lucas and I together, celebrating a baby.”
But that wasn’t going to happen and Rose was just going to have to come to grips with the fact. Lucas had made his choice, and it hadn’t been her. In the two weeks since she’d last seen him, she had heard nothing from him. Beyond a check she received for the exact amount owed her.
It was as if he’d shut her out so easily that he hadn’t even missed her. Which was both sad and infuriating. Here she was, moping around, thinking about him, dreaming about him, carrying his child, and he was probably not even giving her a passing thought.
Instinctively, Rose squared her shoulders as if metaphorically accepting the weight that had just dropped onto her shoulders. No, Lucas wouldn’t be back and if he did offer marriage, it wouldn’t be the kind she wanted. He’d already made that very clear. So it would be best all the way around to put aside dreams and start getting ready for reality.
As that thought settled in, she knew one other person she had to tell before facing Lucas with the news.
“I have to go see Dave.”
“Really?” Dee just stared at her, surprised. “You sure your brother is the one to help with this?”
Rose shrugged. “He’s been better lately. Since we had that talk and finally came clean with each other, we’ve sort of found a new and richer relationship. He comes over a lot now, and he does know about me and Lucas, so this won’t be a shock.” She stopped and smiled sadly. “I have to tell him. He’s my family.”
“Okay,” Dee said and stood up when Rose did. “But if he lets you down by being an idiot about this, just call me.”
Far from being the Mayor of Idiotville, Dave was the perfect older brother. Once Rose told him what was going on, he said and did all the right things. He was supportive and understanding and Rose was so grateful she could have cried. Now that there were no more secrets between them, she knew she could depend on him. And Rose was going to need him in the next few months and then beyond even that.
“Don’t worry,” he told her, giving her a hug that reassured and comforted all at the same time. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I’m always right,” Dave teased, pulling back to look down into her eyes.
She laughed as he meant her to. “Oh, yeah. Now I remember.”
“Atta girl,” he said, a quick smile flashing across his features. “We’re Clancys, you and me. We can handle anything. And your baby will be just fine, I swear it.”
“Thanks, Dave,” she said, leaning into him just to feel the solid strength of him. She was so tired, she could hardly stand up. It was as if all of her energy was going directly to worrying about the new life she carried inside. It was exhausting. “I’m so thankful I can count on you.”
“Always,” he promised, then asked, “Have you told Lucas?”
“No.” She pulled away, wrapped her arms around herself and dropped into the corner of her couch. Drawing her legs up beneath her, she shook her head for emphasis. “Not yet. I know I have to, but I’m not ready to talk to him right now.”
“Okay…”
Something in his tone alerted her, and she snapped him a look. “I don’t want you talking to him, either. I’m going to be the one to tell him, Dave. And I’ll do it my way, all right?”