He dismissed the nanny, saying they’d call her when they were ready to leave, and settled in another chair. Of course, there’d been another reason for staying out of the nursery at feeding time. As he had suspected it would be, he found watching Erin suckling their son almost unbearably erotic, tiny hands kneading her milk-laden breast, the absorption in the physical link between them. It was weird to feel jealous of his son, but he did, probably because it had been so long since he had known such an intimate connection with Erin .
“Is he always this hungry?” he asked, his voice gruff with too many raw emotions.
“Yes.” She flicked him a look that seemed oddly desperate.
It disturbed him too much to let it pass.”Is my being here worrying you?”
“No.” She shook her head vehemently.
She kept too much to herself. He realised now that it was habitual, ingrained from her childhood, her defence against the emotional upheaval of her parents’ broken marriage—her road to self-survival, self-sufficiency—but understanding why it was so did not ease his frustration with it.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he demanded.
She slowly lifted her gaze from Jack, her eyes a dark green tumultuous sea of uncertainty. She took a deep breath, as though gathering up courage, then blurted out,” Tell me you still want me, Peter. Not because I’m Jack’s mother.
Me…the person I am. Everything you now know about me.”
It stunned him that she was in any doubt. Hadn’t all his actions proved how much he wanted her in his life? Yet clearly she was apprehensive about his answer, tending almost frantically to their son, lifting him up to her shoulder, rubbing his back until he burped, then transferring him to her other breast.
Only when Jack was resettled did she brave another look at him.
His mouth curved into a self-mocking smile as the strength of his feelings for her tore at his chest.”You asked me once if I was a jealous man. I said I wasn’t but I find myself jealous of my own son, wanting to be as close to you as he is.” Another wave of heat scorched her cheeks.
If it was embarrassment, he didn’t care.
He was laying out the truth, being straight with her.
“Even after you walked away from me, I couldn’t stop wanting you, Erin. My mother said you had to have a beautiful mind to have written the books she’d read. It drove me into buying them, reading all of them. And I agreed with her.
It made me want you all the more. I set up the movie deal in the hope that it would win you around to wanting me again.” He heaved a sigh to relieve the tightness in his chest. Her gaze was clinging to his. No anguish in her eyes now. More an urgent intensity, begging for more.
“Then there was Jack. Which completely threw me. You’d so decisively shut me out, even when I had the right to know we’d made a child.” He leaned forward, forearms on his knees, hands gesturing futility as he shook his head.”I won’t even try to explain what I felt then. I know I shamelessly used Jack to get you, and right then I didn’t care if you wanted me or not. I was going to have both of you and I would have done anything to force that end.”
“I’m glad you did, Peter,” she inserted with startling vehemence.
“Glad that I invaded your life and carried you off?” he queried.
“Yes. I didn’t want to be alone. I just didn’t know how to…how to fix things between us. I got it all wrong. I know I did. These past two months…
everything you’ve done…I was such a fool for giving you the kind of ego that ended up blighting other relationships I’ve had. You’re not like that at all. The day in the park…I thought you were a big man in every sense, and I should have trusted my instincts. You are. And your family…your family has been a revelation to me.
They’re interested, they care…I like being part of it.”
The relief at hearing her speak her mind and heart so openly was mountainous.
“Then I haven’t done wrong by you.”
“No.” Her eyes glowed with eloquent appeal as a rather tentative, shy little smile softened her face.”You are my prince, Peter.” It took an extreme act of will to remain in the chair. Jack was still feeding.
He had to hold himself in check for a while yet. But he could spil out what he felt in words.
“Remember that first night out on the balcony of my apartment?”
“Vividly.”
The intense emotion in her voice encouraged him to reveal his own.”You wove a spell around me that I can’t break, Erin. I want you so badly I can barely sit here and wait for our son to be satisfied. I want to hold you, kiss you, touch you, make mad violent love to you, but I also want to feel the same passionate response that you gave me in the past.”
She stared at him, as though caught in a spell herself. Her lips parted, releasing a rush of breath. Then life returned to her eyes—a brilliant sparkling life, as though a volcano of joy had erupted inside her.
“Press the call-button for the nanny, Peter,” she said, detaching Jack from her breast and lifting him to her shoulder.
“He’s had enough?”
“Enough for now.”
There was no wail of protest from their son and Peter was not about to query Erin’s decision. If it meant what he thought it meant…he moved swiftly from his chair, pressed the call-button, watched Erin rise from the rocker and head straight to the cot where she had left her veil and bra. He strode to the nursery door, opening it for the nanny to enter as fast as possible, waiting beside it. His heart was pummelling his chest. His hands clenched. The fight for control was so close to being a losing battle.
The nanny arrived.
Erin passed over Jack with the instruction,” He still needs to be burped.” As soon as her hands were free, she grabbed her veil and bra. With her bodice still hanging down from her waist, she used the towel to cover her naked breasts, flashed her glowing rainbow smile at Peter, and said,” I’ll get redressed in my suite.”
Her suite.
Just along this hall, feet moving fast, Erin opening the door, flinging the wedding finery on the floor, turning to face him. He kicked the door shut. She was in his arms. He rubbed his cheek against the black silk of her hair, breathed in the heady scent of her. Her arms wound around his neck, pulling his head down. Their mouths met in a wild onslaught of needy kisses.
A break to catch their breaths.
“You’ve got too many clothes on, Peter,” she said, excited eyes teasing his.