‘Fair enough,’ he granted, though he was frowning again, not liking this conversation one bit.
She heaved a sigh to relieve the painful tightness in her chest. The dream of marriage to Jake was over. She couldn’t hold it together any longer. ‘You said saddled with a child,’ she reminded him. ‘You know what that implies, Jake?’
He didn’t answer. His eyes probed hers with sharp intensity, suggesting he was uncertain about which way to jump. He was employing the principle of watch and wait.
‘You see it as a burden, not a wonderful new life we made together. A life for us to nurture and be part of, sharing in the journey it takes, the adventures and challenges of every new experience. Like Rosa scoring her first goal,’ she expounded, sadness sitting on her heart like a lead weight. ‘You think that wasn’t a golden moment for her parents?’
He cocked his head consideringly. ‘I hadn’t thought of it like that. But I wasn’t thinking burden so much as responsibility, Merlina. Being a parent is not something to take on lightly or carelessly.’
‘True. It takes total commitment. And I’m not getting the feeling that you have it in your heart.’
He held up a protesting hand. ‘Now don’t write me off so fast. I’m getting there.’
She couldn’t make herself believe him. It was a delaying tactic. ‘Well, when you get there, let me know,’ she tossed at him, moving to her clothes cupboard, intending to make herself less vulnerable to any physical persuasion Jake might try.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked tersely.
‘Putting more than a condom between us,’ she answered with bitter irony, opening the cupboard and drawing out her scarlet silk dressing gown. ‘You might as well get dressed, Jake. I want you to go now.’
‘You can’t mean that.’
‘Yes, I do.’ She slipped her arms into the gown and tied it tightly around her waist. Her whole body ached but no way was she going to have sex now.
‘Merlina…’ He started walking towards her, his arms lifting out in appeal, his eyes burning with purpose.
She swung on him with tigerish ferocity. ‘I mean it! Don’t come near me, Jake!’
It stunned him into halting.
A torrent of defensive words poured from her mouth. ‘All that time working as your personal assistant…you grew into an obsession. That’s what it was. An obsession! I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I built fantasies around you and when you came for me at your grandfather’s home, I wanted the fantasies to become real. But now I’m facing the realities, Jake, and I’m not going to let myself be blinded by fantasies any more.’
‘What we feel together is no fantasy,’ he shot back at her.
‘But that doesn’t take any commitment, does it? It’s just falling into bed together. Like you did with all the other women in your life. I’m no different.’
‘You are!’ he insisted vehemently.
‘Then prove it to me. Take this ring back.’ She twisted it off her finger and held it out to him, her voice shaking with passionate conviction as she punched home her reality. ‘It means nothing unless you’re committed to having a family with me. You go away and think about it, Jake. Take as long as you like. But don’t offer it to me again unless it comes with total commitment because I will not accept less.’
‘Right!’ he snapped, snatching the ring from her palm. Without another word he turned away and proceeded to dress with sharp, jerky movements. Angry frustration emanated from him so strongly, Merlina stood stock-still, not daring to move.
Game over and he’d lost, she thought.
But the wretched truth was she’d lost, too.
He straightened up from putting on his shoes and subjected her to a long hard stare. ‘I’ll win you in the end,’ he bit out. ‘Don’t think I won’t, Merlina Rossi.’
Only on my terms, she thought with the same savage determination lacing his words.
He tossed the ruby and diamond ring in the air, caught it and clenched his hand around it in a fierce show of possessiveness, then strode out of the bedroom, out of the apartment, and most probably, out of her life.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THE days dragged by.
No word from Jake.
Merlina tried to get her life back on the course she’d set when she’d decided to leave Signature Sounds. Going back to work with Jake was impossible with her ultimatum still hanging fire, and he surely realised that, so she spent hours on her computer, checking out possible positions listed on jobseek.com, jotting down anything that might interest her. She brushed up her résumé, but didn’t have the heart to send it out. Not yet.
The weekend came.
No word from Jake.
Was he expecting her to back down, turn up for work on Monday, unable to resist the lure of being with him again? Merlina told herself she was made of sterner stuff. But the nights were hell, lying in the bed she’d shared with him.
She kept herself busy; went shopping, caught up with her girlfriends—lunch with some, drinks at a favourite bar with others—listened to what was happening in their lives, fended off questions about her own, and felt thoroughly miserable the whole time.
Monday came and went.
No word from Jake.
Obviously she could be replaced since he wasn’t chasing her to resume being his personal assistant. The baby hurdle was too big for him. And she wasn’t about to take it away. If he wanted to be a playboy for the rest of his life, he could take that path all by himself!
She spring-cleaned her apartment, wanting to be so tired she’d drop into deep sleep when she went to bed. It didn’t work. Emotional turmoil overrode physical exhaustion. An elusive Jake plagued her dreams.
She started doubting her decision that having a family of her own was more important to her future happiness than being with him. Maybe there would be no future happiness anyway, not while she yearned to have Jake at her side. And would that ever end?
What if she didn’t have a long life to live? She could be killed in an accident or contract some dreadful illness. There was no guarantee of many years ahead of her. Should she grab what she could have today and not keep thinking about tomorrows? It was tearing her apart, wanting Jake and knowing it would only take a phone call to bring him back to her.
So then he would win.
Did that really matter?
The tormenting questions kept running around her mind. When her telephone rang on Wednesday evening, she pounced on the receiver as though it was a lifeline, hoping it would be Jake calling her.