What use were my good memories with him when he had successfully made his very own with someone else? He’d replaced me and followed through with what we had planned together with Amelia, instead.
They did say that a man hurt was a man in love. Alas, he was hurting plenty.
As quietly as I could, I walked out of his house. Praying that one day I could breathe again.
Chapter 25
Lucy
The next day, Toby tried to call. He even attempted to see me, knocking against my door. I had forgotten that he had keys to my place; I was just fortunate enough that I had absentmindedly put the top latch on. Hearing him reaching out to me tore me apart, but I simply couldn’t face him. I was weakened and had no strength in me to deal with him.
He tried doing this for a week straight. Every night, eight in the evening, he would knock, trying for about thirty minutes before finally relenting that I was never going to open the door.
The week after was my finals, ignoring and declining invitations from my friends had become a constant thing. It wasn’t mainly about them, and I thought that they somehow knew that. Chances of seeing Toby amongst our peers was high, even if I asked them to guarantee that he wouldn’t be there, he would eventually appear anyway.
Maybe in the next few weeks, when my cuts weren’t too deep—when the wound wasn’t as raw—then I could brave it out and face him without breaking down. I knew myself; risking seeing him in this state of mind wouldn’t do me any good. So I secluded myself, mending my own hurt.
Finals came. When I got back home that night after an entire day of rigorous testing, I found a vase filled with an elaborate flower setting. I knew who it had come from, and yet, I couldn’t stop myself from taking the card out and reading what he had written on it.
My poison, you sought
My hurt, you unraveled
My darkness, you welcomed
My acerbic words, you suffered
My imperfection tainted your beauty,
Yet you saw the beauty amidst it all,
Marring yourself with it selflessly, even to an unkind beast.
Without you, I saw the irrevocable damage I caused.
Yet I wanted to seek shelter,
I simply couldn’t do without.
I am a blind man.
Waiting.
Waiting in vain.
If forever is never.
Then never shall be my forever.
Wallowing for my warped fallen love, I kept the note, slipping it in my purse. I left the untouched, stunning arrangement on the floor as I decided to turn around and walk out of the building.
After everything, I absolutely needed a break from it all.
+++
“Did you get your grades yet? When can we celebrate you graduating? I want to host a party to invite whoever you want. Would that be ideal?” Sienna’s enthusiasm brought a smile to my face.
Sometimes, I wondered how such a tortured soul, beaten relentlessly at a young age, could turn out to be someone so strong, so admirable. Had it been me, I would’ve probably turned into a killer, a druggie—something less pragmatic than Sienna.
With luck, I had been christened with a loving family, including my two sisters. I didn’t talk to them too much these days since both lived out of the country, but when we did see each other, it was as if the absence had never been there.
Our parents were the soppy kind. They had met at sixteen at some bowling alley, and they hadn’t parted since. Both struggled with getting by, stricken with poverty from both sides, yet with my father’s ingenious ideas and skill and my mother’s brilliant knack at coordinating and organizing, they had combined their ideas and come out with an online party supplies company. It was a niche market, but a decade ago, there had been a massive demand for it. The timing had been perfect. Our once pallid surroundings became a six-bedroom, beautiful, English countryside estate. Even with money and lavish surroundings, we were fortunate enough that none of us had changed.
“You there?”
Yeah, my mind had drifted off yet again, a common occurrence in my life these days. Where were we? Dinner. Party. Right.
“I’m in Kent, spending quality time with my family. Dinner won’t be possible at the moment.”
Sienna went silent for a minute before asking, “Luce, are you purposely avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?”
I felt like a bloody heel. “Goodness, no. I’m just busy at the moment. There’s so much to think about—my future and where I want to go from here,” I said, sounding reasonable. “I’m actually even considering going out of the country for a year, maybe work and travel at the same time.” Again, I hadn’t thought a thing, not even close to these things, yet the lies were limitless. They kept pouring out of my lips.
“What? You’re leaving me, too?” she sounded frantic. “Why don’t we do something together? I’m sure we could figure something out. I don’t want to sound like a whiny brat, but with Chad gone most of the time, Toby busy with his new business, and with Blake travelling so much, I have no family left here. You guys are all I have.”
Business with Sienna, I surely hadn’t thought of that. “We’ll see. We can talk about that soon.”
“Great! So I can’t even drop by to say hello before you graduate?”
My graduation was in a month’s time and I had no qualms not attending the blasted ceremony. “I’ll text you.”
She sighed. “Okay. Well, take care. Love you, Luce.”
“Love you, too, Si.”
Ending the call, I decided to put a bikini on. A few laps in our indoor pool should help me relax.
After all, the spew of lies I had just told had given me a few ideas. The future didn’t look so gloomy anymore. Maybe leaving England would be the answer I had been waiting for.
Chapter 26
Lucy
Sienna had tried to see me for the past four weeks, yet every time she’d attempted it, I had always had an excuse for her not to go through with it.
At one point, I had decided to truly speak my mind and told her the truth. I was so thankful that she’d understood me, telling me that each person grieved differently and it just so happened that mine entailed hiding from everyone. She had even said that the day I decided to start mingling with the masses, she’d throw a ‘welcome back’ party. She was being silly, and I loved her to bits for it.
I filled my days with swimming once in the morning and once in the evening. The in between consisted of naps and reading mystery and suspense novels. I admitted that there were instances that I had almost bought a romance book, but thank goodness I had deterred myself from it. The last thing I needed was to dwell on the pain that I had a difficult time quelling.