Tula cringed inside because Anna was exactly right.
“You found the home you’ve been looking for since you were a kid, sweetie.” Anna looked at her, understanding and sympathy shining in her eyes. “You love Simon and Nathan both. But it’s what they are to you together that’s making this so hard. They’re the family you always dreamed about. Your heart took them both in, made them yours and now you believe you have to let the dream die.”
Nathan babbled and slapped playfully at Tula’s hands on his legs. The scent of paint hung in the air despite the two opened windows. Anna’s mural was almost complete. Once the woman got started on a painting, she was a whirlwind of activity. Tula looked at the realistic scene of a forest, with a flower-strewn meadow stretching out into the distance. And she smiled at Lonely Bunny, right up front, sitting under a tree and smiling out at the room.
From the house next door, the sound of wind chimes played like a distant symphony. As time passed in a lazy, unhurried way, Tula thought about what her friend had said and admitted silently that Anna was right. She did love Simon and Nathan both. She did love the family the three of them had become, however temporarily. She hated knowing that she was the one who didn’t fit. The one who didn’t belong. And knowing that she would have to walk away from what might have been was desolating.
“You’re right,” she finally said.
“The one time I wish I weren’t,” Anna told her.
“But what can I do? I can’t stall Simon forever. He has a right to be his son’s father. And I can’t stay once I sign over custody.”
“It’s a problem,” Anna agreed. “But there’s always a solution. Somewhere.”
Tula sighed. “You know, it was a lot easier on me when you were the one with man problems.”
“I bet,” Anna said on a laugh. “But it’s your turn now, girl. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“What can I do?”
The last few days had been wonderful. And confusing. She had Nathan to care for and work of her own to accomplish during the day. But every night, she and Simon found each other. They shared taking care of Nathan, and once the baby was in bed it was their time.
The sex was incredible. It only got better each time they came together. But for Tula, it was bittersweet. She loved being with him—the problem was, she loved him. More than she had ever thought it possible to love someone. Every day here dragged her deeper and deeper into what was going to become a pit of despair one day soon.
Though even as she thought it, she realized that neither of them had so much as hinted about that situation lately. It might still be the eight-hundred-pound gorilla in the middle of the room, but if no one was talking about it, did it matter?
Nathan babbled happily and Tula sighed.
“Honey, if you want him, why don’t you go for it?”
“Oh, I am,” she assured her friend.
Laughing, Anna said, “I’m not talking about sex, Tula. I’m talking about love. I know you love Simon. Heck, I can see it. Chances are he can, too.”
“Oh, God,” she said with a groan. “I hope not.”
“Why?” Anna turned to look at her. “Why should you hide what you feel? Didn’t you tell me to go for what I wanted?”
“Yes, but—”
“If he doesn’t love you back, that’s different.” She rubbed her nose and transferred a streak of green paint. “Although, I’m willing to bet he does love you. I mean, how could he not? What’s not to love? Besides, I saw you two together yesterday and again this morning. The way he looks at you…”
“What?” Hope rose up in Tula’s chest.
“As if you’re the only thing in the room,” Anna said with a smile. “But Tula, you’ll never know for sure what he feels if you don’t try to get him to admit it.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
Anna grinned. “The best opportunity for getting a man to talk and lower his defenses at the same time? Right after sex. They’re happy, they’re relaxed and very open to suggestion.”
Sometimes, she thought. Other times, they were too crabby entirely. Still it was worth a shot. Tula shook her head in admiration. “Does Sam know how truly devious you can be?”
“Sure he does,” Anna replied, still grinning devilishly. “But by the time he figures out that I’m sneaking up on him, it’s too late.”
“I don’t know…”
“Who was it who said all’s fair in love and war?”
“I don’t know that, either,” Tula admitted. “But I’ll bet it was a man.”
“So,” Anna said softly, “if it’s okay for a man to be sneaky, why can’t we try it? Look,” she added, “while you’re here, don’t hold anything back. You can’t tell him you love him, but you can show him. Make him want what you could have together. That’s all I’m saying.”
While her friend turned her attention back to the mural, and Nathan studied his toes with fierce concentration, Tula started thinking.
“You’re going to do it, aren’t you?”
“Do what?” Simon didn’t take his gaze off the pitching machine. Getting hit by a ninety-mile-an-hour fastball didn’t sound like a good time.
“Tula. You’re going to mess it all up and toss it aside, aren’t you?”
Simon hit the pitch high and left. Only then did he glance at Mick in the next cage over. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, forget it, Simon. I’ve known you too long to be fooled.”
“Have you known me long enough to butt out?”
“Apparently not,” Mick said good-naturedly. “Besides, you can always fire me if you don’t like what I’m saying.”
Simon snorted. “Sure. I fire you, then your wife comes over to kick my butt.”
“There is that,” Mick said, a pleased note in his voice. “So. About Tula.”
“Let it go, Mick. I’m doing what I have to do.”
“No,” his friend insisted, “you’re doing what your damn pride is telling you to do. There’s a difference.”
Simon hit a curveball dead center, line drive. “This isn’t about my pride,” he muttered darkly, irritated that his best friend wasn’t on his side in this.
Mick was normally an excellent barometer for Simon. If the two of them agreed on something, it turned out to be a good idea. The times when Simon hadn’t listened to Mick’s advice were a different story. But this time, Mick was wrong. Simon knew it. He felt it.