When Brandon had dumped me it had been horrible. I had never confessed to anybody some of the real reasons he’d said he wanted to break up. They’d been too painful and were things that I didn’t want to admit myself. He’d told me that he wanted to play the market and have a bit more sexual exploration before settling down—get it out of his system. After he’d done that he’d be ready to come and marry me, knowing that the time was right and he’d be a good husband. I’d thought it was a bunch of shit then and right now I still thought of it that way, but it suddenly was more logical. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I good enough for any man to just want to be with faithfully? I just didn’t get it and I decided that I was ready to surrender. I was going to give up on Marshall and certainly give up on the job at the studio. The further away from him the better off I’d be.
I went into the office and packed my few personal belongings into a small box and headed out in the Audi, dropping my name tag off by the guard, and speeding out of there. I didn’t look back once and I just prayed that I’d make it home before I had an emotional melt-down. Thank goodness I didn’t have to be anywhere this weekend. All I had to do is live with my thoughts and the reality that I may never get the type of man I want. If I want a relationship I might just have to settle. It was utterly depressing and only topped by the speeding ticket that I got just as I exited the freeway to head toward my apartment. I just couldn’t win. I couldn’t even talk my way out of a ticket, not that I’d tried.
Once I was in the safety of my apartment I locked the doors and finally breathed in. During my exhale a tear trickled down my face, followed by many more. I cried until I was tapped out and numb.
Chapter 22
It was Saturday morning and I’d had a very contemplative day on Friday, assessing all the aspects of my life and trying to learn from the signs. It was easiest to view me from a distance, pretending I was a test case, so I could use my analytical skills. I trusted them and they never failed me. When I brought my emotions into the mix is when I became destined to implode.
I was aware that Marshall had tried to call several times, but I’d refused to answer or let him say anything. I didn’t work for him any longer, and I certainly wasn’t in a relationship with him after all, wasn’t I? His words had no value to me and his actions had said everything. It really wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t said he was going to change. I’d just allowed for the possibility of maybe he would. The reality was that guys like Marshall could make any woman, regardless of security issues and esteem, make their way out of their shell to enjoy experiences that were more phenomenal than the mind could ever just imagine. That’s what he’d done to me. I’d been played, I’d love the experience, and I despised the aftermath.
I took a hot bath and was contemplating what movie to watch that night, despite knowing it had to have a happy ending—unlike my life. The movie had to be the perfect one to go with the pint of mocha fudge chip ice cream that was calling my name in the freezer and would comfort my sorry state of mind.
There was a knock at the door and I froze, hoping that it wasn’t Marshall. Why would Marshall come find you on a Saturday afternoon? Get real and get over it. I went up to the peek hole in my door and looked through. I could clearly tell that it wasn’t Marshall because the man wasn’t tall enough. I’d never have thought it was possible, but the man on the other side of my door was actually worse than Marshall. It was Brandon. What had I done to deserve this bombardment of emotional turmoil these past few days?
I opened the door hesitantly, realizing that I was just in my bathrobe and still had my hair in a towel. “Brandon, what a surprise,” I commented.
“Hi Becca, you’re finally home.”
“Finally? You’ve been looking for me?” I asked. I was having a hard time processing everything.
“I stopped by a few days ago and then had business for a few days. I’d tried calling too, but I thought I’d stop by one last time before flying out of LA tomorrow.”
“Oh.”
“Mind if I come in?”
I nodded and stood to the side so Brandon could come in. He looked really good. Life was obviously treating him well. How ironic that I was standing here in a bathrobe, dreaming about ice cream and sappy movies.
Once my door was shut Brandon came up to me and gave me one of those friendly hugs. “You look absolutely beautiful, Becca.”
I smiled, not even knowing what to say in return to that compliment. “So, what brings you here?”
“I was hoping that we’d have a chance to talk before I left. Would you be available for dinner?”
Sadly, I had to admit that I was. In fact, there were no foreseeable dates in my future unless I decided to see if I could make up for my cancellation to Tyler Jackson. “Well, I’m not sure. I was kind of set to relax tonight.”
“Please. It’s really important, Bec.” Brandon looked at me with those intense brown eyes and I felt myself melt a bit. He’d always been able to get to me with that look.
“Sure. That will be fine. I just need a few minutes to change and get ready.”
“Great,” Brandon said. Then he stood there watching me, expecting that I would get undressed in front of him. Of course he’d seen me naked countless times, but I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to do it at this given moment. Something inside of me said that I should do it. My esteem needed a boost at that moment and Brandon was the one to give it to me.
I slid off my robe, revealing my bra and panties underneath it. Brandon just stared at me, soaking in the sight of my soft tanned flesh against the rosy pink garments. Over the past month, I’d gained a few pounds and it had made my curves curvier and I knew I wore it well. Brandon definitely confirmed that.
“You are so incredibly sexy, Becca. What was I ever thinking when I left you?”
“You weren’t, but that’s okay.”
Brandon walked closer to me, extending his arm out and wrapping it around my waist. His touch got to me, just like it always had, and he pulled me closer. “I’m so sorry that I ever let you go. You’re so smart and beautiful, the only woman for me. I want you so much.”
The words Brandon spoke soothed my heart and his hands started to caress my body, studying my skin and finding their way to the places that I’d always responded to so well. I could feel my heart racing and pounding so hard. It was trying to shut out the voice of reason in my mind. I knew this wasn’t smart, but I wanted to feel good right now…feel desired.