“But there is no other man, Rome. It’s just the baby. If you just let me explain-”
He burst out laughing but it was a harsh, bitter sound. “This, I’ve gotta hear. So you got yourself pregnant. Rich.” He gave a humorless chuckle and folded his arms across his chest. “Go on,” he said with a jerk of his head. “Tell me how you managed that.”
“Rome, please. Just sit so we can talk.”
“Spill it, Arie. This is not a social call. Just say what you have to say so I can get the hell out of here.”
There was nothing left to do but blurt it out. She’d wanted to tell him slowly, show him how she’d come to that life-changing decision, but it was clear that he wouldn’t be there long enough for her to go through all that. He would walk right out if she didn’t get to the point. So she did.
“I’m going to have a baby,” she said as she stared up at him, her heart pounding in anticipation of the backlash, “but I’m not pregnant. My baby’s coming from Armenia.”
“Coming from…you mean you’re adopting?”
“Yes,” she said, nodding and she took a step forward. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you. It’s just…I’d given up hope. They told me I couldn’t have her, that they’d found a more suitable family. I didn’t know all that would change.”
“What? I’m confused. Come again?”
This time Rome did sit, and as he sat looking up at her, the confusion plain on his face, Arie realized she was making a mess of the whole thing.
“May I start at the beginning, Rome?” she asked, and when his frown deepened like he meant to say no, she gave him a pleading look. “I just want to make you understand. You’ll let me speak and tell you what happened?” When he nodded slowly she pressed again. “And you won’t interrupt?”
Rome shook his head. He looked like he’d been struck dumb anyway. That suited Arie just fine. She had a lot to say.
She drew in her breath and then she began. “You already know that I never had a family, that I grew up in foster care.”
He nodded but still said nothing. He just sat there watching her, his eyes wary.
“I’ve always wanted a family,” she said but then she looked away. The way that came out, it sounded pathetic. Why did her voice have to crack when she said the words? The last thing she wanted was for him to feel sorry for her. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I wanted a family and one day I decided to do whatever it took to have one. I decided to adopt.”
She looked at him then, trying to gauge his reaction but he was looking back at her with enigmatic eyes, dark pools that she could not read. She bit her lip and then she continued. “I contacted a private adoption agency. It took a while but then they introduced me to the sweetest little girl you ever saw. The moment I saw her I fell in love.” She blinked, trying to ease the sudden pricking in her left eye. “I told them I wanted to be her mommy and they said I could. And then…they went back on their word. They said…they’d found the perfect family and I couldn’t have her anymore.”
She stopped abruptly. Her voice was beginning to tremble and she knew if she went on she’d soon be a sobbing mess. She wasn’t usually so weepy but when it came to the tiny baby she thought she would never see again, she was like a jiggly bowl of jelly, an unstable, emotional wreck.
Rome frowned. “You didn’t sign a contract?” He’d spoken, breaking his vow of silence, but Arie didn’t mind. He was asking a question, actually holding a conversation with her, and for that she was grateful.
“No,” she said, her voice full of regret, “we didn’t get that far. I guess that’s why they felt they were within their rights to accept someone else.”
She shook her head as the painful memory came back. “It was a really rough time for me. It was a while before I could resign myself to the fact that I’d lost her. It hurt so much that I didn’t apply to the agency again. I was too scared for it to happen all over again.” She sighed but then tilted her head and gave Rome a tiny smile. “And then I met you.” The smile widened just a little bit. “I fell in love again, but this time it wasn't with a baby. It was with the most wonderful man on earth.” She almost laughed when Rome actually looked embarrassed. “It’s true. For me, at least. The sun shone so bright when you came into my life.”
That made Rome chuckle. “I should hope it was shining bright long before that.”
“You made it shine even brighter and now…” she paused, not knowing how to express what she wanted to say next, “and now the sun could shine even brighter for me…or it could fade.”
Rome sat back in the chair but his eyes never left her. “Meaning?”
Arie swallowed. “Rome, the agency called and told me things didn’t work out with the family they’d chosen. The couple decided they didn't want her after they found out her birth mother had been a smoker and the baby may have health problems or special needs. That's why the agency contacted me again." She clasped her hands in front of her. "They said the baby was mine if I still wanted her. I was so happy. I didn’t hesitate. I told them I want her. I’m sorry, Rome, but I still love her. Very much.”
Rome said nothing, his eyes on her so intense and dark and unreadable.
“I’m so sorry. I should have consulted you before I gave them my response. I know that. It’s just that, at the time I was so excited, so relieved. I wanted to provide a loving home to this special little girl and finally my dream was coming true. I couldn’t turn her away.” She looked away and then she sniffed. “I didn’t want her to go through what I went through...or worse. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You made a decision so the only thing left is for you to stick with it.” Rome’s tone was serious and when Arie glanced at him she could see that his face was serious, too.
She heaved a sigh. “I know. It’s just…” she dropped her eyes and bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling, “…I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too.” Then, no matter that she was trying her hardest, her face crumpled like a leaf and the tears began to flow. “I wanted so much to be your wife, Rome. Why do I have to choose?”
Arie was sobbing now and, not knowing what to do with herself, she stumbled to the sofa and sank down onto it then covered her face with her hands. “I love you so much, Rome. I don’t want to lose you.