Aidan grunted in response. Staring ahead, he gripped the steering wheel tighter, desperately trying to keep control of the feelings raging within him. They didn’t speak for a few minutes.
When Emma finally did, her voice was strained. “I’m sorry for today.”
Aidan tore his gaze off the road to stare at her. “What are you talking about?”
“Meeting your father. It was too much pressure and commitment for you. I can tell.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Oh please. You were about to hyperventilate under the stress when we were in your parent’s bedroom.” Emma shook her head. “I seriously started to worry you were going to have a stroke or something.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
The skin on his cheek singed from the glare Emma was giving him. “At least be honest about the situation, Aidan.”
A low growl erupted from the back of his throat. “Fine. That was a total and complete mind f**k for me, okay?”
“That’s better.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious. I always want you to be honest with me, especially about how you feel.”
“Women always say that, and then the moment you tell them how things are, you get verbally or physically bitch slapped.”
Silence echoed through the car for a few minutes. Finally, Emma spoke. “Look, I don’t have to keep the gown. You can give it back to Patrick and explain to him you only agreed to give your DNA, not yourself.”
He banged his fist into the steering wheel. “Dammit, Em, that’s not what I want!”
Cutting across two lanes, he wheeled into a supermarket parking lot. After screeching to a stop, he killed the engine. When he turned to face Emma, her eyes were wide, and she had pressed herself up against the door as far away from him as possible. “When I said today was a mind-fuck, it was in more ways than one. Seeing you with my father—the way he reacted to you—it’s made me come unhinged. But not in the way you think.”
“Oh?”
He shook his head. “When I met you, my life was exactly like I wanted it to be. Then I was only thinking with my dick when I thought I could get you pregnant and walk away. And now…it’s all so f**king complicated I don’t know which way is up anymore.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause problems for you or to be a burden.”
Aidan rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Em, how can you even think that?”
Her brows furrowed. “Because you said—”
With a frustrated grunt, he raked his hands through his hair. “Dammit, I’m no good at this. I’m saying and doing everything wrong.”
“I don’t understand,” she murmured.
“Deep down, I’m still the same person I was when we first started all this—no marriage, no major commitment, no long-term relationships.” He sighed. “But…I want to try to have more with you.”
Emma gasped. “You do?”
He stared at her intently. “Even though I hate to admit it, I really missed you while I was gone.”
“Are you sure you didn’t just miss the sex?”
He scowled at her. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
She gave him a tentative smile. “Then that’s very flattering.”
“Fuck, I didn’t think you’d make me work this hard for it.”
“Excuse me?”
“I thought…” He shook his head. “I thought you wanted us even more than I did.”
“I do,” she replied softly.
“You have a hell of a way of showing it.”
She glared at him. “Well, you’re not really playing fair. You’ve been kind and considerate, if not downright caring, the entire time we were trying to conceive, yet you constantly kept me at arm’s length. Every time I thought you might truly be interested in me, you’d shut down. And now you wait to spring the fact you might want more when I’m a hormone fueled emotional wreck.”
“What difference does that make?”
“Everything!” She pointed out the windshield to where a teenage bag boy was collecting carts. “I’m so whacked out on hormones right now that kid could ask me to marry him, and I would say yes.”
“That’s f**ked up,” Aidan mused.
“Yeah, it’s called estrogen, and it’s working overtime right now. If you want to know what that feels like, it’s kind of like how the massive dose of testosterone pumping through you fuels the head below your waist, driving most of your decisions.”
Aidan threw his head back and laughed. “Are you trying to say I only think with my dick?”
“I don’t think I’d be pregnant right now if you didn’t,” Emma said softly.
His expression darkened. “Am I to assume that’s the estrogen talking or are you just trying to cut me?”
Emma ducked her head. “Yes and no. It’s just that everything is so emotionally overwhelming right now. Meeting Patrick today…” She bit down on her lip and then stared out the car window. “I know we were only together for such a short time, but it was almost like the moment I met him I felt a connection to something I haven’t had in a very, very long time—a father’s love. I’ve only felt that before with my grandfather, and he’s my own blood.”
Aidan’s chest tightened at Emma’s visible pain. He reached out and took her hand in his. “Em—”
She turned back to him with tears in her eyes. “You think you’re trying to protect yourself? Well, so am I. As much as I want to say yes to you Aidan, I have to protect myself and the baby.”
“The baby? Do you honestly think I’d do anything to hurt it?”
“Not intentionally. But I can’t let you get invested in our lives if you might bail when some woman in a short skirt and huge br**sts turns your head.”
“That was f**king low,” he growled.
She wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry, but you know at some fundamental level it’s the truth. You’ve said yourself a million times that you don’t do long-term relationships.”
“Yeah, well, people can change you know.”
“You can’t imagine how much I want to believe that,” she whispered.
Aidan sighed, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “Look, that phone call I got from work was about how I have to fly to DC on Tuesday. I’ll be gone for a few days. Will you think about it while I’m gone?”